JoeDavola

This shite was on my YouTube front page; the all fours action starts at 2:40:

@Turned Out Nice Again - I watched this video earlier and thought of you (and also myself!) - talks about 'manic dependency', something I'm guilty of because I very rarely meet women I'm actually interested in pursuing a relationship with so have always come at it from a real scarcity mindset (perhaps justifiably!): I also think that if you're cruising the bars at your age desperately trying to find someone, you'll get a ton of women who are just looking for attention and will waste your time. For women like this, stringing men along is their hobby and is as every bit enjoyable to them as sex is to a bloke. I'd also say, and I mean this with all due respect, if you have a woman who is considerably younger than you, and considerably hotter than you, be realistic as to why would she be hanging around with you rather than a Chad her own age - is she just enjoying the attention from you or leading you on - cause this doesn't mean she thinks your attractive, or even respects you. I know one girl in particular like this who has tons of orbiters, and has another long term orbiter, quite an attractive bloke actually with his shit together, who actually is her housemate, and she's still on tinder with a photo of her on a stripper pole looking for more blokes, or rather one 'hot enough'. Here's a question for you - do you have enough male friends to hang about with and do things with that don't involve chasing women?

Not sure what thread you mean so if you could tag me in the post so I don't miss it that would be great; thanks.

Agreed it's something he should consider as a way of learning to have a little fun in life, as long as he's sure he'd not end up riddled with guilt (or anything else for that matter!).

Haha! The Don - the only man in history to get a full refund and more from a hooker And then call her a horseface to boot. MAGA!

He could get laid on a regular basis by seeing a prostitute, no need to travel far for that. But it wouldn't cure whatever's causing this behavior. A prostitute gives sex, not validation.

There was a long article on a now defunct blog about PUA's and compensatory narcissism - about how one of the figureheads of the PUA movement, 'Mystery', had a complete nervous breakdown eventually, and why this was. The final part of the series is archived here, not sure how well it reads without having the initial parts to refer to. http://therawness.com/reader_letters.pdf Based on my own recent experience, I found myself at times falling into PUA-thinking i.e. 'how can I manipulate this person into wanting me', but then snapped out of it. What the manosphere rather than the PUA world has taught me was: - knowing myself enough to know that I had a tendency to have 'oneitis', and nipping that faulty thinking in the bud (it's basically a form of pure fantasy) when it happens - knowing both what I wanted from that person and what they were available to give me - knowing that dedicating lots of time to pursuing a woman I was attracted to but who was unavailable under the guise of only friendship would lead to resentment - so basically learning to be authentic and assertive if the situation came up where I didn't like how things were going (e.g. if she started wanting to see me all the time to complain about her boyfriend or some shit) Beyond the manosphere, these are actually just the actions of a mature adult with healthy self esteem who is brave enough to be honest with people. As a result of this more mature way of thinking, I spent an enjoyable few hours with a woman who as well as providing some company helped me think a bit about how I live my life and sort a few things out. Neither of us spent any extra time or money on each other, neither of us can feel like the other has 'used' them. There has been a couple of times since when the oneitis and beta circuits have fired up, but I've gotten better at being the impartial observer of my thoughts rather than the believer of them, or feeling I need to instantly act on them ( @Turned Out Nice Again - perhaps a skill to work at ).

So... I tidied the flat. Stocked up on johnnies, wine, ect... Invited her over to the flat before we headed out, but she suggested just meeting outside the apartment block. Fair enough, I wasn't going to beg her to come up. Beautiful day in Belfast today; we ended up spending over 3 hours walking a loop of the most picturesque parts of the city along the water's edge, beautiful weather ect... Was kind of like the best first date ever, minus the lack of sex (which I actually don't mind). Conversation flowed really easily as we have a ton in common, far more than I'd actually thought as I'd never spent more than say 10 minutes with her before. Ran into a mate of mine at one point which was nice as proof that....ya know....I actually have mates. She casually mentioned, in a not terribly enthusiastic tone, about being 'with' someone toward the end of the meeting, and mentioned something regarding that. I just ignored it and kept talking about what we'd been talking about. As we approached my flat at the end she was saying that she had to go back to her place for dinner blah blah. I invited her up anyway and she declined. I know I'll get mocked for this, but I didn't kiss her, based on the reception to touch earlier in the meeting and the general vibe. I told her I'd had a good time and gave her what was hopefully a non-beta casual hug, i.e. a hand around her waist/lower back, pulling her in ect. No hoverhand. As I said, I know people say I should have gone for the kiss but it really didn't seem the vibe for that. I actually feel great now. She is exactly the kind of person I'd like to date; she's exactly the kind of person I'd like as a long term relationship. But here's the thing; I won't be contacting her again. She seems effectively unavailable. And I think there's a good chance she doesn't fancy me, even though we had a great time. And this is the good thing that I've learned about myself compared to say 5 years ago; I've become red-pilled enough that I won't be falling into a state of Limerence and pining after her. I seem to have lost the 'oneitis' gene, which is a massive thing for me. What I certainly won't be doing is being the brainy beta that she has interesting conversations with before and after she's being screwed by the big alpha rugby player boyfriend (they are the embodiment of Joe Jackson's "pretty woman walking with gorillas down my street" lyric). I'm making myself scarce again, getting on with life, and if she enjoyed the time with me enough that she wants more it'll be as a dating relationship. Maybe she'll be single again in a few months and we can resume things then, who knows. I can't choose whether she's attracted to me or not, but I can choose not to invest time as a frustrating 'friendzone' type relationship that just ends up breeding contempt both for myself and her. Here's the odd thing that I'd never have guessed before this - the most prevailing feeling after this is a desire to start dating other women, as opposed to chasing after this one. Like several at once if need be. I think it's restored my mojo a bit after years of not going anywhere near a woman. This has been a good thing for me. And my flat's tidy.

Another idea might be to get a CMS admin type job with a company, and then offer to write some small apps for that company even though your not officially a programmer. And then there's your professional experience.

The great tragedy here is that the terminators may kill us before we have a chance to build really convincing sex bots.

Thanks - it should be early next week if it does happen. Logically speaking I'm a major fucking catch compared to the bloke she was last in an LTR with, since he's 30 and still in a minimum wage job going nowhere whereas I've established some sort of career and have very healthy savings. Doesn't stop my chronic low self esteem shouting 'you're not good enough'. There was a poster earlier who said I should have nothing to do with this because at best she's monkey-branching and will do the same with me. You are correct. But this is useful as it's getting me to own up to the fact that I'm not in a position to take someone home at the moment and sort my life out accordingly (which in actual fact will only take a couple of days of cleaning and other prep). And I spend too much time alone, so if a girl I fancy asks me for a coffee fuck it I'm not saying no. As others have said I need to get back in the game.

Java seems to be the most commonly used language these days. Learn a bit about Docker and DevOps type stuff that might impress an interviewer also - you can buy an online course in it for fuck all if your willing to put in the hours: https://www.udemy.com/java-the-complete-java-developer-course/ https://www.udemy.com/docker-mastery/ (disclaimer: I don't use either of these things but they're in tons of job listings these days) Do you have any professional experience in software? If not then an 'apprentiship' with someone like Allstate if they're still doing it it might be a way in. Another way in is a testing role which might move into some programming work. Check out test automation frameworks like Selenium; the test automation jobs pay really well and I can't see how they can be all that difficult. Don't worry about the problem domain your working in at the moment would be my opinion. There's been an explosion of IT jobs in Belfast and they can't get enough people; once you've moved over here you should talk to a recruitment agency as they'll know what companies out there might take someone with whatever experience you have. The chances of getting your foot in the door are better than they've ever been.

......so we're decided then; she's staying over...

I don't skimp on the bog roll thankfully. Music will be an odd one considering my weird tastes but I'll figure something out - have a smartphone, spotify and a bluetooth speaker. Pot pourri, fucking genius - I'd have never thought of that. Might get an air freshener for the other rooms too. I just listened to that song and did get a chuckle out of the idea of me pumping away to it. Excellent point about the massage, it's been so fucking long that I've forgotten that I've actually had some great times in the past involving a good massage to start things off.