Sgt Hartman

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  1. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from GBDamo in Everyday Feminism - lunatic SJWness   
    Oh Jesus, Hobbit.
    These people are straight-up arseholes. As a parent, you have a responsibility to at least keep your kid somewhere within the confines of regular society so as they are able to function properly when they grow into it. This is the equivalent of a cult.
    I read somewhere about people that were sending their seven year old boy into school in a dress and were 'disappointed' by the reaction of their classmates who had taunted him. 
    Seven year olds are not woke. Nor should they be. The school playground is an ocean of predators looking for an easy meal and these fucking halfwits tied a steak to their kids neck and chucked him in. You try and bring your kid into the world as a tolerant and understanding human being but you are a weapons grade, God-tier cunt if you use your childs lack of knowledge and innocence as a sacrificial bull on the altar of wokeness.
    I'm sure the Guardian would describe these people as trendsetters of our time and various people would congratulate them on their commitment to the cause.
    The same people will most likely be nowhere to be seen when one of these dickheads returns home one day to find him/her swinging from the light fitting.
     
  2. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Roger_Mellie in soph   
    YouTube videos do my head in, they all take so long to get to the point. I needed to take my Speedo apart and I found a YouTube video. Two problems:
    1. The absolute twat missed two key steps
    2. When it got to the key step he jabbered on for 5 minutes explaining why he wasn't spraying lubricant on the electronics
    Nob end.
     
  3. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Ponty Mython in Dating farmers   
    A kid from school drowned in a grain silo. What a way to go.
    Growing up on a farm, being woken up with a hangover on Christmas Day to feed the cattle at 6am - "The cows don't know it's Christmas". Fuck, it was cold in a house with no heating, During harvest, seeing the old man working from 7am until 2am the following day, coming home for a quick bath, a mountain of food and a few hours' kip, then doing it all again - as long as the dew allowed. In that era, a 13 foot header on a combine was big news; no cab, so no air-conditioning or GPS guidance, just skill and a fuck-load of dust. Then burning the stubble by dragging a tyre doused in petrol behind a Land Rover - happy days.
  4. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Hail the Tripod in Everyday Feminism - lunatic SJWness   
    Very good.
     
  5. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from SpectrumFX in YouTube + Patereon = eWhoring...   
    Christ, with the absolute bottomless ocean of free porn out there, one seriously has to wonder why you'd bother.
    Amazing the lengths some people will go to for a wank.
  6. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from TheBlueCat in Dating farmers   
    I know. You really, really need to go some for that to happen.
  7. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from null; in Dating farmers   
    The ones where I used to live seemed to be either shit-stinking borderline scrapyards with half-feral dogs running about everywhere or estates with gravel drives, coiffed hedges and multiple range rovers tucked away. 
    Don't remember finding too much in between.
    I went out on the piss with the Young Farmers Association a few years ago. Fuck me that was rough, if you couldn't lift the weight of a cow over your head while drinking a swimming pool of cider then you've no business being there.
    I think that lot got themselves banned from Blackpool a few years back after they got pissed up and half-destroyed (improved) the place.
  8. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from sarahbell in Dating farmers   
    I know. You really, really need to go some for that to happen.
  9. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from sarahbell in Dating farmers   
    The ones where I used to live seemed to be either shit-stinking borderline scrapyards with half-feral dogs running about everywhere or estates with gravel drives, coiffed hedges and multiple range rovers tucked away. 
    Don't remember finding too much in between.
    I went out on the piss with the Young Farmers Association a few years ago. Fuck me that was rough, if you couldn't lift the weight of a cow over your head while drinking a swimming pool of cider then you've no business being there.
    I think that lot got themselves banned from Blackpool a few years back after they got pissed up and half-destroyed (improved) the place.
  10. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from Austin Allegro in Dating farmers   
    The ones where I used to live seemed to be either shit-stinking borderline scrapyards with half-feral dogs running about everywhere or estates with gravel drives, coiffed hedges and multiple range rovers tucked away. 
    Don't remember finding too much in between.
    I went out on the piss with the Young Farmers Association a few years ago. Fuck me that was rough, if you couldn't lift the weight of a cow over your head while drinking a swimming pool of cider then you've no business being there.
    I think that lot got themselves banned from Blackpool a few years back after they got pissed up and half-destroyed (improved) the place.
  11. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from LC1 in Everyday Feminism - lunatic SJWness   
    Oh Jesus, Hobbit.
    These people are straight-up arseholes. As a parent, you have a responsibility to at least keep your kid somewhere within the confines of regular society so as they are able to function properly when they grow into it. This is the equivalent of a cult.
    I read somewhere about people that were sending their seven year old boy into school in a dress and were 'disappointed' by the reaction of their classmates who had taunted him. 
    Seven year olds are not woke. Nor should they be. The school playground is an ocean of predators looking for an easy meal and these fucking halfwits tied a steak to their kids neck and chucked him in. You try and bring your kid into the world as a tolerant and understanding human being but you are a weapons grade, God-tier cunt if you use your childs lack of knowledge and innocence as a sacrificial bull on the altar of wokeness.
    I'm sure the Guardian would describe these people as trendsetters of our time and various people would congratulate them on their commitment to the cause.
    The same people will most likely be nowhere to be seen when one of these dickheads returns home one day to find him/her swinging from the light fitting.
     
  12. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to The XYY Man in Is it coz I is black #1,987   
    It's a disgrace Carl.
    I can see our country going down the pan with my own eyes. I don't need a constant daily dose of videos to remind me.
    It depresses me. 
    Which I why I try to have a laugh. There's Jack shit I can do about it...
     
    XYY
    @Carl Fimble
  13. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Austin Allegro in Cancelled flight compo   
    I suspect we will be seeing Brexit used as a catch-all excuse for poor service, management etc for years and years to come, not just in the airlines but everywhere.
  14. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from The Generation Game 🙌 in More lunatic parenting #124   
    Standard Mail pissboiler though I'm not sure who's interested in Stacey Dooley having a chat with them. 'Oh honey! Bring a cuppa through as that program with Dooley talking to some crusties is on and I feel the need to hear what they have to say as if I didn't already know!'
    They're clearly cretins but I could point you to a town where half the population are on the take and it would make this greasy-haired ballbag and his brood look like very small beer indeed.
  15. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from LC1 in More lunatic parenting #124   
    Standard Mail pissboiler though I'm not sure who's interested in Stacey Dooley having a chat with them. 'Oh honey! Bring a cuppa through as that program with Dooley talking to some crusties is on and I feel the need to hear what they have to say as if I didn't already know!'
    They're clearly cretins but I could point you to a town where half the population are on the take and it would make this greasy-haired ballbag and his brood look like very small beer indeed.
  16. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Frank Hovis in Jodie Chesney, 17, murdered in park   
    How bizarre, how bizarre.
     
     

  17. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from King of Fools in More lunatic parenting #124   
    Standard Mail pissboiler though I'm not sure who's interested in Stacey Dooley having a chat with them. 'Oh honey! Bring a cuppa through as that program with Dooley talking to some crusties is on and I feel the need to hear what they have to say as if I didn't already know!'
    They're clearly cretins but I could point you to a town where half the population are on the take and it would make this greasy-haired ballbag and his brood look like very small beer indeed.
  18. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from Hail the Tripod in More lunatic parenting #124   
    Standard Mail pissboiler though I'm not sure who's interested in Stacey Dooley having a chat with them. 'Oh honey! Bring a cuppa through as that program with Dooley talking to some crusties is on and I feel the need to hear what they have to say as if I didn't already know!'
    They're clearly cretins but I could point you to a town where half the population are on the take and it would make this greasy-haired ballbag and his brood look like very small beer indeed.
  19. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Kwyjibo in The make us laugh or fuck off thread   
    Reminds me of one of my favourites:-
    Two dyslexics go skiing, one says to the other "I'm going to zag-zig down this hill", the other says "surely it's zig-zag?"
    After a few minutes argument they decide to ask another person on the slope.
    "Don't ask me mate, I'm a tobboganist"
    "OK, we'll have twenty B&H then"
  20. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Bedrag Justesen in Dating farmers   
    Love In The Countryside S1 had some extremely dull witted farmers.
    Glacially slow and lacking in personality.
    Obviously they may well be outstanding in their field.
  21. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to OurDayWillCome in Twat of the day.   
    Today’s winner...
     
    Gina Miller!
  22. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Bedrag Justesen in Deluded Old Scrapper Birds On Dating Sites   
    Apologies sbn, probably no reason to read anything from me tbf. 
    There are women in their 40s, 50s, that are in better shape than many in their 20s, and 30s. 
    Journalist Angela Epstein is 51, she makes a fair point in that Daily Mail story, that some women revel in being frumpy Mums, or Grans, whilst others are more determined to at least make an effort to be appealing to men.
    My neighbour is 51.  She could look like Jo Brand. She doesn't. Bodywise she's probably an 8.5, face a good 7, personality easily a 9. No tattoos, no piercings, no rainbow hair. She's single, no kids, only has one cat.
    Back in May, she came over to ask if I could accept a parcel. She had ordered some Blu-rays on Amazon. We were talking about films, she mentioned wanting to go and see Rocketman but wouldn't go on her own. I suggested we both go, she was quick to say OK.
    A few weeks ago, whilst chatting, she mentioned nobody wanted to go to see the Downton Abbey film. An obvious cry for help. 
    I offered to come with her. 
    " There's no way you'll sit through that, it's 2 hours and 3 minutes. "
    We arranged to see it on the Friday of release.
     
    Texted her two nights before. Agreed to pick her up at 1 to give us time to park up for a 1.40 showing.
    I turned up at 1.05. She was waiting outside her door. No jacket, pink long sleeve polo neck top, faded jeans just above the ankle,  light caramel fuck-me heels, and an umbrella. 
    Walking from the car into the cinema, heels clip clopping, paid for the tickets, went straight in, nobody checked them, why bother buying them ?
    Found our seats, in the darkness, she stumbled slightly stepping off the stairs, steadied herself by grabbing my arm. Her breast brushing against me. Instant semi.
    During the trailers, noticed we were alone apart from around a dozen widely spaced pairings of 70 something women, either accompanied by 20 something grand-daughters or  70 something blokes.
    Through the film, little coquettish titters at Julian Fellowes punchlines from these elderly Downton fans, how extremely twee.
    We don't say anything during the film. She sat silently, with her hand resting on my knee. At one point of dramatic tension, she tightened her grip briefly.  Ooh !
    Lady Edith Pelham (nee Crawley), Marchioness of Hexham, sat on her bed, her dresser helping into her gown. I felt a hand wander from my knee, reaching further along thw outside of my thigh.
    I thought "O God this is exciting but terrifying. We are in the back seats, high up, almost like being in the front of a double-decker bus. Feel so exposed, and I know they have night vision cameras to catch pirates. If only we were in the lower seats down the front. Nevertheless I was properly hard.
    I thought of Stokie's being pleasured watching Bladerunner. Her hand kept moving right along my leg, then back to rest on my knee. What should I do ?
    Nothing, I froze with indecision. Should I move her hand back to show her I'm interested ? No, do nothing this time, but if she does it again, I'm straight in.
    I moved my foot slightly and felt something. I wondered what it was. The film ended, credits rolled, lights faded up. "That was really good. Thanks for coming with me. " She shifted around in her seat, and reached down to the floor.
    " I can't find my glasses case. " I reached down by my foot  and picked up her hard shell case, and presented it to her. "Ah, great you found it ! " Instantly I realised that's what had happened, that's what she was feeling for on my chair. That could have been embarrassing ! 
    I dropped her off at home, she gave me a little kiss on my cheek, as she closed my car door.
    Now, I'm simply suggesting, even if there is no intention of anything other than a straightforward trip to the cinema, there is a realisation, that if my neighbour looked like Jo Brand I wouldn't have gone with her. I went because I find her attractive.
    I certainly wouldn't dismiss anybody purely because they are in their 40s or 50s. You could be missing out on something really enjoyable.
    If I wasn't committed to a semi-monogamous relationship with Dilys, Gwyneth, and Rhiannon, (they can explore other partners, but I'm faithfull to just them) I would definitely pursue my neighbour.
    For now though, we'll leave things at going to the cinema now and again. Something I'm unable to enjoy with my current girlfriends.
    Even here in Wales they don't allow sheep into cinemas. 
  23. Agree
    Sgt Hartman reacted to Wight Flight in Lunatic parenting #123.   
    He was a friend of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John but wasn't quite as committed to the cause.
  24. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from Kilham in Offensive vegans (and definitely not vegetarians)   
    How dare you sir. I'm compulsively clean and could be used as one of those models where people eat sushi off them - though I'm probably more suited to being used as a doughnut-holder in that department.
    In terms of cigarette smell, I'll have a smoke maybe once or twice a week so I don't think I have that permanent ashtray honk or anything, certainly not enough to provoke the sort of reaction in a grown adult that my seven year old would have to a fart in school.
    Just seems to me that because smoking is now seen as some kind of moral deficiency then it's open season on it from sanctimonious arses everywhere despite it being done discreetly and away from others. I'm not saying it is a good thing but it's my little vice and I don't inflict it on people so they can fuck right off IMPO. Makes no sense either as being a big fat bastard is to be embraced these days and I'm expected to tolerate being sat next to some walking Christmas dinner on a plane who smells of stale BO and unwashed hole for five hours. I doubt my mate would be flapping her hand in front of her face in that situation though...can't think why.
    I also worked in an office where the MD would come in and noisily destroy the office toilet on the dot, every single day. It was so noxious that he may as well have hoiked his strides and shat on all of our desks for all the difference it would have made.
    No one said a peep (apart from the mans arse which was the most vocal thing in five square miles) however those that ducked out for a smoke would have people pointing air-fresheners at them on their return despite the fact that only ten minutes previously, a large airborne turd had enveloped the room courtesy of my boss's rectum.
    If I had to choose the smell of a Marlboro gold over any of the previous above fugs then I'll take the smoke any day.
  25. Agree
    Sgt Hartman got a reaction from Kilham in Offensive vegans (and definitely not vegetarians)   
    I think a lot of people who become vegans tend to be sanctimonious to start with and veganism gives them an outlet. If it wasn't veganism it would be something else and they'd be tiresome bastards no matter what they shoved into their face.
    As a small anecdote, I have a vegan friend who is nice enough. Difficult to cook for when she comes to dinner but happy to make the effort. All was good until, I decided to pop out of the back of my own house to have a quick smoko and came in five minutes later to be greeted by said mate waving her hands in front of her face in an exaggerated 'pee-yeew' motion. 
    I was absolutely incensed and If it hadn't been for the diplomacy of Mrs H. I would have slung her bodily out on her arse. If I can go to the effort of fixing your specific dinner, then you can accommodate my small vice which I even extricated myself from my own house to do as to not offend or annoy. 
    There's having standards which is fine and then there's just being a rude, sanctimonious twat. Vegans tend to cross that line quite regularly.