Mental Floss

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  1. Been a slaphead since my mid 20's. Luckily I look mental and somehow it all works. Weirdly I'm hairy as fuck everywhere else. Full wookie. I'm pretty sure if there is a God they took my hair away for my own good. I had some god awful trims and no doubt I still would.
  2. This one still makes me shiver. It's small thing but I never got over it. As a kid I idolised my grandfather above all others. He was just a great guy. He'd fought and killed and was just very quietly confident about what was right and what was not. I hope I'm a 10th of what he managed. Anyway this was back in the days of phones that you had to actually dial numbers on. I asked my parents permission to call my gramps about something totally trivial. When I picked up the phone to listen for a dial tone, my grandfathers voice said "hello, who's this then?". He'd dialled to talk to me and in the split second available I'd answered prior to the phone actually ringing. In reality it's trivial, there a small amount of time where we'd be trying to talk and within that we'd managed to perfectly synchronise our efforts. It made me love him just a bit more.
  3. Yeah 100% guaranteed that the feelings of an 11 year old girl are 100% correct. Basically what's going on here is that her view that she's being excluded due to her gender is being reinforced by authorities. I've seen exactly the same at Rugby. Kids pass to their mates first, any other consideration is entirely secondary. Whilst coaching rugby I too had a girl and her mum state that she wasn't getting passed the ball. Empirically it was bollocks but once that seed in sown there's not going back. She left the game "as boys weren't passing to her". In reality she didn't want to play but that's not as easy to get your parents to agree to.................
  4. £1800 net in Las Vegas. Oops. Saying that it was probably the funniest night of my life. I was nursing a raging hangover from previous nights festivities so I got split off from my mates and was wandering casinos like a ghost. To escape the horror of the hangover i decided to get hammered again to the extent I found myself playing Caribbean Stud Poker. I still have no idea really what the rules are. Anyhow I put a side bet on (which I never normally do) and played a few hands. I got quite excited when I pulled a hand with three aces and thought I was in for like $120. I was so pissed I hadn't clocked the two kings on the table. Full house thinks me, that'll be like $200! Again too pissed to realise the side bet for full house aces and kings had some ridiculous odds against it that I hadn't checked. Luckily the dealer was an honest (or on camera sort) and handed me over a couple of grand (maybe more). Immediately I think "I've got to tell my mates!" so i track them down to one of the less salubrious gentlemen's establishments that are common in sin city. Anyhoo having arrived at said establishment I find my lot moping around as the Rodeo was in town and if there's one thing I've learned is that Cowboys and their money are easily parted and strippers are absolute experts at doing so. Strippers love cowboys and money! So at that moment in aggregate we were cash rich (due to me) and stripper poor. This was easily rectified by immediately flashing cash and buying dances for my mates and drinks for strippers. Suddenly the dynamics have changed, the cowboys drift away and I'm suddenly king of the club. At this point I'm so fucked I'm paying strippers to bring me beers. That's like a $45 a beer. I'm covered in the best strippers this particular joint could provide. My mates are having a whale of a time spending my money too. Eventually of course the wad becomes somewhat smaller as it is whittled away. However, I'm now having so much fun that this is remedied by going to the cashpoint (led by the hand by a pretty lady) in order to continue the festivities. Well that worked twice before it stopped working........ As the money disappeared so did the strippers like mist in the wind. I'd gone from King of Stripperville to a hungover vagrant in about 20 minutes. The club comped me and my mates breakfast though which was a nice touch. Just about this point my phone went and it was the fraud team from my bank. "Sir, just wish to check something out with you. We've noticed some odd transactions on your account so we've locked it down. You withdrew the maximum possible per day on two occasions within 2 hours. (either side of midnight). Can you confirm that this was indeed you and the location where it occurred......." Thank God for fraud teams. I'm not sure I'd have stopped. All in all I reckon I spent somewhere around $7000 in about 5 very funny hours. Due to then being absolutely skint and now overdrawn I spent the final 3 days in Vegas playing 5 cent machines in the sports bar living on chilli cheese fries and gin and tonics. Amusingly my mates went to the same club the following night and asked my favourite stripper if she had a message for me. She couldn't even remember who I was..................However, among my mates for just a little while I was legendary.
  5. Interesting. But I suspect the So-Called BBC have been instructed to try and take some of the heat out of the argument. We had the Police warning people not to inflame the situation as if having your democracy trashed was something to not get upset about and now the So-Called BBC basically ignoring it. In my opinion it’s a ploy to avoid outcomes sometimes faced by traitors.
  6. I must remember to dig out my smallest violin for this one. The arch anti-democratist complaining that their scheme to overthrow a democratic result is being blocked by someone else's attempt to do exactly the same thing? My heart bleeds.
  7. I agree but he'll take enough. This all comes down to Jezza. He's now in the same corner as May. The WA is not a Brexit that most leavers will accept as such. Jezza's CU with FOM definitely isn't. If he's clever he'll play the "I really tried but she's not for moving" card. If however like the rest of the establishment it's about Brino or not leaving at all he'll swallow it and enough of his acolytes will back him up. However, electorally they are now fucked whichever they choose.
  8. Anyway they are still dancing round that particular massive elephant in the room. There's one thing that Treason May has got right (by luck probably) and that is any Brexit that doesn't involve curtailing FOM won't fly with the vast majority of the Leave voting cohort. By no means is the leave vote consolidated but I suspect this is one issue that unites far more than it divides. If you live in SE of England you can literally see the place filling up and being enriched. Despite the "well it's mainly non-EU now" argument it's clear people want to be able to hold politicians feet to the fire on this issue. That can only be done if all excuses are removed. In my view FOM isn't an economic consideration for the EU. It's primarily political. If you stuff countries full of "others" then it fractures any homogeneity and allows the further creeping hand of their single state vision. Thing is the politicians have mainly screwed themselves by continually painting anyone for immigration control as some sort of racist monster. Consequently the people are now looking to politicians who actually reflect their views rather than simply accepting there is no other way.
  9. Never has your username been so accurate. i feel like shouting it but that would be rude. All of them are in it for themselves and will happily sell the rest of us down the river. That’s exactly what they are going to do. the WA is surrendering and that’s the best plan they have.
  10. I'm on record as stating this too and I fully agree. Though I have no hope whatever I'll be proved wrong. The powers that be have calculated they'd rather fuck their own people than fuck the project. They are fearful cowards and traitors to a once great nation. There's not one leader worth their salt among them. Unfortunately the populace are divided and weak and will harumphhh and grumble but nothing of immediate significance will be visible. However, the democratic contract is broken and the effects of that are forever. I'm going to have to do all I can to avoid getting in serious trouble. Remainers will celebrate their triumph as victory. They either know not or care not for the cost. Either way they are dangerous.
  11. My remainer friends are going mental over a petition designed to show the strength of public feeling against leaving. If only there had been some sort of regulated expression of the electorate's will. I don't know, like a referendum........ They really are wankers and they don't see that ignoring my vote could just as easily flip to ignoring their next one. They have collectively gone insane.
  12. To be fair this really made me laugh. I did say it was going to sound bad! She's awesome but I think even this might be a step too far. But I can see it in my mind's eye.
  13. h This, this and more this. Some of it is also down to dumb luck. I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've ever been. I've been with married to my wife nearly 10 years now and we've known each other for nigh on 25. This is going to sound absolutely terrible, but fuck it here goes. Prior to settling (damning with faint praise) for her, I was busy trying to fuck the fittest, filthiest women I could lay my paws on. I wasn't doing badly at it either. However, every single relationship was doomed from second one as outside wanting to bang the shit out of them I couldn't really give a shit about any other attributes they possessed. In general, the fitter they were, the more mental they were and the higher the maintenance. This culminated in a relationship with a single mother whom I fell for in a way I hadn't experienced since I was 15 (basically when a bird first let me!). The sex was just unbelievable and the desire for it from both sides constant. It was like being blinded by the sun. My mates kept raising red flags but a red flag compared to heart stopping sex? Ignored. However, like coming out of a coma, I began to see things again. She was mental. Properly mental. Absolute basket case. Comments such as "All your mates are dicks", "you don't respect me enough", "why don't you want to spend more time with my family?", "He just likes me as a friend......" etc. I decided to get the hell out of dodge and went for a beer with my now wife and I've never looked back. Though if I'm honest if mental sex bird offered me a go and I could guarantee that I'd get away with it, I would. However, I'm well aware that in real life, no such guarantees exist. Especially with mentalists. I'm just glad I did it this way round. Lots of my mates married mid 20's and are now splitting up as they feel unfulfilled. Some proper mid-life crisis shit. I however am content. That's all I need.
  14. We aren’t leaving. Hate to piss on bonfires here but we aren’t. Laws will be bent, article 50 will be reimagined. It’s a fucking fix. Some have tried to get around it but the body politic has calculated they’d rather fuck the public than follow their direction. I foretold this on the day of the vote. Little people don’t get to decide shit and so it is. Those relying on the law are kidding themselves. It’s a charade.
  15. There you go. Game over. Fucking wankers