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  1. Bad start to the day

    That'll be you then. You must be extemely lucky. The ground there is covered in bird shit and none on you.
  2. Bad start to the day

    Well, I dropped the car off at a garage and had just started the mile walk to work when a bird shat on me (not in a joe or metaphorical way, actual bird shit). Head, coat and a big splat on my knee. Despite a bit of a clean, still look like 'guy with bird shit on clothes'. Anyone else not started the day as they wish?
  3. Behind the mask

    Was in Edinburgh walking around Arthur's seat with my 8 year old blonde son. Some Japanese tourists stopped us and wanted to take photos of him with them. Was a bit weird, but I also got photos of some cracking Japanese totty with a small blonde boy.
  4. Rat deterrents

    Apparently rats eat mice. So you should be mice free. Every cloud and all that.
  5. The make us laugh or fuck off thread

    Rev Ian paisley is on his death bed. He calls his closest advisors to him ...... IP - I need you to do one more thing for me before I go. ADV - anything for you Ian, just name it. IP - I need you to help me convert to Catholicism. ADV - what! No way. You've fought your whole life against the pope and all he stands for. It would go against everything you've taught us. Think of your followers. IP - I need to do this. It's my final wish. ADV - but why. We don't understand. Give us one good reason or we will have to refuse. IP - because when I die, there will one less fucking Catholic in the world.
  6. I think I'd follow Mary around for several months before, just to see if she was fibbing to Joseph
  7. Cousins

    Parent, sibling.
  8. starving nurses

    He certainly likes attention. He once lied about having HIV to get some.
  9. gender neutral voice choir

    I think the choir is under the name of the police force, so should be available to all. I don't think anyone has an issue with there being an all male choir - just had to change the name. Not sure if calling it "derby police male voice choir" would have helped.
  10. Weddings are getting ridiculous

    She could equally be saying....'i don't have to give any more blow jobs'.
  11. Gender Pay Gap

    Don't be pointing out more cases of discrimination! Wonder what colour ribbon Emma Watson will wear to highlight this injustice.
  12. Weddings are getting ridiculous

    Actually there was a fight. The brides brother going to sort out some one who dissed his family. Bride running out and back in tears. Brides mother or maybe step mother demanding the bar is shut. Me and and my brother with a few bottles of wine left over from the meal to keep us going whilst watching the pikeys 'get it all sorted'.
  13. Maybe I'm too old and just don't like change, but I was at a wedding where everything seemed to be weddingfied. The rings were on a special plate with bows and not just in the best man's pocket. The bride had special fluffy dressing gowns for her and the bridesmaids. There was an agenda for the day. They had 'one year to go' photographs done. Some mental special song for the first dance which was actually the bride and her dad. \end old git rants for the day.
  14. Easter getting more like christmas

    Trouble is that's the sort of thing that will appear in b&q or on some reality show and bingo it will appear in my house. No problem if it's an established German thing and you're German.