Happy Renting

I bet they announce the cause of the Glasgow Art School fire within weeks. They have yet to forensically examine the flat at the source of the Grenfell fire.

In the 1920's/30's, my Mum was regularly beaten at school for writing with her left hand.

We were forced to learn italic writing at my junior school. For which I am grateful. But I touch a fountain pen once in a blue moon.

This enquiry is just going to encourage relatives of deceased patients of other NHS Trusts to ask difficult questions. It's like that Hillsborough enquiry. If you get tens of thousands going to football matches, you have to expect statistically that a few dozen spectators will die. They will be uncovering premature deaths in other NHS Trusts next, and that will never do. The NHS has a reputation to protect.

Now, now, remember our nurses put on a splendid display at the opening ceremony at the London Olympics. The NHS treats millions of people, these deaths are just insignificant statistical noise. If they worried about whether treatment was always appropriate they wouldn't get anything done.

Don't worry, this euthensia couldn't happen anywhere else, because the NHS is a well-loved institution.

I heard about some Islamist terrorists who took a dangerous battery onto an aircraft, and also took a couple of spares. Three Li-ions.

I think lithium cells will catch fire if you drill a lole in them. So don't drill into your drill. Edit: A hole, even.

Isn't CO2 stored in greenhouses?

Yeah. Chuck it in.

So... there is a shortage of the greenhouse gas CO2?

Try watching it backwards.

Helium beer would be fun.

No. I don't want to print another two.

Available in XXXL. Only.