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About Battenberg

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    Only Judy can judge me.

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  1. Battenberg

    Christmas Tree Thread

    No tree up here yet because we’re still having our extension finished and there is a constant plume of dust. My hatch is so large that I don’t bother taking the decorations off now and just stick it back up the loft fully decorated. It’s only about 4ft and Mr B and I bought it the first Christmas we lived together. It’s 21 years old now. I bought a narrower one last year for our other living room but I still can’t be bothered to get it down. I’m just not feeling it this year. Its all a fucking competition now. Colour coordinated trees to match this year’s sofa, curtains, cushion covers, yada, yada, yada. I’m sure some people buy new decorations each year. Mine are ancient.
  2. Battenberg

    Who’s volunteering for the NHS then?

    My thoughts exactly. Can’t see how anyone with the best will in the world would be able to rock up at the children’s cancer ward to read some stories to the kiddies without having been extensively checked. That’s the law of unintended consequences. “We’d like you to volunteer to help but you’ll have to have a CRB check first. We’ll get back to you in about 6 weeks”.
  3. Roll up, roll up and offer up some time for the NHS. The Daily Mail are recruiting. How about they get rid of the need for degrees to enter nursing and let it become a vocation once again instead.
  4. Battenberg

    Shop shop shoptastic flop

    I went into Cardiff, St David’s II, a few weeks back as I was attending a Breast Cancer event. I have never been in that centre before and was so shocked at the amount of people milling about and eating in the restaurants. I felt like I’d been living under a rock for decades. Having worked in the city centre for 10 years I have neither the desire or the motivation to go there for shopping. Like someone else said, there really is no need to go to them now. We have a few small retail parks here that are adequate.
  5. Battenberg

    How Populist are you?

  6. Battenberg

    Which one of you is the romantic then?

    Weymouth would work for me Frank. Mr B and I try to go for a weekend there every year now the kids are getting older. We love it.
  7. Battenberg

    Beware, the Twatterati.

    Did nobody stop to think that perhaps these boys involved don’t want to share their country with yet another Syrian kid. I know I don’t wish to, with him or his fucking family. After all no one asked them if it was ok to have their future and culture compromised. .
  8. Battenberg

    Foreskin Facials

    Mr B swears that this foreskin treatment is nonsense. He says baby gravy gives a more youthful glow.
  9. Battenberg

    This Year’s Stupid Fad at Christmas

    M and S
  10. So we’ve had onesies and Christmas jumpers but it seems that the fashion retailers are pushing the idea that families should all dress up in the same outfit. This is Next and Aldi but they all seem to be at it. It’s even more effective it if you are an ethnically diverse family.
  11. Battenberg


    I’ve woken up crying many times over the years. That makes me feel low all day. I’ve also had loads about Mr B having affairs, he’s been off with loads of people and they always have a name.
  12. Battenberg


    Sometimes I have a chunk of cheese before bed in the hope of some good dreams. The one that is the most annoying is where I hear someone knocking at the door and it wakes me up. It’s been happening more regularly and it’s so vivid.
  13. Battenberg

    Assumed abnormalities

    I’m stealing that. Mr B is both dyslexic and a dreadful cook, unless it’s spag bol.
  14. Battenberg

    Dosbods secret Santa

    What value?
  15. Battenberg

    Dosbods secret Santa

    I know for whom I’m buying but can you just tell me the rules again , please.