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spunko

How Not To Give A F**K

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Recently got given this book but realised I don't give much of a f**k about things now compared to when in my teens or twenties. Still, everyone can learn to give a little less of a fuck. Given that this book is the number 1 bestseller on Amazon there is obviously a demand to know.

 

So, what is your best tip or trick?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=6KRN799PHNXHFPR9056M

51o5EmJtnBL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

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3 minutes ago, spunko2010 said:

So, what is your best tip or trick?

 

Live in England.

You rapidly work out that living is more tolerable if you don't give a fuck

Edited by Hopeful

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Once you stop caring then you have lost, it is all about picking your battles. For instance I am calm personified when driving, accepting that people are inconsiderate or incapable drivers. Makes every journey much more peaceful by letting the nonsense wash over me.

I tend to get more excitable when societal norms are treated with contempt. People not stopping when I am waiting at a pedestrian crossing, people letting a door close in your face, people not queuing. All things that are fairly trivial and yet are the glue that hold a society together. If everyone decided these things were not important then society would be taking a large step in the wrong direction. I once had a stand up argument with a chap in Sainsburys Darlington  on a snowy day when he decided that not stopping for me at a crossing was a good idea. I ended the conversation by saying 'so your BMW 1 series is parked outside, lets hope you complete your shopping before I do'

Edited by Fossildog

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12 minutes ago, Fossildog said:

Once you stop caring then you have lost, it is all about picking your battles. For instance I am calm personified when driving, accepting that people are inconsiderate or incapable drivers. Makes every journey much more peaceful by letting the nonsense wash over me.

I tend to get more excitable when societal norms are treated with contempt. People not stopping when I am waiting at a pedestrian crossing, people letting a door close in your face, people not queuing. All things that are fairly trivial and yet are the glue that hold a society together. If everyone decided these things were not important then society would be taking a large step in the wrong direction. I once had a stand up argument with a chap in Sainsburys Darlington  on a snowy day when he decided that not stopping for me at a crossing was a good idea. I ended the conversation by saying 'so your BMW 1 series is parked outside, lets hope you complete your shopping before I do'

I'm curious, what was his defence for not stopping? 

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3 minutes ago, Thombleached said:

I'm curious, what was his defence for not stopping? 

Said he didn't see me. To which I replied if he was unable to see someone waiting at a crossing then perhaps he should not be driving. 

It does sound petty I know but living abroad as I do where things like stopping at crossings, queuing and holding doors open are completely alien concepts has made me appreciate how fortunate we are in the UK where these things are routinely observed.

Edited by Fossildog

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17 minutes ago, Fossildog said:

Said he didn't see me. To which I replied if he was unable to see someone waiting at a crossing then perhaps he should not be driving. 

I know where you are coming from about 'not caring' and  'giving up'

But who won in the supermarket crossing confrontation, You still remember it.

I admit that In the past I'd have done the same, confronted the bugger. I remember a fat fucker who parked next to me at the supermarket. We drew into neighbouring bays at the same time. He opened his car door with such aggression that it made a 4 inch crease in mine. It was the first dent my 9 yr old car got. So I confronted him. "Oh, grow up, get a life' was his response. Then I thought "what am I realistically going to do" and I realised there was nothing. No point claiming on insurance, so 4 years later the car still has a dent. Fortunately, it's not an annoying dent as I learned not to give a fuck. It also helps that I'm not precious about cars.  Now, in the same situation I would just briefly think to myself 'ignorant git' 'typical of these days', and carry on.

In the past I would have gone out of my way to help anyone. Now, after over half a century, it will only be the GF or close friends and, as I only have 4 close friends, I won't be overstretched. Everybody else can swing, and maybe because of that I have lost something too, but not giving a fuck is a lot less stressful.

Life's too short to give a fuck about other people ....well metaphorical fucks at least

And because less people give a fuck, it's a pretty shit place. Someone started it Sir, and it wasn't me.

Edited by Hopeful

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3 minutes ago, Hopeful said:

I know where you are coming from about 'not caring' and  'giving up'

But who won in the supermarket crossing confrontation, You still remember it.

I admit that In the past I'd have done the same, confronted the bugger. I remember a fat fucker who parked next to me at the supermarket. We drew into neighbouring bays at the same time. He opened his car door with such aggression that it made a 4 inch crease in mine. It was the first dent my 9 yr old car got. So I confronted him. "Oh, grow up, get a life' was his response. Then I thought "what am I realistically going to do" and I realised there was nothing. No point claiming on insurance, so 4 years later the car still has a dent. Fortunately, it's not an annoying dent as I learned not to give a fuck. It also helps that I'm not precious about cars.  Now, in the same situation I would just briefly think to myself 'ignorant git' 'typical of these days'; and carry on.

In the past I would have gone out of my way to help anyone. Now, after over half a century, it will only be the GF or close friends and, as i only have 4 close friends, I won't be overstretched. Everybody else can swing, and maybe because of that I have lost something too, but not giving a fuck is a lot less stressful.

Life's too short to give a fuck about other people ....well metaphorical fucks at least

Quite, it is a balancing act between not giving a fuck and defending principles that are important to you. With my supermarket confrontation perhaps the chap now thinks twice before not stopping at a crossing. Who knows. If I hadn't said anything then would it have given him pause for thought. Same with the fat chap who damaged your car, although he sounded aggressive and nonplussed, perhaps he now takes more care. What is for certain is that just accepting such behavior only reinforces poor behavior and means as a society we get poorer and more insular in our behavior.  I don't blame you for only looking after you and yours but when everyone does that society as a whole suffers and the world becomes a worse place.

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11 minutes ago, Hopeful said:

I know where you are coming from about 'not caring' and  'giving up'

But who won in the supermarket crossing confrontation, You still remember it.

I admit that In the past I'd have done the same, confronted the bugger. I remember a fat fucker who parked next to me at the supermarket. We drew into neighbouring bays at the same time. He opened his car door with such aggression that it made a 4 inch crease in mine. It was the first dent my 9 yr old car got. So I confronted him. "Oh, grow up, get a life' was his response. Then I thought "what am I realistically going to do" and I realised there was nothing. No point claiming on insurance, so 4 years later the car still has a dent. Fortunately, it's not an annoying dent as I learned not to give a fuck. It also helps that I'm not precious about cars.  Now, in the same situation I would just briefly think to myself 'ignorant git' 'typical of these days', and carry on.

In the past I would have gone out of my way to help anyone. Now, after over half a century, it will only be the GF or close friends and, as I only have 4 close friends, I won't be overstretched. Everybody else can swing, and maybe because of that I have lost something too, but not giving a fuck is a lot less stressful.

Life's too short to give a fuck about other people ....well metaphorical fucks at least

And because less people give a fuck, it's a pretty shit place. Someone started it Sir, and it wasn't me.

I'm sure you'd have felt better about it if you'd cut the valves off his tyres.

xD

 

 

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Some people might have done the same to his car and then said "Now I'll grow up" - but your response was probably the best one especially as it avoided acting on impulse and allowed cool reflection.

The bloke was a moron.

Edited by twocents

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6 minutes ago, Fossildog said:

Quite, it is a balancing act between not giving a fuck and defending principles that are important to you. With my supermarket confrontation perhaps the chap now thinks twice before not stopping at a crossing. Who knows. If I hadn't said anything then would it have given him pause for thought. Same with the fat chap who damaged your car, although he sounded aggressive and nonplussed, perhaps he now takes more care. What is for certain is that just accepting such behavior only reinforces poor behavior and means as a society we get poorer and more insular in our behavior.  I don't blame you for only looking after you and yours but when everyone does that society as a whole suffers and the world becomes a worse place.

I agree, I cared a lot. I used to make principled stands.  I do still care passionately about some things, but they are personal, such as my work. But people ? Fortunately, I'm not a nun or priest and so with regard to other people (adults), I have no conscience about not giving a fuck. I doubt your crossing person or my fat git changed their behaviour - they just don't give a fuck, I know my fat git didn't.

Ironically, my work is all about other people, I interact with 10,000s, it's just not personal so it doesn't worry me personally.

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11 minutes ago, SpectrumFX said:

I'm sure you'd have felt better about it if you'd cut the valves off his tyres.

xD

 

 

Possibly so :) but no doubt I'd have been nabbed by the CCTV cameras and ended up paying for his tyres and my dent

One revenge I would like to enact is to squirt superglue into as many parking meters as I can find - now, that is personal.

Edited by Hopeful

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Just now, Hopeful said:

Possibly so :) but no doubt I'd have been nabbed by the CCTV cameras and ended up paying for his tyres and my dent

One revenge I would like to enact is to squirt superglue into as many parking meters as I can find - now that is personal.

Which takes us back to my post in the shit policing thread.

Not enough policing to stop the fuckers doing you over, but plenty to stop you doing anything about it.

Oh well xD

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2 hours ago, spunko2010 said:

Recently got given this book but realised I don't give much of a f**k about things now compared to when in my teens or twenties. Still, everyone can learn to give a little less of a fuck. Given that this book is the number 1 bestseller on Amazon there is obviously a demand to know.

I have that on audiobook, but haven't listened to it yet. Any good?

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10 minutes ago, Reebo said:

I have that on audiobook, but haven't listened to it yet. Any good?

Read it a few weeks ago. It's worth a read but mostly obvious stuff. About 100 pages too long and lots of cringey bits, plus tries far too hard to be funny (he isn't).  I guessed from his vibe he was another ex-PUA who got into the spirituality/enlightenment stuff (after pua scene died) before google confirmed. You'll have to judge for yourself if that's good or bad thing. Still I highlighted a few bits.

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I know my time on this Earth is finite, and in the grand scheme of things, nothing that happens on this Earth matters (relative to the size, and life of the universe).

Earth's_Location_in_the_Universe_SMALLER

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I oscillate between not giving a fuck, and being overly sensitive. I'd have been infuriated for literally years afterwards at the examples given above, but it's only me that suffers from doing so. Hence I'm trying to care less, though I'm not sure I want to be that person.

2 hours ago, Hopeful said:

FUCK is such a cathartic word

I recall reading there were 14 different meanings for it!

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5 hours ago, Fossildog said:

Once you stop caring then you have lost, it is all about picking your battles. For instance I am calm personified when driving, accepting that people are inconsiderate or incapable drivers. Makes every journey much more peaceful by letting the nonsense wash over me.

Where's the fun in driving like that. I treat every journey I drive as a race. I have to get to the front and beat every one else. I'm a nervous wreck when I arrive!!

 

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I see myself as the poster boy of not giving a fuck - I love it. :D

The most interesting thing is most people also couldn't care less.

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I stopped giving a fuck at a very early age when I realized that most everybody else had never given a fuck.   I joined humanity.  We don't give a fuck.  If somebody tells you they give a fuck they are lying.  Nobody gives a fuck and never did. 

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2 hours ago, Snow bird said:

I stopped giving a fuck at a very early age when I realized that most everybody else had never given a fuck.   I joined humanity.  We don't give a fuck.  If somebody tells you they give a fuck they are lying.  Nobody gives a fuck and never did. 

Yes you do Mr Bird.O.o

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