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spunko

Marketing bollocks thread

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"Chemical free" - how did you manage to pull off that? Avoiding the entire periodic table? A wondrous achievement. Earth, air, water, almost everything is a chemical.

"All natural" - what does this mean? Apparently nothing apart from not being massively processed. But what does processed mean?! Argh

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Can we turn this into bullshit bingo?

I used to sit in meetings at a well-known global brewer.

My pet hate was "talking to". As in "This slide talks to this point" and "I'd like you to talk to this point more".

I assumed it was the American lineage of the business, or more likely the sub-par IQ of those around me.

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We have the ability to manufacture organic compounds which would never occur naturally. Horrendous substances which hang around in earth water and air and cause invisible damage. It's all to do with carbon forming long chains.

The same doesn't apply to inorganic substances made up from ions.

Guess that's the definition of chemical free?

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Manmade! Speaking of that, what does "hand cooked" (as in Kettles crisps) actually mean? I set about trying to find out many moons ago; my visions of each crisp being individually placed into the fryer were unfounded. Turns out it simply means they turn the crisps are raked by hand en masse.

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They are caringly hand picked, hand peeled, hand chipped, hand cooked, hand flavoured, and then caressed into your mouth (with a hand).

Wow, I'll pay £5 for a bag of air please!

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4 minutes ago, spunko2010 said:

Manmade! Speaking of that, what does "hand cooked" (as in Kettles crisps) actually mean? I set about trying to find out many moons ago; my visions of each crisp being individually placed into the fryer were unfounded. Turns out it simply means they turn the crisps are raked by hand en masse.

Aha! Here's one I can help with. 

 

You're correct. Simply means smaller batches and someone pokes the crisps in the fryer now and again. 

The quality of the potatoes should really be where the premium is (standard crisps and extruded tend to use grades that would barely pass animal feed these days). 

That and of course a much thicker cut and flavourings that are 'real' (I realise I'm dancing dangerously close to marketing bullshit here).

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We've fallen at the first hurdle here in accepting the use of the term "marketing".

It's propaganda.

Marketing is just what a propagandist calls it to try and trick you into thinking you're not being lied to.

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40 minutes ago, spunko2010 said:

Manmade! Speaking of that, what does "hand cooked" (as in Kettles crisps) actually mean? I set about trying to find out many moons ago; my visions of each crisp being individually placed into the fryer were unfounded. Turns out it simply means they turn the crisps are raked by hand en masse.

It might simply mean that the owners realised that it was cheaper to pay some polish bloke to rake the crisps, than to get a machine to do it.

The benefits of globalisation...

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3 hours ago, spunko2010 said:

Manmade! Speaking of that, what does "hand cooked" (as in Kettles crisps) actually mean? I set about trying to find out many moons ago; my visions of each crisp being individually placed into the fryer were unfounded. Turns out it simply means they turn the crisps are raked by hand en masse.

So probably not as good as if they'd been raked by machine - but cheaper except for the customer.

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4 hours ago, SpectrumFX said:

We've fallen at the first hurdle here in accepting the use of the term "marketing".

It's propaganda.

Marketing is just what a propagandist calls it to try and trick you into thinking you're not being lied to.

Interestingly, in the 19th Century (Three Men in a Boat), 'Marketing' seemed to mean a person going to a market and buying things.

Not many people know that!

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5 hours ago, 201p said:

They are caringly hand picked, hand peeled, hand chipped, hand cooked, hand flavoured, and then caressed into your mouth (with a hand).

Wow, I'll pay £5 for a bag of air please!

No where near enough hype.

Handpicked by Tibetan monks in Himalayas and transported by Yak to the shores of the Caspian sea where doe eyed oriental maidens hand peel, chip and cook them for your delectation.

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"Jamie Oliver"

my wife brought home some Jamie Oliver lasagne sheets recently. They seemed exactly the same as Tesco basic lasagne sheets except they had a picture of Jamie and cost twice as much.

I wondered how on earth he finds the time to run a lasagne sheet factory in Italy alongside the restaurants, tv shows, books and thousands of other food products and kitchen utensils he makes.

 

 

Edited by Reck B

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10 hours ago, One percent said:

Feck me, it makes me want to go out with, bow arrows and a spade.  What I can't kill, catch or grow ill do without. 

Once we have our own island we can do this. :)

Lord of the Flies? 

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11 hours ago, Wahoo said:

We have the ability to manufacture organic compounds which would never occur naturally. Horrendous substances which hang around in earth water and air and cause invisible damage. It's all to do with carbon forming long chains.

The same doesn't apply to inorganic substances made up from ions.

Guess that's the definition of chemical free?

I've been thinking for several years now that manmade chemicals will result in a reduction in life expectancy. We're living in an ever increasing toxic soup IMO

https://www.worldwildlife.org/press-releases/chemical-contamination-revealed-by-uk-blood-testing

http://www.ewg.org/research/body-burden-pollution-newborns#.WW0RyLHTWhA

https://www.wired.com/2009/09/humans-have-made-found-or-used-over-50-million-unique-chemicals/

 

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12 hours ago, spunko2010 said:

"Chemical free" - how did you manage to pull off that? Avoiding the entire periodic table? A wondrous achievement. Earth, air, water, almost everything is a chemical.

"All natural" - what does this mean? Apparently nothing apart from not being massively processed. But what does processed mean?! Argh

A variation of "organic food", Id really like see some inorganic food, presumably it would consists of base minerals only.

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1 minute ago, Wahoo said:

Can I be Simon?

 

Who's gonna' be poor piggy?

I was meant to read it at school. I absolutely hated it and didn't get beyond a bout the 10th page. 

Middle class twaddle afaict. O.o

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