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Mentalhammer666

Bum grapes.. Farmer giles

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I'm the type of bloke hates the Dr, is physically sick going into hospitals, but I've just woke up this morning with a huge pile!! It's actually making me gag, thinking about it. It's fuckin huge. 

The wife has some cream for it, but even touching it makes me feel sick.

Don't even like my balls being touched in case there's something cancerous!!

Noooooooooooo, I'm getting old!!

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12 minutes ago, Mentalhammer666 said:

I'm the type of bloke hates the Dr, is physically sick going into hospitals, but I've just woke up this morning with a huge pile!! It's actually making me gag, thinking about it. It's fuckin huge. 

The wife has some cream for it, but even touching it makes me feel sick.

Don't even like my balls being touched in case there's something cancerous!!

Noooooooooooo, I'm getting old!!

 

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I started getting them, but they went away when I stopped eating wheat.

I've no idea why this is (it wasn't the reason for stopping eating wheat), but I'm fairly content with the results.

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3 minutes ago, Mentalhammer666 said:

I've been stressed and been off all week, drinking and eating nonsense.

Thing is, I don't like touching my arse

Seriously, I find that a sponge soaked in very warm water applied to them relieves the pain instantly.

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Keep clean, stay active, don’t strain, don’t take ibuprofen. Then they should go away. 

I had one before Christmas and it got so painful i ended up gently sobbing in bed. 

:D

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39 minutes ago, Mentalhammer666 said:

It doesn't feel like it's out my starfish, it feels like it's further up my crack tho!? 

I googled it and really got the sweats on....

Sorry to hear you are in this situation. Sounds very unpleasant. But I'd guess half the population over say 50 suffers with haemorhoids? So you are far from alone?  (Pregnant women also!) 

As others have said, it seems they can sometimes just go away again if not aggravated? But in the worst case there's always surgery? 

I knew a couple of ppl who have had surgery and were happy afterwards. (Tho pretty sore immediately post-op.) 

So try to treat them yourself (creams and keeping BMs soft) and if they are not responding to that, see a doc ASAP?

Also try to get used to checking/touching yourself down there as I am sure it gets easier after a few times and will be much better IMO than asking someone else to do it for you ... as long as you can bend or use a mirror?! 

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1 hour ago, Mentalhammer666 said:

It doesn't feel like it's out my starfish, it feels like it's further up my crack tho!? 

I googled it and really got the sweats on....

Never google any medical condition, especially anything arse related as it is always arse cancer.

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32 minutes ago, Oskar said:

Never google any medical condition, especially anything arse related as it is always arse cancer.

No matter what symptoms you google for anything it always comes up as cancer or aids.

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1 hour ago, sarahbell said:

More fibre. More water. Less straining 

NHS website will have more information

1 hour ago, Lavalas said:

Keep clean, stay active, don’t strain, don’t take ibuprofen. Then they should go away. 

I had one before Christmas and it got so painful i ended up gently sobbing in bed. 

:D

Heard an interview with the author of a book about the bowel (sorry, can't remember whom/which) who was very pro relieving strain by going in the position we've always done e.g. in the forest, by using something like a https://www.squattypotty.com

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Hydrocortisone cream will help with the symptoms. Soluble fibre in your diet will likely help with the root cause - porridge for breakfast is a good start and, if that’s not enough, take a supplement (there’s tons of them out there).

38 minutes ago, goldbug9999 said:

No matter what symptoms you google for anything it always comes up as cancer or aids.

Dr Google is a fucking menace. Stick to the NHS or Mayo Clinic websites and ignore every other hit.

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If you're in pain, hydrocortisone suppositories are the way forward- they are absolute magic, I first tried them in desperation because I was in proper agony, a couple of hours later I was completely fine. You used to have to ask for them over the pharmacist's counter, but now they're just on the shelf. Don't use any corticosteroid treatment for more than a week at a time.

They didn't actually cure my piles though; I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and try and get surgery at some point, because they're a nuisance bleeding all the time. I wish I could say that I got them from enthusiastic pegging or some other fun activity, but the sad truth is that I got them from having hygeine OCD which caused me to wipe over-zealously 9_9 .

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43 minutes ago, Rave said:

hygeine OCD which caused me to wipe over-zealously 9_9 .

I know you want to make them mega clean, but just rinse with warm water. No soap. 

Germoloids HC spray is a godsend if they are itchy or sore. Don't ask me how I know.

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