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Turned Out Nice Again

contacting old friends on social media (the futility of)

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On a whim last night, I Failbook messaged an old pal from university after 30+ years apart. He replied this morning and I think I've possibly managed to alienate him in the course of about 100 lines. Fuck.

Maybe there's a reason you didn't keep in touch with people ... or possibly social messaging is just the worst possible way to re-connect with old friends ... or I'm a dick.

Any good/ bad experiences to report?

Edited by Turned Out Nice Again

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I've reconnected with a few people via Linkedin oddly enough and it's been positive. I think the difference is that, via Bookface, you don't get much of an idea of what they've done with themselves for the last 30 years or whatever wherever with Linkedin you can quickly find out if there's any chance you still have something in common. 

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I recently caught up with an old school friend who I'd otherwise seen only once in the last 25 years and also had a very positive experience. Might be relevant that whilst both of us are on Egobook, neither of us are remotely active on it. I'm not sure I'd find much in common with the active ones who are so busy projecting their preferred bullshit image.

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1 hour ago, Turned Out Nice Again said:

On a whim last night, I Failbook messaged an old pal from university after 30+ years apart. He replied this morning and I think I've possibly managed to alienate him in the course of about 100 lines. Fuck.

Maybe there's a reason you didn't keep in touch with people ... or possibly social messaging is just the worst possible way to re-connect with old friends ... or I'm a dick.

Any good/ bad experiences to report?

Come on, spill the beans. What did you say?

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8 minutes ago, blobloblob said:

Come on, spill the beans. What did you say?

In 100 lines clearly far too much.

Why would he need to meet you now? - he knows everything.

Have you never heard of a teaser campaign?

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22 minutes ago, blobloblob said:

Come on, spill the beans. What did you say?

I think it started going wrong when I enquired after a mutual woman friend of ours from uni. He said that she is now married and had recently recovered from breast cancer. I then recalled that they had had a thing going at university and that I had fancied her then myself - cue instant mood change.

 

Edited by Turned Out Nice Again

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14 minutes ago, Turned Out Nice Again said:

I think it started going wrong when I enquired after a mutual woman friend of ours from uni. He said that she is now married and had recently recovered from breast cancer. I then recalled that they had had a thing going at university and that I had fancied her then myself - cue instant mood change. 

 

Thank god you didn't mention the time you shagged his mum :ph34r:

Edited by Cunning Plan

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27 minutes ago, Turned Out Nice Again said:

How the flip do you talk to somebody you haven't seen in 30 years without a/ boring the bollocks of each other with trivia; b/ falling into bragging/ posturing or c/ getting mired in nostalgia? Maybe it's best to leave the past behind.

There are many people I haven't seen for years. I get an occasional email. If they turn up, they are welcome.

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Very difficult if there is any disparity in lifestyles and there are other awkwardness hurdles too.

I know a lot of people who jump-started old friendships through Friends Reunited, with mixed results skewed towards the negative. Oddly they all repeated the process, with similar results all over again with Facebook.

I was corresponding with a woman who I would have had a thing with at the time, if I hadn't been with someone. I contacted a few years ago, out of the blue, as she didn't appear to be with anyone. She seemed keen, then blew hot and cold to totally cold. Later found out from, someone else, she was in fact engaged. She's now contacted me saying she regrets getting married - in a sort of way that implies I must have known this was what was going on although, to her knowledge, there should be no way I do.

In summary, life was probably better without the internet.

 

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I find the thread ressuring in that most reconnections I have had have been negative. I still have contact with a couple on facebook and have met up with a couple more. I have another who made contact recently who I have not recontacted but will probably do so in the future. I have few friends as such but family is strong and that is enough really. Wife and now keds are probably the only ones who "got me " in any sense. I find most others disappointing and friendship unfailingly shallow and empty and as a result keep my distance I guess.

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1 minute ago, man o' the year said:

I find the thread ressuring in that most reconnections I have had have been negative. I still have contact with a couple on facebook and have met up with a couple more. I have another who made contact recently who I have not recontacted but will probably do so in the future. I have few friends as such but family is strong and that is enough really. Wife and now keds are probably the only ones who "got me " in any sense. I find most others disappointing and friendship unfailingly shallow and empty and as a result keep my distance I guess.

I could have written this myself.

I met up last year with the bloke that lived in the flat next to me when we were both young. The partying back then was legendary.

He is still a pilot but now into property flipping. Went for a curry and he banged on so much about money that I think I either zoned out or might even have nodded off. He didn't notice.

I got a text out of the blue from another old friend suggesting we go for a few drinks. This is an odd one. Haven't seen him for five years and we only really met up as part of a group of parents or at the kids' cricket- never just one on one.

I have absolutely no idea why he got in contact. Yes, we share the same piss taking sense of humour but he is an exceptionally successful businessman and has always been surrounded by people. Will be interesting to see how it goes!

 

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14 minutes ago, Cunning Plan said:

I could have written this myself.

I met up last year with the bloke that lived in the flat next to me when we were both young.

I got a text out of the blue from another old friend suggesting we go for a few drinks. 

I have absolutely no idea why he got in contact. 

 

Has someone with the same name as you recently won £££ on the lottery and gone public?

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18 minutes ago, Cunning Plan said:

I could have written this myself.

I met up last year with the bloke that lived in the flat next to me when we were both young. The partying back then was legendary.

He is still a pilot but now into property flipping. Went for a curry and he banged on so much about money that I think I either zoned out or might even have nodded off. He didn't notice.

I got a text out of the blue from another old friend suggesting we go for a few drinks. This is an odd one. Haven't seen him for five years and we only really met up as part of a group of parents or at the kids' cricket- never just one on one.

I have absolutely no idea why he got in contact. Yes, we share the same piss taking sense of humour but he is an exceptionally successful businessman and has always been surrounded by people. Will be interesting to see how it goes!

 

Brace yourself for the talk turning towards needing some business investment at the end.

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7 minutes ago, SNACR said:

Brace yourself for the talk turning towards needing some business investment at the end.

Absolutely no chance of that happening. 

 

12 minutes ago, sarahbell said:

Has someone with the same name as you recently won £££ on the lottery and gone public?

A lottery win would make absolutely no difference to this guy.

Perhaps he needs advice on buying an island?

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2 minutes ago, Cunning Plan said:

Absolutely no chance of that happening. 

 

That's what I always think to start with. With some there is genuinely something random that triggered a memory to look you up but, as with relatives who turn up out of the blue, they often want something.

Edited by SNACR

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8 minutes ago, SNACR said:

That's what I always think to start with. With some there is genuinely something random that triggered a memory to look you up but, as with relatives who turn up out of the blue, they often want something.

I think it was a memory trigger. The last time we were together was at Lord's and he texted me from there.

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2 hours ago, Turned Out Nice Again said:

How the flip do you talk to somebody you haven't seen in 30 years without a/ boring the bollocks of each other with trivia; b/ falling into bragging/ posturing or c/ getting mired in nostalgia? Maybe it's best to leave the past behind.

I stayed in contact with several people I went to boarding school with (yeah yeah boo hiss :wanker:) for best part of 20 years afterward, but drifted away as got older and found I had less and less in common with them, my reverting back to the people I came from, being a pikey tradesman and them being more London centric office types. Feel a bit guilty for not making more of an effort with genuinely nice people, but what TONA wrote above rings very true. Didn't really stay in contact with anyone from university because it was a miserable experience I didn't want reminding of. Would be kind of interesting to find out what happened to the people I knew there, but not so interesting as to get involved with social media to find out.

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51 minutes ago, Caravan Monster said:

Feel a bit guilty for not making more of an effort with genuinely nice people, but what TONA wrote above rings very true. Didn't really stay in contact with anyone from university because it was a miserable experience I didn't want reminding of. Would be kind of interesting to find out what happened to the people I knew there, but not so interesting as to get involved with social media to find out.

 

1 hour ago, man o' the year said:

I find the thread ressuring in that most reconnections I have had have been negative. I still have contact with a couple on facebook and have met up with a couple more. I have another who made contact recently who I have not recontacted but will probably do so in the future. I have few friends as such but family is strong and that is enough really. Wife and now keds are probably the only ones who "got me " in any sense. I find most others disappointing and friendship unfailingly shallow and empty and as a result keep my distance I guess.

Interesting responses.

I think the minefield with reacquainting with old mates, particularly school/ university ones, at my stage of life is that you are potentially dealing with damaged individuals who have been entirely re-made by life experiences such as bereavement, disease, career disappointments or family break-ups for whom your nostalgic recollections are their past regrets.

There are also the increasing number of formerly laid-back individuals latterly reborn as militant Leftist/SJWs primed to kick off at the slightest off-colour remark.

I can usually see these things coming face-to-face via body-language but in electronic/print am liable to wander blithely into the minefield and get blown-up.

Edited by Turned Out Nice Again

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I did ponder recently how people change, or don't, and can't decide. Disappointingly I spotted an ex-girlfriend on a women's anti-Trump march thing. When she was with me she didn't show any signs, of being a militant left-wing feminist type, and if anything slightly right-wing but the more I thought about it the more I realised it was maybe always there. We had a massive row from me making some off-hand comment about never employing women in some role as they're never any good in it.

Edited by SNACR

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Met up with an old schoolmate via the, then new, school website around 2000. Went well, seven hours in the pub well, but never done anything since -it was a sort of disappointment despite it going well. Later stalked a woman on Facebook, my big what if, before sending a friend request in a moment of weakness. Friended in minutes, met after several months and several times since, get on great but she is always hot/cold about meeting. Glad I did it though.

Edited by Panther

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In my second half century and have 6 friends, 1 I haven't seen for spoken to for 25 years, but I know we'd still be friends, 1 I haven't seen for 4 years, and 3 I see at least annually. I haven't made any friends in the last 15 years, but I haven't looked for any. 6 feels enough.

I have a few people that like me and I like them, but wouldn't class them as friends, we just see 'eye to eye' and get along well if we meet up through work, which is rare as we are geographically spread and busy.

There is my best mate friend from school who I would like to get back in touch with and they are on FB witha  'quiet' account but I haven't got in touch because of the 'uncertainty and out of the blue' that would generate in them.

Then there is the top girl from school with the bestest ever tits who chatted me up the day before I went to Uni ........... www.facebook.co.....

Edited by Hopeful

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