I do like this one

[Frank Hovis]

Nine acres of woodland and set in the hills above the river Wye.  Way too big though with seven bedrooms, separtate two bed flat, and having been a B&B; I would be spending all my time just looking after it.

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-59554795.html

I would also need to move back to Gloucestershire to live in it.

[swiss_democracy_for_all]

Maybe you could buy it with TMT and run it as a high-class sex party venue. A few little additions here and there(more showers dotted around), and some appropriate decor changes, and it would have all the attributes.