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I keep seeing job ads for 'scrum master'.  For a laugh I sometimes read the description.  Its always a paragraph of total bollocks that mentions agile at least twice.  Is it just me that really doesn't fancy working at a place where even the job ad is bogged down in utter bullshit!?! 

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The art of project management is to ensure that all problems that emerge don't look to be the fault of the project manager.

As soon as people start thinking there are problems with the methodology itself (Prince2) they invent a new methodology (Agile).  This'll no doubt happen again soon enough.

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It's a scam. I have seen this so many times over the years. For years "quality" was the thing, then afterwards "six sigma". Now it's agile.

it works like this - start with something that is basically a good idea. Tart it up out of all recognition so that it has its own internal structure and jargon which by design is hard to understand. Sell "consultancy" services to confused organisations who want to do the right thing but can't penetrate the bullshit fog. Agile is fine if you get rid of all the user stories and scrums and kanbans and all that crap. The sad part is that organisations waste 80% of agile's value by focussing on the unnecessary gobbledegook instead of using the basic message to improve their core business. 

 

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I quite like agile, mostly the bit about it demonstrating that nobody has a clue what they are doing at the start of a project including the business.  It flushes out that as developers we have to work with the business having a vague notion of what they want which gives me the right to tell them if they dont know what they want how am I supposed to deliver what they dont know on a timeline.  It gets you to the point of project failure quickly.

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14 minutes ago, MaxTheCat said:

I quite like agile, mostly the bit about it demonstrating that nobody has a clue what they are doing at the start of a project including the business.  It flushes out that as developers we have to work with the business having a vague notion of what they want which gives me the right to tell them if they dont know what they want how am I supposed to deliver what they dont know on a timeline.  It gets you to the point of project failure quickly.

I'm no longer on an agile project but the only bit of the dogma management heard were 3 week release cycles.

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I fucking hate it with a passion and the happy clappy adherents / evangelists are worse. I attended a introductory course which was something akin to a cult initiation. I questioned to what extent and how the concept of "Minimum Viable Product" worked in a complex regulated business. Apparently this marked me out as a heretic. I was told that I "need to have faith" that it'll work. Hmmm....

There are well documented issues with SSADM but it forces people to front end load the "thinking" element of projects. Important stuff like "how is this going to work?" and "what does the end-state look like?" Agile all too often just leads to people starting doing "stuff" all the whilst hoping that the myriad of integrations required will magically sort themselves out.

Perfect for small scale user interaction heavy processing without significant integrations. Large scale programmes? Good luck. I'll just take the money as fuck-up after fuck-up happens.

As you say agile successes are sung to the stars and agile failures are due to agile not being done properly. Not because the methodology (such as it is) is paper thin and subject to the whim of whoever holds the power to bend it to their will.

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Posted (edited)

Are you guys really so dumb that you cant separate the useful ideas from the charlatan salesmen ?. How on earth do any of you manage a single day as a functioning engineer with such an inability to filter signal from noise ?.

This whole thread is an exercise in the substitution of nuanced thought and evaluation with playing to the gallery with cheap shots.

Reality: actual agile has made the whole software dev industry massively more productive than it was say 30 years ago.

 

Edited by goldbug9999

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55 minutes ago, Dave Bloke said:

Agile zealots seem a bit like socialists. It never seems to work that well in practice but that is because everyone is doing it wrong.

When I hear Agile I interpret it as hacking 

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55 minutes ago, Iamcynical said:

I keep seeing job ads for 'scrum master'.  For a laugh I sometimes read the description.  Its always a paragraph of total bollocks that mentions agile at least twice.  Is it just me that really doesn't fancy working at a place where even the job ad is bogged down in utter bullshit!?! 

What's wrong with you? A scrum master is accountable for removing impediments to the ability of the team to deliver the sprint goals and deliverables. It is a highly sought-after and enterprising role perfect for those self-organisers within any full stack development house.

(kill me now)

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6 minutes ago, ad_ceng said:

When I hear Agile I interpret it as hacking 

Thats how it works most places because they have b or c level players doing the work.  Most places dont want to pay for the a level players until its too late and they have a massive pile of shit system developed that doesnt work.

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Just now, MaxTheCat said:

Thats how it works most places because they have b or c level players doing the work.  Most places dont want to pay for the a level players until its too late and they have a massive pile of shit system developed that doesnt work.

I find that a lot in most companies they drive you to be mediocre, it is why I left years ago and formed my own consultancy

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59 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

My old IT mananger was always keen on new buzzwords but even he looked shifty when trying to explain "Agile".

I have worked with "agile" development teams for years and I still don't have a fucking clue what it means. I just googled the definition of scrum - another word I don't fully understand.

Scrum is a framework within which people can address complex adaptive problems, while productively and creatively delivering products of the highest possible value. It is based on the adaptive and iterative methodology of software development.

blink-182-wtf-gif-11.gif

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Here is a  demo job advert that I have more or less posted before on some freelance type websites. Luckily I spend quite a bit (oo-err) with them already so they are reluctant to censor me I suppose.

 

Looking for a developer with 4+ years of proven experience in X and Y. Ideally self-taught.

If you are sick of buzzwords like scrum master, agile framework and just want to work in X development remotely then this may be the job for you. Flexible hours, no meetings or office nonsense. No CV required but you must be able to prove ability and experience with live examples. Must be fluent in English. Regrettably we cannot accept applicants from India or Pakistan.

It roots out the 10+ years PHD losers and all tthose looking to "advance their career" bollocks politics.

I have just employed a 19 year old from the NE who is clearly a bit "on the spectrum" but he has never worked for a development agency yet he is clearly willing to learn and extremely competent.

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Posted (edited)
17 minutes ago, spunko said:

I have worked with "agile" development teams for years and I still don't have a fucking clue what it means. I just googled the definition of scrum - another word I don't fully understand.

Scrum is a framework within which people can address complex adaptive problems, while productively and creatively delivering products of the highest possible value. It is based on the adaptive and iterative methodology of software development.

blink-182-wtf-gif-11.gif

Ignore scrum, its just a management oriented re branding of extreme programming. Look that up as well as the "agile manifesto". Ignore pretty much everything.

Part of your problem is that you are looking for a delta when if fact many of the things agile pioneered (or at least brought to the forefront) are now just automatically part of modern development practices.

Run a bunch of automated tests before commuting code ? -agile.

Invest time specifically in tidying up code rather than adding new functionality ? - agile.

Allowing anyone to work on any bit of code (vs having "owners" of specific bits) ? - agile.

Investing in making code and tests as clear and expressive as possible rather than copious comments & docs ? - agile.

Delivering new features as and when ready as opposed to batching them up for 6 months / a year etc - agile.

etc etc

Edited by goldbug9999

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1 minute ago, goldbug9999 said:

Ignore scrum, its just a management oriented re branding of extreme programming. Look that up as well as the "agile manifesto". Ignore pretty much everything.

Part of your problem is that you are looking for a delta when if fact many of the things agile pioneered (or at least brought to the forefront) are now just automatically part of modern development practices.

Run a bunch of automated tests before commuting code ? -agile.

Invest time specifically in tidying up code rather than adding new functionality ? - agile.

Allowing anyone to work on any bit of code (vs having "owners" of specific bits) ? - agile.

etc etc

So if I am already working fine in an "agile" environment, what exactly is the point of the word "agile"? It seems redundant to invent a new term for something that already exists. That is the problem with all these buzzwords. I cringe inside when I read the word "Epic" in JIRA.

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Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, spunko said:

So if I am already working fine in an "agile" environment, what exactly is the point of the word "agile"? It seems redundant to invent a new term for something that already exists. That is the problem with all these buzzwords. I cringe inside when I read the word "Epic" in JIRA.

Because things were not done like that at the time it was "invented" (no really they weren't).

(for time frame reference were talking mid-late 90's).

Example: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Extreme-Programming-Explained-Embrace-Change/dp/0201616416/ref=pd_lpo_14_t_1/261-3184150-7764948

Summarises all of the core ideas that are useful, you can safely ignore all of the management/consultancy guff since.

Edited by goldbug9999

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13 minutes ago, spunko said:

Here is a  demo job advert that I have more or less posted before on some freelance type websites. Luckily I spend quite a bit (oo-err) with them already so they are reluctant to censor me I suppose.

Could you let me know what marketplaces are worth looking on, just in case anyone happens to be advertising for engineers in my own particular niche?

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1 minute ago, JoeDavola said:

Could you let me know what marketplaces are worth looking on, just in case anyone happens to be advertising for engineers in my own particular niche?

Most of them are closed now, i.e. they got bought out, and Upwork is the result. They're a bit like Amazon, far too powerful and getting more and more expensive as the competition dwindles. Back in the good old days RentACoder was the best.

Upwork is okay but I only use it as an employer not an employee so it might be completely different from the other side.

Freelancer.com is woeful.

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27 minutes ago, ad_ceng said:

I find that a lot in most companies they drive you to be mediocre, it is why I left years ago and formed my own consultancy

Im lumbered with being one of the guys that gets brought in to fix the fuckups.  Usually the Indian or more often these days Eastern European fuckups.  Thats why Im enjoying having some time away from the madness.

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5 minutes ago, spunko said:

Most of them are closed now, i.e. they got bought out, and Upwork is the result. They're a bit like Amazon, far too powerful and getting more and more expensive as the competition dwindles. Back in the good old days RentACoder was the best.

Upwork is okay but I only use it as an employer not an employee so it might be completely different from the other side.

Freelancer.com is woeful.

I went on one a few years back and it was full of indians who were quite obviously bullshitting about their expereince and in a race to the bottom price-wise. Even though I know I could have done a better job than them, I felt that some client would try and beat my hourly rate down by saying "well Pajeet can do this for £5 an hour" and I didn't want/need to play that game.

I'd almost prefer one where you had to have some sort of application process/interview with knowledgable folk to get yourself onto the site in the first place.

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50 minutes ago, Dave Bloke said:

I'm no longer on an agile project but the only bit of the dogma management heard were 3 week release cycles.

Not very agile, is it? :) The clue is in the name - it's about agility, quickly adapting to changing requirements but also adapting the process to suit your needs.

I think most posters here have been heavily traumatized by some horrendous, stiff and strict process that had "agile" label misplaced on it.

Also, people who ask what is so revolutionary about simply doing whatever works best for the given team, company and task at hand, probably never experienced a big IT project in the 90s or early 00s. The very idea that you could write a single line of code without a full set of documentation, complete suite of detailed requirements for the entire 2-year long project, multiple architectural diagrams etc was a blasphemy. It seems normal now because agile movement helped make it normal.

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