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GBDamo

Out of the mouths of children..

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40 minutes ago, GBDamo said:

Just made microwave popcorn for the little un.

Runs upstairs to mummy,

"Mummy, mummy daddy's making cock porn"

They are the gift that keeps on giving.

 

Any similar examples?

 

How did your young one discover the words 'cock' and 'porn'? Naughty loose-lipped mummy & daddy. xD

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Posted (edited)

Love it!

Apparently, one January I drew a 'picture' at primary school of Christmas morning chez nous.

I was asked to explain my drawing (aka scribble) to the teacher & she joyfully reported whhsy I said (verbatim) to my mum when she came to collect me to go home, while handing over the 'picture' no doubt.

I had apparently  said "well that's me playing with my (whatever toy it was I'd got) and that's my brother playing with his (whatever toy he'd got) ... and that's er mummy playing with daddy. 

No idea what I had meant as they didn't normally play any games together! 

Probably as I had put them in there as they were part of my family, then when I was forced to 'explain' I felt obliged to make up some crap activity which (in my child's brain) seemed like a reasonable scenario?  😂

Mum mum was forced to accept the implied suggestion! 😳

Sometimes kids just come out with hilarious stuff on their own. But other times the adults set them up to do it?! 😉

Must be the best part of being a primary school teacher though ... seeing what the kids come out with?! 😊

Edited by whocares

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I think when I was around 10 years old I was with my mum, dad, sister and her husband. We were talking about astrogical star signs and as I was a Virgo I said: "I'm a virgin!" 

Well, I was back then. Sister made a wise crack and the rest laughed. I never quite understood the point at the time, I was a bit of a sheltered kid. 

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57 minutes ago, The Masked Tulip said:

 

How did your young one discover the words 'cock' and 'porn'? Naughty loose-lipped mummy & daddy. xD

Spoonerism Tulip, use your noggin man.

Pop corn

Cock porn.

Could have been cop porn but my filthy mind self corrupted.

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Posted (edited)

I once came home from primary school announcing proudly that the teacher had assessed me as ... "abnormal".  I think I meant "above average" . 

My mum wasn't sure if she should be worried about me!

Edited by whocares

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1 hour ago, GBDamo said:

Spoonerism Tulip, use your noggin man.

Pop corn

Cock porn.

Exactly. A bit like worrying that you will lose an hour when the cocks go black.

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Posted (edited)

My elder son had very good diction and quite a deep, clear voice as a toddler. With two quite noticeable exceptions: he used to say “melk” rather than “milk”, and “fuck” rather than “fork”. We didn’t make a big deal of it and just quietly corrected him every time. 

He was also oddly reluctant to use his hands to eat.

This led to countless occasions when someone would offer him some snack food, and he would look up at them and earnestly ask, “Need a fuck, please.” In fact, my sister found it so funny that every time he went round to play with his cousins, she would ‘forget’ to put out a fork for him.

Edited by Hail the Tripod

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Used to take my children swimming when they were 7/8 or so.  One game was that they would hold on to the edge and I would be 'the monster' and drag them back into the water.

My youngist would keep asking 'Daddy, pull me off at the side'. 

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Took my lad to one of those Lapland trips. In the evening they all sat around, and the elf was asking them what they all wanted for Christmas. 

Usual stuff - one kid wants a bike, another some doll shit, that kind of thing.

Then  is is my lad's turn. He was quite shy and just said 'I am going to get an operation'

Collective sigh from all the yummy mummies at the back. 

oops.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcSroVBIwLORmk3CPr00dYi7RMMurn_Dc7y4ZvPVp_7ayguFFG9GKreqx21eUk3C2eJEnKGY_1Fl&usqp=CAc

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Went to a children's theatrical event in Cardiff for children with my partner and her 4 and a half year old grandson. 10 Rubber Ducks, and 2 other related shows. So we're sitting there, waiting, and nothing is happening on stage, and the little one says "They haven't switched it on yet".

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4 hours ago, NewryH said:

Used to take my children swimming when they were 7/8 or so.  One game was that they would hold on to the edge and I would be 'the monster' and drag them back into the water.

My youngist would keep asking 'Daddy, pull me off at the side'. 

Kids eh?

When my youngest was a toddler maybe a little older than that we were messing around play fighting in the front room (fully clothed, I have to point out at this juncture). Anyhoo, I was stood up, picked him up, spun him around  so his feet were in the air and his head was by my crotch and the little bleeder bit me, not maliciously, but hard enough to hurt. Some time later (months, if not years) we're sat in a doctors waiting room (full) and he just laughed, looked at me and said 'hey dad, remember that time we were playing and I bit your willy'.

I have no idea what shade of red I must have gone.

Another time we were on a packed train and he turned to his brother and in his best santa voice said 'ho ho ho, you smell of piss'.

He's trouble that kid.

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Was in the supermarket with my daughter (then aged about 6) when we past a really fat woman in the aisle (I mea like REALLY fat)...

"Daddy, is she fat?" she asked me... I paused in horror for a second, before realising there was no way out of this and instead decided to double down

"No darling, she's morbidly obese, she'd have to lose a few stone before she'd be considered fat"...

didn't even look back to see the reaction, though i'll admit to walking away at a faster speed than I otherwise would have!

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14 hours ago, GBDamo said:

Just made microwave popcorn for the little un.

Runs upstairs to mummy,

"Mummy, mummy daddy's making cock porn"

They are the gift that keeps on giving.

 

Any similar examples?

We came back from holiday in Cornwall a few years back and when the teacher asked my daughter where she'd been on her holidays, she told the teacher she'd had a lovely week in Runcorn.

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On 20/04/2020 at 13:09, whocares said:

I once came home from primary school announcing proudly that the teacher had assessed me as ... "abnormal".  I think I meant "above average" . 

My mum wasn't sure if she should be worried about me!

When I was in Junior school my school report said I should 'come down to Earth'. I was chuffed because I thought it meant I was a budding astronaut.

And thus, the relentless crushing of my enthusiasm and imagination by the state education system began.

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1 hour ago, Happy Renting said:

When I was in Junior school my school report said I should 'come down to Earth'. I was chuffed because I thought it meant I was a budding astronaut.

And thus, the relentless crushing of my enthusiasm and imagination by the state education system began.

And that also explains why you hate Tim Peake so much.

He got your place in space...

 

XYY

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I had picked up one of my kids for the day during seperation from my first wife.  Anyway, he was just learning to talk.  On the drive back, he was practicing new word sounds.  All well and good.

Until he ran up to the front door shouting FUCK DUCK repeatedly.

 

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One Winter's day my toddler daughter climbed up into the window and stared intently at the fog, which she hadn't seen before.

After a few minutes trying to work out what it was she said "cotton wool outside".

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On 20/04/2020 at 18:51, Roger_Mellie said:

Kids eh?

When my youngest was a toddler maybe a little older than that we were messing around play fighting in the front room (fully clothed, I have to point out at this juncture). Anyhoo, I was stood up, picked him up, spun him around  so his feet were in the air and his head was by my crotch and the little bleeder bit me, not maliciously, but hard enough to hurt. Some time later (months, if not years) we're sat in a doctors waiting room (full) and he just laughed, looked at me and said 'hey dad, remember that time we were playing and I bit your willy'.

I have no idea what shade of red I must have gone.

Another time we were on a packed train and he turned to his brother and in his best santa voice said 'ho ho ho, you smell of piss'.

He's trouble that kid.

I'd have had trouble not responding "I told you that's our little secret!!", the looks on peoples faces would be priceless.

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2 hours ago, Snark said:

I'd have had trouble not responding "I told you that's our little secret!!", the looks on peoples faces would be priceless.

Or "ssshhhhhhh - you need to be quiet about these things, otherwise the monster than lives under the stairs will come and get you..."

 

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