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Reality Overtaking Satire

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Spare a thought for the poor satirists. Truly they are the real victims of the cruel hand fate has played us.

Two examples of stories I've seen today, which if you came across them under normal circumstances, you would check the date of the article; expecting it to be 1 April.

I don't recall seeing either of these in the main coronavirus thread; and they deserve a thread of their own alongside any other egregious examples spotted in the wild.

1) The Iranian military have announced the invention of a device which can detect coronavirus at a range of up to 100 metres, with 80% accuracy. It looks like tho old golfball detector scam has had new life breathed into it https://www.theregister.co.uk/2020/04/17/iran_coronavirus_detector/

2) Richard Branson is going to put up Necker Island as collateral against a bailout loan from the government. This was actually an April Fool's story from Guido Fawkes until someone from Virgin's PR dept saw it and thought, "What a good idea!" https://order-order.com/2020/04/20/branson-pledges-necker-island-bailout-collateral/

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Posted (edited)
35 minutes ago, Long time lurking said:

I think this fits in here 

https://www.rt.com/news/486373-tavistock-nurses-haka-maori-racist/?utm_source=browser&utm_medium=aplication_chrome&utm_campaign=chrome

 

UK nurses’ anti-coronavirus haka denounced by Maori as ‘racist’ and ‘cultural appropriation’

The worlds gone fecking mad

There's a bit in community (possible s 4 E3) where the Germans are in trouble for joining in celebrating octobafest because celebrating your own culture is against the rules

Edited by sarahbell

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9 hours ago, Long time lurking said:

I think this fits in here 

https://www.rt.com/news/486373-tavistock-nurses-haka-maori-racist/?utm_source=browser&utm_medium=aplication_chrome&utm_campaign=chrome

 

UK nurses’ anti-coronavirus haka denounced by Maori as ‘racist’ and ‘cultural appropriation’

The worlds gone fecking mad

Pity Jimi Hendrix is no longer around so he can't be pulled up on playing a Spanish person's instrument.

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6 hours ago, JohnThePessimist said:

This is the ultimate SJW throwdown! An ethnic minority challenges the hallowed NHS at a time of crisis. #owenjonesindilemma!

It’s lucky this particular event didn’t happen in NZ. The people (whiteys and Maori)  wailing about the “sacred” Maori stuff make Owen Jones look like a sensible commentator.  

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13 hours ago, sarahbell said:

Necker Island is up to its neck in a water? Or about to be fully submerged. It's worth fuck all

The buildings were wiped out by a hurricane a few years back but it's quite high. We aren't talking Sandbanks here.

1200px-Necker_Island,_BVI.JPG

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Just now, Frank Hovis said:

The buildings were wiped out by a hurricane a few years back but it's quite high. We aren't talking Sandbanks here.

1200px-Necker_Island,_BVI.JPG

You do know it's an inflatable bit in the middle? It's where he put all his balloons.

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14 hours ago, Long time lurking said:

I think this fits in here 

https://www.rt.com/news/486373-tavistock-nurses-haka-maori-racist/?utm_source=browser&utm_medium=aplication_chrome&utm_campaign=chrome

 

UK nurses’ anti-coronavirus haka denounced by Maori as ‘racist’ and ‘cultural appropriation’

The worlds gone fecking mad

They're all so jolly and fat. 

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Another misleading story in the local press.

Car seized after couple drive from Kent to Cornwall on mini break.

And yet again buried further down the story is the actual, rather than implied, reason that the car was seized.

The driver had no licence and the car was not insured.

 

https://www.cornwalllive.com/news/cornwall-news/car-seized-after-couple-drive-4078528

 

It's sheer propaganda.

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2 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

Another misleading story in the local press.

Car seized after couple drive from Kent to Cornwall on mini break.

And yet again buried further down the story is the actual, rather than implied, reason that the car was seized.

The driver had no licence and the car was not insured.

 

https://www.cornwalllive.com/news/cornwall-news/car-seized-after-couple-drive-4078528

 

It's sheer propaganda.

BBC News at Ten last night was desperately trying to link everything in the world to Corona virus. First we had the obligatory Covid Porn, with every possible human interest story they could dredge up. Then we had the Beeb's pet themes linked to Covid - Muzzers (Rohyingas refused asylum due to 'fears of corona virus'), Wimmin at Risk (they daren't dob in violent husbands during lockdown) Trump (orange man bad says inject disinfectant haha orange man stupid think him know more than doctors), some dead BBC presenter from the 80s who disappointingly did not die from Corona but spent her last days 'leading the clapping for the NHS'.

Then some lighthearted stories of people 'getting round the lockdown restrictions'  - hang on, aren't we in danger of death if we do that? Then a lot of gloom and doom about the economy and Sadik Khan saying the British taxpayer will have to bail out London Transport (no challenge as to whether that was possible or desirable).

Seems to me Peter Hitchens is right in that narrative is now moving towards questioning the lockdown due to its effects on the economy. I think the MSM is now shifting away from covid-porn (in the absence of any major increase in death rates) towards an attempt to influence public opinion in favour of easing lockdown.

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7 minutes ago, Austin Allegro said:

Seems to me Peter Hitchens is right in that narrative is now moving towards questioning the lockdown due to its effects on the economy. I think the MSM is now shifting away from covid-porn (in the absence of any major increase in death rates) towards an attempt to influence public opinion in favour of easing lockdown.

Can't wait for somebody to work out the total cost of this exercise and divide it by the number of deaths/cases.

We will then get a real cost attributable to the value of a human (if somewhat knackered on average) life in the UK.

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52 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

It's sheer propaganda.

Similarly misreported on BBC web site. The driver had no licence or insurance. That's why the car was siezed.

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3 hours ago, MrPin said:

Similarly misreported on BBC web site. The driver had no licence or insurance. That's why the car was siezed.

Has there been any reported arrest under the emergency powers which was solely for breaching the lockdown orders? All the ones I have read of included other offences.

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8 hours ago, Chewing Grass said:

Can't wait for somebody to work out the total cost of this exercise and divide it by the number of deaths/cases.

We will then get a real cost attributable to the value of a human (if somewhat knackered on average) life in the UK.

The "total cost of this exercise" includes lives as well.

A lot of people have died already and even more will die in the future due to lockdown. 

A lot of people have died already from Covid and a lot will die in the future, nature is unforgiving.

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On 20/04/2020 at 21:48, Long time lurking said:

I think this fits in here 

https://www.rt.com/news/486373-tavistock-nurses-haka-maori-racist/?utm_source=browser&utm_medium=aplication_chrome&utm_campaign=chrome

 

UK nurses’ anti-coronavirus haka denounced by Maori as ‘racist’ and ‘cultural appropriation’

The worlds gone fecking mad

Someone should point out to them that if some British nurses doing the haka is "racist" and "cultural appropriation", then so is playing rugby, using the English language and using Twitter, because I don't remember the Maori culture creating any of those.

The nurses should make use of another excellent bit of British culture, which is telling someone who is full of shit, to "Fuck off".

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And here's another bizarre one - it's the Royal Navy's remake of On The Beach as a farce, rather than a tragedy...

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2020/04/24/hms_trenchant_bbq_brouhaha/

The tldr version:

Nuclear sub crew have been out on tour since long before anyone in the west knew where Wuhan was. They finally put into port and want to have a party to celebrate.

Some prat in the Admiralty decides that this would be a bad look for the Navy. Because obviously people will complain that if they want to have similar sized crowds at their own self-isolating barbecues they have to set out their entire collection of blow-up dolls/dress their cats up (delete as appropriate).

So, permission is denied, but the BBQ goes ahead anyway.

 

 

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