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spygirl

Fucking Networking Events

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Had my arm twisted to go to one of these. Again.

Fucking dire.

2 hours not drinking much because I have to drive, eating the few veg canapes - No, I dont eat fucking prawns.

Listening to endless drivel from crap small town lawyers, photocopier suppliers, stationary suppliers, some loons who have set themselves up as life coaches, fitness trainers, whatever.

The only bit Ive ever enjoyed is when you get the loon who's spent his redundancy of a 'magic additive that you put in your tank and get 80 mpg'

'Hello Jack. Do you have any of your redundo left? Ifso I have some magic beans....'

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I have to attend a lot of industry conferences, hate the "networking opportunities" at lunch and the end. I grab lunch and get on my phone, studiously ignoring everyone and bugger off as soon as it's finished. A glass of warm white wine and some beige finger food is not going to persuade me to chat to a bunch of cockwombles.

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I went to one of these earlier this year. It was hosted by a local newspaper basically trying to flog hugely overpriced advertising space masquerading as a 'networking' event.

It was wank, I won a bottle of champagne on the raffle, pocketed that and fucked off.

'Networking' is such a twattish term anyway. It's a tossers way of saying 'I'm having a chat'.

Edited by Sgt Hartman

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Feck you miserable gits I love networking now I'm dealing with more foreign customers. 

Paris last week, Amsterdam next, Monaco coming up soon. Claim all food and drinks on expenses, get to choose who to take out to dinner so try to stay in touch with the more entertaining ones. 

Even when I was doing mostly UK stuff, which I have until recently, there are still enough people around who I enjoy having a few pints with and apparently it counts as "working".

 

Edit: I wouldn't go near those breakfast club meetings by the BNP or whoever it is. Complete waste of time for me anyway.

Edited by blobloblob

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I did used to like networking. As I age not so much.  Last year I had to go to Stockholm for a couple of days.  On one level nice.  A good hotel, all expenses, picked up and dropped off at the airport. 

But, I like my home comforts and just cannot be bothered. 

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1 hour ago, spygirl said:

Had my arm twisted to go to one of these. Again.

Fucking dire.

2 hours not drinking much because I have to drive, eating the few veg canapes - No, I dont eat fucking prawns.

Listening to endless drivel from crap small town lawyers, photocopier suppliers, stationary suppliers, some loons who have set themselves up as life coaches, fitness trainers, whatever.

The only bit Ive ever enjoyed is when you get the loon who's spent his redundancy of a 'magic additive that you put in your tank and get 80 mpg'

'Hello Jack. Do you have any of your redundo left? Ifso I have some magic beans....'

I'd have thought if you look anything like your profile pic you'd be surrounded by guys like flys round a sh@t?

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Just now, Nosler said:

I'd have thought if you look anything like your profile pic you'd be surrounded by guys like flys round a sh@t?

That was the photo I passed to my gender realignment surgeon - Dr Nick.

 

 

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Just now, spygirl said:

That was the photo I passed to my gender realignment surgeon - Dr Nick.

 

 

Yeauch! You are/ were a guy?

i knocked one out looking at your pic. I feel dirty now.

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1 minute ago, Nosler said:

Yeauch! You are/ were a guy?

i knocked one out looking at your pic. I feel dirty now.

See XYY - be carefully dressing myself in a burqua, I can fool everyone! Just like John Simpson from the telly.

I used a alternative name when I came over to the otherside. The joke is wearing a bit thin as I get so many dick pics from JoeD.

 

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2 minutes ago, spygirl said:

See XYY - be carefully dressing myself in a burqua, I can fool everyone! Just like John Simpson from the telly.

I used a alternative name when I came over to the otherside. The joke is wearing a bit thin as I get so many dick pics from JoeD.

 

And so undercover no one knew. B|

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3 minutes ago, One percent said:

And so undercover no one knew. B|

I know.

Ive had everyone fooled with my silicon fillets and girlish laugh.

I might get bored and ask the NHS to stitch it back on.

 

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4 minutes ago, Flirtygirty said:

And I thought this was going to be about Cisco switches

Nerd!

Consider your virtual head shoved down the virtual toilet. And the virtual chain pulled. Virtually.

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2 minutes ago, spygirl said:

I know.

Ive had everyone fooled with my silicon fillets and girlish laugh.

I might get bored and ask the NHS to stitch it back on.

 

No.  It's the contributions to the mumsnet type threads that have everyone fooled. xD

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I don't think I've ever heard of these (or not popular enough to be invited perhaps).

What is the purpose,  just to make new friends?  I've enough ta muchly.  

The closest I've come to this is the dinner / drinks after a conference or exhibition where people have awkward conversations trying to avoid talking shop but also trying not to let their professional guard down..  which usually results in dull conversation and everybody wishing they were just back at their hotel watching TV in their Jim-jams.

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2 minutes ago, MrPin said:

Networking is about sitting next to some arsehole ball bearing salesman on a plane!

On my trip back from Stockholm mentioned above, I managed to get a seat next to a Swedish bloke in an Armani jacket.  Trying to strike up a conversation about the referendum. One minute into my response he decided not to carry on the conversation.

i guess I misinterpreted his request for a free and open debate on the issues.   :ph34r:xD

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14 minutes ago, spygirl said:

Nerd!

Consider your virtual head shoved down the virtual toilet. And the virtual chain pulled. Virtually.

I hate virtualization.

Anyway the point of networking events is to blag as much free stuff as possible.

They should be regarded as looting opportunities.

Just regard the other attendees as competitors for any food, drink or freebies going.

Once upon a time ligging was an art form .

Good to see some of the young still practising it

http://thetab.com/uk/bristol/2015/10/25/i-went-networking-just-free-shit-20055

Edited by Flirtygirty

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2 minutes ago, Libspero said:

I don't think I've ever heard of these (or not popular enough to be invited perhaps).

What is the purpose,  just to make new friends?  I've enough ta muchly.  

The closest I've come to this is the dinner / drinks after a conference or exhibition where people have awkward conversations trying to avoid talking shop but also trying not to let their professional guard down..  which usually results in dull conversation and everybody wishing they were just back at their hotel watching TV in their Jim-jams.

A conference is the epitome of a works networking event imho 

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Just now, MrPin said:

Networking is about sitting next to some arsehole ball bearing salesman on a plane!

Those are conventions Pinny.

Networking is where you go to a local event, staffed by what are pitched as the up coming business people, only to find its full full of down and outing sales people for photocopiers.

You get some sad, middle aged partner from the local law firm/accoutnants who gets 'into it' by taking his tie off and unbuttoning shirt button

years ago, I was invited to one to talk about our expericen of being dealing with a proper venture capital firm and being sold to a very large compant.

Its dull I told our ex-accountant.Look, he said, the last couple have had speakers talking about the saving on the ltest photocopier and the new tax allowances. Theyll love it.

OK, Ill do an entertaining 30 minute overview of what we went thru.

great. he said. Ill tell everyone.

Apparently it was the fullest it has ever been. sales people from within 200 miles expecting rich people to sell to.

We turned up., straight from work at 7pm. The hosting hotel's receptionist would not let me in as I was wearing bagging shorts - This is a serious business networking event, I was told. We went down down the pub.

 

3 minutes ago, Flirtygirty said:

I hate virtualization.

Anyway the point of networking events is to blag as much free stuff as possible. They should be regarded as looting opportunities.

Im sure you wow them down the pubs in your free 'Extra Corp - the brand of future !!!' t-shirts.

There's a limit to free t-shirts, cup coasters and lanyards. The limit is 1.

 

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The ones I get the chance to attend feature the obligatory Forever Living Salesperson and a member of Utility Warehouse. I'm buggered if I'm going to pay £12 for a sit down breakfast to listen to that. 

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8 minutes ago, spygirl said:

Those are conventions Pinny.

I am sure you wow them down the pubs in your free 'Extra Corp - the brand of future !!!' t-shirts.

There's a limit to free t-shirts, cup coasters and lanyards. The limit is 1.

 

I would not do anything so common as to go down the pub and certainly not with you.

 

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