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whitevanman

Deluded Old Scrapper Birds On Dating Sites

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1 hour ago, ElKapitan84 said:

I wonder how common this is.

And if the kid is his.

From what Joe has said, she got broody when a mate of hers got pregnant. So she started fucking him a few months before she got knocked up.

Some guys fare poorly without a woman to lead them. A guy I know was living in a 1 bed council high rise. On the dole, mattress on the bedroom floor and bugger all furniture. In and out of jail for motoring offenses.

Then he met his hard headed woman. Within months, she had moved in and furnished the place with multiple trips to Ikea. Bought on tick.

Before he knew it, he had a wife, a baby and a mortgage. Plus other debts. He had to earn a goodly amount of dosh just to stand still. 

Now he is retired, living in a very nice paid for house with a large garage and still married to her.

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Posted (edited)

I don't believe for a second that she's ever cheated on him, or that the baby is anyone but his.

I know that sounds naive but if you knew them you'd probably agree.

As @jm51 has said, some men, perhaps more than we realize, would just self destruct without a relationship and the role of a provider to drive them. My friend has become an absolute workaholic the last few years, obsessed with earning more despite the fact that he has no hobbies as such; he never spends any money on himself. But he's in the process of moving to a much bigger more expensive house, and in 20 or 30 years time will be far wealthier and have a higher quality of life than me cause he loves to work. It's gotten to the point where I don't even think he likes having free time, doesn't know what to do with himself. Which I don't think is healthy but there ya go.

There's also the fact that being married with a kid does give a man a certain level of social status. You can slap a photo of your family on all your social media pages and it just looks more .... 'normal' once you reach a certain age. The rest of the world just sees a man with a pretty (nor not so pretty) wife and a kid and assumes a certain level of success or at least that he's 'normal', they don't know that she nags constantly and doesn't want to have sex with you. And most men are aware of how difficult it is to meet someone new if you do find yourself single after a certain age.

There's still a stigma around being single after a certain age. I remember we used to live next door from quite a quiet introverted single bloke in his 40's and my parents used to mock him behind his back that he was some sort of weirdo. Which was a bloody cheek given the absolute fucking car crash that their relationship has been; they're in no position to criticize someone for being single. And ironically, 20 years on, I can relate to that bloke more than ever. But the attitude still prevails..... shitty relationship > singledom

There's also the fact that say you live to be 80, after a certain point unless you have the most thrilling career and social circle imaginable that most blokes would probably be happier with a family around them. I mean what else are you gonna do with the last 4 or 5 decades of your life.

 

Edited by JoeDavola

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2 hours ago, Frank Hovis said:

Yes.  In his position I would be very suspicious.

No apparent interest in sex at that age, ?early thirties, suggests no interest in sex with him.  Gets pregnant elsewhere, wants to keep it, turns into a raving nymphomaniac for a month or so with her husband before advising him what she already knew: child on the way.

I would be having a discreet look at how the baby looks compared to him.

As a by the way when childbirth and rearing were of more interest to the extended family when a child was born the women would come out with comments like "He's got his father's nose" to quash any doubts in the father's mind of parentage so as not to have the cuckolded husband realise and rock the happy family boat.

Legally it seems the mother can deny a paternity test in the UK.  Of course he could do his own without her on the kid, but I think that's still illegal.  If a man is paying money towards a child's needs, he should be allowed to test.  The fact that this is even a thing might suggest how common illegitimate children are.  It was law in 2004 apparently, the problem has hardly improved since then.

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16 minutes ago, JoeDavola said:

I don't believe for a second that she's ever cheated on him, or that the baby is anyone but his.

I know that sounds naive but if you knew them you'd probably agree.

As @jm51 has said, some men, perhaps more than we realize, would just self destruct without a relationship and the role of a provider to drive them. My friend has become an absolute workaholic the last few years, obsessed with earning more despite the fact that he has no hobbies as such; he never spends any money on himself. But he's in the process of moving to a much bigger more expensive house, and in 20 or 30 years time will be far wealthier and have a higher quality of life than me cause he loves to work. It's gotten to the point where I don't even think he likes having free time, doesn't know what to do with himself. Which I don't think is healthy but there ya go.

There's also the fact that being married with a kid does give a man a certain level of social status. You can slap a photo of your family on all your social media pages and it just looks more .... 'normal' once you reach a certain age. The rest of the world just sees a man with a pretty (nor not so pretty) wife and a kid and assumes a certain level of success or at least that he's 'normal', they don't know that she nags constantly and doesn't want to have sex with you. And most men are aware of how difficult it is to meet someone new if you do find yourself single after a certain age.

There's still a stigma around being single after a certain age. I remember we used to live next door from quite a quiet introverted single bloke in his 40's and my parents used to mock him behind his back that he was some sort of weirdo. Which was a bloody cheek given the absolute fucking car crash that their relationship has been; they're in no position to criticize someone for being single. And ironically, 20 years on, I can relate to that bloke more than ever. But the attitude still prevails..... shitty relationship > singledom

There's also the fact that say you live to be 80, after a certain point unless you have the most thrilling career and social circle imaginable that most blokes would probably be happier with a family around them. I mean what else are you gonna do with the last 4 or 5 decades of your life.

 

I agree that life is better if you have a decent partner, the problems come when you get a partner who's not decent and stay with them anyway. 

I actually think material things matter less the older you get, as everything gets put in perspective and health is a bigger differentiator as we get older - I'd rather be in good health and on the dole than a millionaire in constant pain. Your mate will probably be lost in 30 years' time when he retires, he won't know what to do with himself. If I can stay healthy I'd hope to never retire, although it would be great to get to a position where you're comfortably enough off that you can work doing things you enjoy, rather than for money.

Having family around when you're older would again be great if it's a decent partner, but people often say you should have kids so that they can look after you when they're old, I can't think of anything worse -  the point of having kids is to teach them to be independent then let them get on with their own lives, you wouldn't want to be dragging them down as you slowly sink into senility.

 

 

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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, JoeDavola said:

But the attitude still prevails..... shitty relationship > singledom

A lot of people still think there's a stigma attached to getting divorced. 

My boss isn't in a happy relationship but says "we don't give up like younger people do". I'm pretty sure they would be happier apart but it's like your folks- totally off the table. 

Edited by UnconventionalWisdom

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4 hours ago, jm51 said:

From what Joe has said, she got broody when a mate of hers got pregnant. So she started fucking him a few months before she got knocked up.

Some guys fare poorly without a woman to lead them. A guy I know was living in a 1 bed council high rise. On the dole, mattress on the bedroom floor and bugger all furniture. In and out of jail for motoring offenses.

Then he met his hard headed woman. Within months, she had moved in and furnished the place with multiple trips to Ikea. Bought on tick.

Before he knew it, he had a wife, a baby and a mortgage. Plus other debts. He had to earn a goodly amount of dosh just to stand still. 

Now he is retired, living in a very nice paid for house with a large garage and still married to her.

Good to hear. As much as i moan about relationships, it's more that i feel most (mainly men) reducd their quality of life for their partner- I've done the same previously and it was only after tge relationship that i thought, "why didn't i focus more on what i wanted?". 

Finding someone that brings out the best in you is certainly the goal. If one doesn't rush into a relationship in order to not be single, they should have more time to find someone that can contribute significantly. Problem is that most people panic and stay put with someone that kinda works.

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4 minutes ago, UnconventionalWisdom said:

Finding someone that brings out the best in you is certainly the goal. If one doesn't rush into a relationship in order to not be single, they should have more time to find someone that can contribute significantly. Problem is that most people panic and stay put with someone that kinda works.

People seem to think they have a "best before" date. Not true, just relax and be yourself, someone will come along.

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12 hours ago, ElKapitan84 said:

Legally it seems the mother can deny a paternity test in the UK.  Of course he could do his own without her on the kid, but I think that's still illegal.  If a man is paying money towards a child's needs, he should be allowed to test.  The fact that this is even a thing might suggest how common illegitimate children are.  It was law in 2004 apparently, the problem has hardly improved since then.

A way to find out might be ancestory dna 

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Just now, stokiescum said:

A way to find out might be ancestory dna 

You can just do it without involving mum, lots of businesses selling DNA tests online (though be careful to choose a reliable one, it's possible to use the same companies the courts use), just need a swab of the kids saliva, and your own, no need to involve mum. 

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22 minutes ago, AlfredTheLittle said:

You can just do it without involving mum, lots of businesses selling DNA tests online (though be careful to choose a reliable one, it's possible to use the same companies the courts use), just need a swab of the kids saliva, and your own, no need to involve mum. 

Agree 

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Posted (edited)
17 minutes ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

How many times have you done this? :D

Only 5 lol.i try avoid fucking those under 45 now .the x is 33 she can occasionally tempt me but I’m going to get fucked up on her sofa it’s cheaper a safer and I’m watching Godzilla king of monsters ps she has even bought me a zooamorphic designed tankard has I don’t like drinking around kids with glass ps it’s 8 if you count others I’ve brought up or still am in a fashion 

781AA3A6-6FDD-4515-A93C-1BAD02BA5B61.jpeg

Edited by stokiescum

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14 hours ago, ElKapitan84 said:

Legally it seems the mother can deny a paternity test in the UK.  Of course he could do his own without her on the kid, but I think that's still illegal.  If a man is paying money towards a child's needs, he should be allowed to test.  The fact that this is even a thing might suggest how common illegitimate children are.  It was law in 2004 apparently, the problem has hardly improved since then.

This is my favourite example to give to feminists to counter the idea that the UK is a patriarchy.  In what sort of patriarchy would men be prevented from finding out whether or not a child is theirs?

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On 24/07/2020 at 18:13, JoeDavola said:

I answered this a while ago but I think it's a mixture of having bonded with that person for better for worse, and a kind of sunk cost fallacy.

I still think he's probably better for having married her, despite my original opinion that he shouldn't have; I think many men would rather be in a less than ideal relationship than have the existencial angst of long term singledom.

And they do have a kid now which has helped.

If more men could afford to live on their own then quite simply they would. While I agree that it's better for many lower self worth folk to ebb along in a bad relationship, ultimately financial considerations trump everything else. A bachelor pad in the SE is financially out of reach for 90% of men.

It's either go back to living with your mum again or keep living with frumpy.

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On 24/07/2020 at 12:47, ElKapitan84 said:

She is, or at least was, a smoker.  It destroys collagen and promotes skin thinning.  I'd say this woman is also familiar with alcohol.  All of the teetotal people I know have aged very well.  Including myself actually.

Yes, I’ve definitely seen her smoking.  I noticed in the article she subtly implies not in a way that simultaneously derides smokers and drinkers and thought hang on a minute.

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2 hours ago, spunko said:

If more men could afford to live on their own then quite simply they would. While I agree that it's better for many lower self worth folk to ebb along in a bad relationship, ultimately financial considerations trump everything else. A bachelor pad in the SE is financially out of reach for 90% of men.

It's either go back to living with your mum again or keep living with frumpy.

I think more men would live part time with someone, but ideally have a space for both parties to retreat to.

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7 hours ago, wherebee said:

I think more men would live part time with someone, but ideally have a space for both parties to retreat to.

That's the way it tends to work with the lower orders.  

They're not living with their SO, they are staying with a friend. Could be for a few days at a time, could be a lot longer. Unlikely to become one couple, one dwelling. Too much hassle when it goes pear shaped. So 2 lots of HB paid.

 

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