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The Grey Man

"The Forever house"

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Left home at the age of 18. Of course I went back to my late parents house but only for a few weeks max at a time.

By 24 that had ended to. I rented their after..wherever I happened to be.

I chose to get a house 3 years ago. Could have done before. I didnt. Mortgage but minimal and will kill this in the next 5 years.

Got a larger, older house in the suburbs. Its fine. 116 years old. We like it. The kids like it.

It was a cheaper neighbourhood.  We wanted the bigger house. Schooling. Well I am not convinced my postcodes. Your attitude and parents count for a lot.

We still dont feel settled.The kids yes. 

I think I have spent so much of my life renting and moving that a house is where I stay and sleep.

I dont think we will ever be settled. I dont imagine we will "finish" the house either. We maintain it. But above and beyond that? Nah.

I dont think I could ever love a stack of bricks. I feel, sometimes, as though I have missed out but not sure if this just me thinking that is what is expected. On the whole though content.

I guess I just wonder how others have that..forever house feeling. I just dont have it. Its just a thing.

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A house is somewhere to live however I’d prob get very pissed off if I rented mine out a some trashed it .it could be worse geting married and they legally make off with it like a bandit 

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Posted (edited)

Here stokie, was it you that mentioned the film "Rush" the other day...?

Watched it last night - fucking excellent...! Cheers if it was you that was on about it, or to the other DOSBODS poster if it wasn't you.

After it finished, I started to think of all the sick jokes that went around about Lauda's crash at the time. Obviously it would be wrong of me to repeat any of them on here...

 

Q. What looks like a porky scratching, and travels at 200 miles an hour...?

A. Niki Lauda's left ear...

 

XYY

@stokiescum

Edited by The XYY Man

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I've recently been relocating jobs and flats every two years - long enough not to look shit on the CV. Plus it can usually take that time to fully know a place (ie all the pubs) and get bored of a job (ie become disliked by the boss). 

It's been two years in the north east... Where next. 

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5 hours ago, The Grey Man said:

Left home at the age of 18. Of course I went back to my late parents house but only for a few weeks max at a time.

By 24 that had ended to. I rented their after..wherever I happened to be.

I chose to get a house 3 years ago. Could have done before. I didnt. Mortgage but minimal and will kill this in the next 5 years.

Got a larger, older house in the suburbs. Its fine. 116 years old. We like it. The kids like it.

It was a cheaper neighbourhood.  We wanted the bigger house. Schooling. Well I am not convinced my postcodes. Your attitude and parents count for a lot.

We still dont feel settled.The kids yes. 

I think I have spent so much of my life renting and moving that a house is where I stay and sleep.

I dont think we will ever be settled. I dont imagine we will "finish" the house either. We maintain it. But above and beyond that? Nah.

I dont think I could ever love a stack of bricks. I feel, sometimes, as though I have missed out but not sure if this just me thinking that is what is expected. On the whole though content.

I guess I just wonder how others have that..forever house feeling. I just dont have it. Its just a thing.

This is the situation we find ourselves in, we live in a modest house with little scope for, economically sensible, improvement. It is however a very small mortgage, comfortable and requires little maintenance.

We could extend but would lose access to the garden and a lot of the drive which would leave us with a larger, and more valuable, but less saleable house.

 

We've looked at moving but any step up would be an overpriced newish build or an older house which will require work that would take years to complete on available funds.

Dilema.

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5 hours ago, The Grey Man said:

I chose to get a house 3 years ago. Could have done before. I didnt. Mortgage but minimal and will kill this in the next 5 years.

Got a larger, older house in the suburbs. Its fine. 116 years old. We like it. The kids like it.

It was a cheaper neighbourhood.  We wanted the bigger house. Schooling. Well I am not convinced my postcodes. Your attitude and parents count for a lot.

That summarises why you don't think of it as your forever house.

You have compromised on location, bought cheaply to avoid a bigger mortgage, and bought bigger than you might want because your children are still at home.

I would suggest that your next home will be your "forever" home; maybe purchased upon retirement.

It is likely to be smaller, easier to maintain, and located for leisure and social reasons rather than work and schools.

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Whilst I understand the idea of wanting to feel settled, I'd say that not having the forever home feeling is advantageous in a lot of ways. People who are emotionally attached to their home struggle to leave it if need be, refuse to accept less than the gazillion pounds they think it's worth when they put it on the market, get hideously offended at any perceived sleight, and spend their entuire fucking lives banging on about it at dinner parties.

Attachment is generally a worse condition than detachment IMO.

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Just now, Fully Detached said:

Attachment is generally a worse condition than detachment IMO.

Amusing, considering your name. Go to where the seas are blue and calm.

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6 minutes ago, Fully Detached said:

Whilst I understand the idea of wanting to feel settled, I'd say that not having the forever home feeling is advantageous in a lot of ways. People who are emotionally attached to their home struggle to leave it if need be, refuse to accept less than the gazillion pounds they think it's worth when they put it on the market, get hideously offended at any perceived sleight, and spend their entuire fucking lives banging on about it at dinner parties.

Attachment is generally a worse condition than detachment IMO.

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I don't think I'll ever consider a place home. It's just somewhere to live while I do stuff.

Rented since leaving home for uni at 18. Now 33 years ago. Never been home since 18 for more than a week at a time. For the first 5 years I lived on a farm where i worked in weekends in lieu of some of the rent. Then I rented for  7 years as I moved house or country around every 6 months. All that time I had no more posessions than would fit in two suitcases; I could still move house with just a Luton van, however with space left in side.

I've always sought to spend the minimum on rent. So properties have always been basic.

Because I was itinerant for 7 years I didn't care about location or quality. For 6 months I once lived in a house that was a shell with many of the floorboords missing. Another time I rented from a mercenary that after each trip to some country to kill someone would come back and on the first night smash everything in the place in a rampage to de-stress and not fix it up for weeks. Lots of interesting experiences.

I grew up in an owned home and so that was the model of living I knew. So once I stopped moving I thought the next step wold be buying. But I found I was priced out, or rather it made more economic sence to rent. 

So I focused on location and as cheap as possible. I landed on my feet - right place, right day to buy the local newspaper. I've now rented the same property for 25 years. It wouldn't suit everybody. Small, unheated, damp without a dehunidifier. But location to die for, for me at least.

I still don't care about the property, it's just somewhere to live.  For example, 25% of the tiles in the bathroom are piled in the corner. They fell off the wall in a 'sheet' 8 years ago. Landlord was going to put them back but hasn't got around to it yet and I can't be bothered as "what's the real point ?" I only spend about 20 minutes in the room each day.

I've got friends with 'lovely houses" and yes I can see that they are nice. Nicely decorated, beautiful kitchens etc. Lovely to look at. A bit like going to a museum. But I've never sat in any place I've lived and 'looked at it'. Similarly, I can't understand people that consider what the outside of a house looks like if they are buying it - You never look at the outside, you only ever look out through the windows. The most important thing for me would be how private is the garden and how much sunlight does it get.

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26 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

That summarises why you don't think of it as your forever house.

You have compromised on location, bought cheaply to avoid a bigger mortgage, and bought bigger than you might want because your children are still at home.

I would suggest that your next home will be your "forever" home; maybe purchased upon retirement.

It is likely to be smaller, easier to maintain, and located for leisure and social reasons rather than work and schools.

Very succinct Frank. I wish my wife was that straight thinking! 

Btw. Got me thinking about my own house - we moved for schools but maybe it's time to move on.

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4 hours ago, sarahbell said:

 

We?

Or thee?

Or she?

Me and wife. Kids have moved houses several times with us. They seem to adapt and call it home.

Me and wife just see it as another place where we live.

 I guess kids need and want security and find our view slightly odd!

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5 minutes ago, The Grey Man said:

Me and wife. Kids have moved houses several times with us. They seem to adapt and call it home.

Me and wife just see it as another place where we live.

 I guess kids need and want security and find our view slightly odd!

No mate.

They just want you stop painting every single room fucking grey...

;)

 

XYY

 

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Next house (after we have temporarily rented) is likely to be a significant commitment. Maybe not a forever house but one we may anticipate living in well into our retirement, maybe for at least 20 years or so. I suspect it will be difficult to find the right property.

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8 hours ago, Hopeful said:

I don't think I'll ever consider a place home. It's just somewhere to live while I do stuff.

Rented since leaving home for uni at 18. Now 33 years ago. Never been home since 18 for more than a week at a time. For the first 5 years I lived on a farm where i worked in weekends in lieu of some of the rent. Then I rented for  7 years as I moved house or country around every 6 months. All that time I had no more posessions than would fit in two suitcases; I could still move house with just a Luton van, however with space left in side.

I've always sought to spend the minimum on rent. So properties have always been basic.

Because I was itinerant for 7 years I didn't care about location or quality. For 6 months I once lived in a house that was a shell with many of the floorboords missing. Another time I rented from a mercenary that after each trip to some country to kill someone would come back and on the first night smash everything in the place in a rampage to de-stress and not fix it up for weeks. Lots of interesting experiences.

I grew up in an owned home and so that was the model of living I knew. So once I stopped moving I thought the next step wold be buying. But I found I was priced out, or rather it made more economic sence to rent. 

So I focused on location and as cheap as possible. I landed on my feet - right place, right day to buy the local newspaper. I've now rented the same property for 25 years. It wouldn't suit everybody. Small, unheated, damp without a dehunidifier. But location to die for, for me at least.

I still don't care about the property, it's just somewhere to live.  For example, 25% of the tiles in the bathroom are piled in the corner. They fell off the wall in a 'sheet' 8 years ago. Landlord was going to put them back but hasn't got around to it yet and I can't be bothered as "what's the real point ?" I only spend about 20 minutes in the room each day.

I've got friends with 'lovely houses" and yes I can see that they are nice. Nicely decorated, beautiful kitchens etc. Lovely to look at. A bit like going to a museum. But I've never sat in any place I've lived and 'looked at it'. Similarly, I can't understand people that consider what the outside of a house looks like if they are buying it - You never look at the outside, you only ever look out through the windows. The most important thing for me would be how private is the garden and how much sunlight does it get.

I used to think like that. I lived in a bog standard semi with the previous owners worn and dirty carpets, with a third or fourth hand hand me down three piece suite. The heating system (at least it had one 😀) was crap and the bathroom still had its original avocado green suite.

I refused to spend a penny on anything nice (doing up or furniture) as I considered it a waste of money and regarded the house as just a place to crash and get my post delivered.

I drank beer from the can and if I had a tot of whisky in the evening, I’d as like put it in a teacup as a glass.

But gradually that squalor seeped into my soul, bit by bit, almost imperceptibly and I’m sure contributed to the generally unhappy time I spent there. I wouldn’t say I was depressed but I had moved to another town for work and was getting over a relationship breakup which was quite painful, so it’s not a time of my life which I look back on with nostalgia.
 

Now years later, I’m in a different place both geographically and mentally and I believe that things which you own are worth it, if they bring you pleasure. I have an expensive olive wood breadboard and I appreciate it and enjoy it every time I cut a slice off a loaf.

I drink my beer out of beer glasses which have a pleasing form and it tastes all the better for it and if I still drank it, I would enjoy whisky from cut glass lead crystal. All these little touches please me and reassure me that life is the way it should be. I’m not saying that this approach would work for everyone, and I get that you are very much an outdoors type, but I’m convinced that it all contributes to my well being.

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3 minutes ago, Mirror Mirror said:

I used to think like that. I lived in a bog standard semi with the previous owners worn and dirty carpets, with a third or fourth hand hand me down three piece suite. The heating system (at least it had one 😀) was crap and the bathroom still had its original avocado green suite.

I refused to spend a penny on anything nice (doing up or furniture) as I considered it a waste of money and regarded the house as just a place to crash and get my post delivered.

I drank beer from the can and if I had a tot of whisky in the evening, I’d as like put it in a teacup as a glass.

But gradually that squalor seeped into my soul, bit by bit, almost imperceptibly and I’m sure contributed to the generally unhappy time I spent there. I wouldn’t say I was depressed but I had moved to another town for work and was getting over a relationship breakup which was quite painful, so it’s not a time of my life which I look back on with nostalgia.
 

Now years later, I’m in a different place both geographically and mentally and I believe that things which you own are worth it, if they bring you pleasure. I have an expensive olive wood breadboard and I appreciate it and enjoy it every time I cut a slice off a loaf.

I drink my beer out of beer glasses which have a pleasing form and it tastes all the better for it and if I still drank it, I would enjoy whisky from cut glass lead crystal. All these little touches please me and reassure me that life is the way it should be. I’m not saying that this approach would work for everyone, and I get that you are very much an outdoors type, but I’m convinced that it all contributes to my well being.

Horses for courses :-)

The house location makes up for it all. Partly why I rent a primitive house because I could never afford to rent or buy most houses in the type of location I'd want. I'm incredibly lucky to have found it. You can't have it all, so compromises have to be made.

I see the house as a place to work from and live from rather than live in. Like most traditional farmhouses in fact. I've always seen houses that way. The carpets throughout the house are 30 years old and a bit threadbare (Torn if I'm honest). Mud and muck don't matter. Don't get me wrong, the house is clean (enough). Landlord said I could replace them at my expense. But I could leave tomorrow......

Interestingly, I don't compromise on anything to do with work (also my hobby), food preparation/cooking or tools. Only the very best equipment for both. The only caveat is that if I can't afford the best equipment I won't make do with less and so go without. Less would be annoying. Always buy secondhand if I can.

 

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Yes I do agree, and I get the bit about tools and cooking gear (also tools) completely.

The location thing is important too. Where I live now is nice, but sadly I think we’re going to have to move because the location isn’t quite right, not quiet enough and not enough warm sunny days.

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