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Chewing Grass

Fart throwing and other disgusting tricks

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When I was an apprentice on the shop floor in the 1980s one of my fellow apprentii had the amazingly disgusting habit of farting into his hand and carrying it around for a period of time so he could throw it into a victims face.

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26 minutes ago, Chewing Grass said:

When I was an apprentice on the shop floor in the 1980s one of my fellow apprentii had the amazingly disgusting habit of farting into his hand and carrying it around for a period of time so he could throw it into a victims face.

I always knew this as 'the cupcake'.

One guy in Australia who I vaguely knew as a mildly repugnant sort of bastard had an interesting trick. On the first urges of a large guff, he'd assemble an audience then, once prepared, moisten two fingers before stuffing them up his arse and blowing a very loud and impressive wolf-whistle.

I never had the stomach to ask how he'd worked out that he had this particular talent.

 

 

 

 

Edited by Sgt Hartman

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11 minutes ago, Sgt Hartman said:

I always knew this as 'the cupcake'.

One guy in Australia who I vaguely knew as a mildly repugnant sort of bastard had an interesting trick. On the first urges of a large guff, he'd assemble an audience then, once prepared, moisten two fingers before stuffing them up his arse and blowing a very loud and impressive wolf-whistle.

I never had the stomach to ask how he'd worked out that he had this particular talent.

xD

I don't know about tricks but one punishment for missing team beer nights at college was for people to piss in pint glasses and then pour it over papers so it ran under your door.  Nice.

I went along with it once to fit in but after that just left people to it as I wasn't joining in.

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50 minutes ago, Sgt Hartman said:

I always knew this as 'the cupcake'.

One guy in Australia who I vaguely knew as a mildly repugnant sort of bastard had an interesting trick. On the first urges of a large guff, he'd assemble an audience then, once prepared, moisten two fingers before stuffing them up his arse and blowing a very loud and impressive wolf-whistle.

I never had the stomach to ask how he'd worked out that he had this particular talent.

 

Hmm, it would take more than a bit of spit to enable me to get two fingers up my arse, judging by the last time a doctor tried. I suspect he had other repugnant habits.....

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1 hour ago, Sgt Hartman said:

I always knew this as 'the cupcake'.

One guy in Australia who I vaguely knew as a mildly repugnant sort of bastard had an interesting trick. On the first urges of a large guff, he'd assemble an audience then, once prepared, moisten two fingers before stuffing them up his arse and blowing a very loud and impressive wolf-whistle.

I never had the stomach to ask how he'd worked out that he had this particular talent.

 

 

 

 

To be honest, even moistened, I think I might struggle a bit with the self-insertion of two fingers and I've never thought, amongst blokes, I would be a particularly strong competitor in a buttplug tug o' war as the considerable unflushable masses, passed in the other direction, over the years, have often been a source of great pride.

Edited by SNACR

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1 hour ago, Sgt Hartman said:

I always knew this as 'the cupcake'.

One guy in Australia who I vaguely knew as a mildly repugnant sort of bastard had an interesting trick. On the first urges of a large guff, he'd assemble an audience then, once prepared, moisten two fingers before stuffing them up his arse and blowing a very loud and impressive wolf-whistle.

I never had the stomach to ask how he'd worked out that he had this particular talent.

 

 

 

 

Follow through would have been rather embarrassing 🤘💩

Edited by OurDayWillCome

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7 minutes ago, swissy_fit said:

Hmm, it would take more than a bit of spit to enable me to get two fingers up my arse, judging by the last time a doctor tried. I suspect he had other repugnant habits.....

This is a very good reason to request an Asian doctor if you think you have appendicitis.

 

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In childhood rough and tumble it was the fashion for one to pin his adversary down by the shoulders and summon up the thickest phlegm you could, and then let it slowly drool out of your mouth like a long snotty icicle towards them, before quickly sucking it back into your mouth. Repeat as infinitum until either they manage to throw you off or until it inevitably escapes your control and drops into their face. Fun times.

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Monkey-Face.

I heard this one recently - It would take a fair bit of planning and accurate timing but here's how to Monkey-Face.

1) trim your pubic hair with a pair of clippers - store the clippings on the bedside table.
2) at the end of a lovemaking session when you are ready to 'arrive', do this onto the face of your partner, throw your pubes on top and shout "Monkey Face"

Try it and report back here.

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9 minutes ago, Reck B said:

Monkey-Face.

I heard this one recently - It would take a fair bit of planning and accurate timing but here's how to Monkey-Face.

1) trim your pubic hair with a pair of clippers - store the clippings on the bedside table.
2) at the end of a lovemaking session when you are ready to 'arrive', do this onto the face of your partner, throw your pubes on top and shout "Monkey Face"

Try it and report back here.

Similar to the 'Spiderman'.

The trick is to jizz in your hand and then ask innocently of one's partner, "who is Peter Parker?"

When you get the response  "I don't know", quickly and in one fluid, web-slinging motion, fling the contents of your hand in their face while shouting "SPIDERMAN!!".

 

I have never done this.

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22 minutes ago, Sgt Hartman said:

Similar to the 'Spiderman'.

The trick is to jizz in your hand and then ask innocently of one's partner, "who is Peter Parker?"

When you get the response  "I don't know", quickly and in one fluid, web-slinging motion, fling the contents of your hand in their face while shouting "SPIDERMAN!!".

 

I have never done this.

Me neither. I'm not one for romantic gestures like this.

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1 minute ago, Frank Hovis said:

I think these are like Cumberland Steamer and Strawberry Cheesecake in all existing only within the tawdry imagination of one bloke in Northampton with too much time on his hands because he never goes out.

Dunno, seems like a bloke in Cornwall might have invented a new one. I'm presuming it's similar to a Cleveland Steamer but with an added flourish to make it look like a Cumberland ring?

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9 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

I think these are like Cumberland Steamer and Strawberry Cheesecake in all existing only within the tawdry imagination of one bloke in Northampton with too much time on his hands because he never goes out.

????

We demand answers.

 

ETA- Most of the ones I heard about came from my time in Australia. Once you've lived there for a while, you come to understand that these levels of puerile comedy are more than plausible, they are actually pretty standard.

Edited by Sgt Hartman

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15 minutes ago, SNACR said:

Dunno, seems like a bloke in Cornwall might have invented a new one. I'm presuming it's similar to a Cleveland Steamer but with an added flourish to make it look like a Cumberland ring?

I wasn't about to google either to check my memory of them was correct in case an image came up.

Sgt - you will have to brave urban dictionary for that one.

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12 hours ago, SNACR said:

To be honest, even moistened, I think I might struggle a bit with the self-insertion of two fingers and I've never thought, amongst blokes, I would be a particularly strong competitor in a buttplug tug o' war as the considerable unflushable masses, passed in the other direction, over the years, have often been a source of great pride.

Could you talk about Range Rovers for a bit instead?:D

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14 minutes ago, shindigger said:

Could you talk about Range Rovers for a bit instead?:D

Ok, lots of contenders but, here's my favourite model ever produced, top marks for anyone who knows what it is without google assistance. Shows how things got a lot more affluent in the noughties as they struggled to sell many of this edition.

dc1fe135e46feb8c80009652e2085304.jpg

 

Edited by SNACR

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