• Welcome to DOSBODS

    Please consider creating a free account to be able to access all the features of the DOSBODS community. It only takes 20 seconds!

The XYY Man

My ex-wife has died - why am I crying like a bairn...?

Recommended Posts

Me and Debbie.

It was "Brief Encounter" meets fucking "Trainspotting"...!

I remember the first night we met. Blue mini-dress, bright-red lipstick, and black fish-net stockings.

She was dressed-up pretty smartly too...! ;)

Met her the night before Live-Aid - and shagged her 24 hours later, just after Paul McCartney's microphone fucked-up.

Thankfully my equipment functioned perfectly - and she went-on to became the mother of my three kids.

And now, not long after reaching fifty-one, she is dead.

My son found her yesterday morning.

Suddenly I find myself sobbing like a child over a woman I thought I'd gotten over years ago,

Rest in peace Debbie.

All debts are paid-up in full pet...

 

XYY

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You never really stop loving someone. No matter what happens, no matter what people do, there is always a part of that love remaining deep inside our hearts.

I am so sorry for you and your kids.

There is no shame in crying. On the contrary, I think it shows a tremendous amount of good about you as a person that you are doing so.

Let it all out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, The XYY Man said:

Me and Debbie.

It was "Brief Encounter" meets fucking "Trainspotting"...!

I remember the first night we met. Blue mini-dress, bright-red lipstick, and black fish-net stockings.

She was dressed-up pretty smartly too...! ;)

Met her the night before Live-Aid - and shagged her 24 hours later, just after Paul McCartney's microphone fucked-up.

Thankfully my equipment functioned perfectly - and she went-on to became the mother of my three kids.

And now, not long after reaching fifty-one, she is dead.

My son found her yesterday morning.

Suddenly I find myself sobbing like a child over a woman I thought I'd gotten over years ago,

Rest in peace Debbie.

All debts are paid-up in full pet...

 

XYY

Sorry for your loss xyy.  She may not be part of your life anymore but is the mother to your kids and you clearly thought a lot of her at some point. Perfectly natural reaction I would think. Look after the kids (grown up I guess but still your kids) and just be there for them.

all the best with it xyy. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My most wonderful current wife might find it a bit odd - so I have been stifling it.

But it's all coming-out now that I'm sat alone in the man-cave.

Sorry for being a soft bastard - normal service will be resumed as soon as possible,,,!!!

;)

 

XYY

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry for your and your kids' loss. We should indeed mourn those we love and loved. You clearly had some great years together no matter what happened after, so let the memories and good times be remembered through your grief. 

Hopefully I'll feel the same about my ex and mother of my children. And hopefully she goes first too! 😮

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Death is harder to accept when it's a younger person IMO. Fifty one is young.

It's very sad that your son found his mother dead.

I don't think there's anything wrong with men crying it's just normal. In fact I think it's better to cry because it's cathartic IMO.

Glad your crying in private in your man cave though, I'm not a fan of public crying.

Sorry that your kids have lost their Mam Mr XYY. At least you're still around for them though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

XYY,

Losing someone is horrible. It doesn't get better, you just become accustomed to the loss. I'd rather know someone that mourns the death of an ex, than someone who is indifferent to the death of their children's mother.

My condolences to your children and to you.

 I 'm sure CCC will offer to comfort the current Mrs XYY should it be required 

9_9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

“Tears are one of the many ways we release our sadness, one of our many wondrous built-in healing mechanisms. Unfortunately, too often we try to stop this necessary and primal release of our emotions. In grief we often have only two main thoughts about crying. The first is the overwhelming thought of sadness that hits us. The second is, “I must stop crying.” After many people begin to cry they quickly move to stop this natural phenomenon.

We live in a society that views tears as a weakness and a face of stone of strength. Whether you cry or not may have more to do with how you were raised than with the nature of your loss. Some of us were raised with permission to cry and others were not. For some, crying privately may be okay and crying publicly is unacceptable. Whatever you were taught, the loss of a loved one can tip the scales and bring up the tears you never thought you could cry. Tears can often be seen as dramatic, emotional, or a sign of weakness. But, in truth, they are an outward expression of inner pain.

Our perception about crying in public is cultural. In some places, not crying is a sign of dignity, whereas in other cultures, not crying for the deceased is considered a sign of dishonor.

It helped us to view crying not as a sign of weakness but rather as an expression of deep sorrow.”-

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So sorry about this bad news XYY.

As she was so young it must have come as a horrible shock? And shock can make you emotional.  (Apart from you feeling sorry for her and for your children. It's just hard.)

My husband (not normally a crier) couldn't stop himself from bursting into tears at his work place after I had just SMSed him to let him know that my mum had died. (She was in her 80s and I was on my way to the hospital where my brother had been told she wasn't doing well, so not at all unexpected.) He was really embarrassed by the sudden water-works onset which happened when he happened to mention to his boss that I had had to travel back home for a while. (Boss was so surprised by his apparent distress that he sent him home for the rest of the day!)  I think it is just the shock of someone you know well dying? So final and sad? 

Have a good weep. It does you good when it is needed. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, Horrified Onlooker said:

XYY,

Losing someone is horrible. It doesn't get better, you just become accustomed to the loss. I'd rather know someone that mourns the death of an ex, than someone who is indifferent to the death of their children's mother.

My condolences to your children and to you.

 I 'm sure CCC will offer to comfort the current Mrs XYY should it be required 

9_9

:)

Cheers - that last bit made me smile.

I often thought I would light a nice cigar, and open a bottle of the Glenlivet 15 yr-old Special Reserve on hearing of her demise, but that is not the case at all.

It's all a bit weird...

 

XYY

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jesus I'm really sorry to hear that XYY.

As others have no doubt said, your reaction is perfectly natural. She was a big part of your life and the mother of your children, so you'd need to be made of stone not to be in a bit of a state.

I don't think you ever completely 'get over' the few people in your life who it actually takes time to 'get over', if that makes any sense. 

Very sorry for your loss.

To help show my support, you have free reign on turd jokes for the next couple of weeks. Go to fucking town.

Edited by JoeDavola

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, The XYY Man said:

My most wonderful current wife might find it a bit odd - so I have been stifling it.

But it's all coming-out now that I'm sat alone in the man-cave.

Sorry for being a soft bastard - normal service will be resumed as soon as possible,,,!!!

;)

 

XYY

It's the unexpected nature of it that always takes the wind out of you. 

Put Field of Dreams on in case she comes back.

Edit to add: Just a heads up last time someone posted on here, about their cat dying, they had like another four to replace it by the end of the week.

Edit edit: I mean your current wife coming back not your ex as a baseball player.

 

Edited by SNACR

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, The XYY Man said:

Me and Debbie.

It was "Brief Encounter" meets fucking "Trainspotting"...!

I remember the first night we met. Blue mini-dress, bright-red lipstick, and black fish-net stockings.

She was dressed-up pretty smartly too...! ;)

Met her the night before Live-Aid - and shagged her 24 hours later, just after Paul McCartney's microphone fucked-up.

Thankfully my equipment functioned perfectly - and she went-on to became the mother of my three kids.

And now, not long after reaching fifty-one, she is dead.

My son found her yesterday morning.

Suddenly I find myself sobbing like a child over a woman I thought I'd gotten over years ago,

Rest in peace Debbie.

All debts are paid-up in full pet...

 

XYY

She was your wife and mother of your kids and a big part of your life when you were young and full of hope and energy. It would be odd if you felt nothing, cry away. Grief often brings perspective and wisdom IMO.

Given what you've said about her, I doubt if your current wife is stupid, so she will realize and will probably discreetly keep her distance until she senses you've got over the shock a bit.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bloody hell, only 51, that's no age. :( 

Anyway, you loved her once enough to have two kids with her so why on earth wouldn't you be cut up about it? I know I would. Also, it's worth adding that it's not just her that's died, it's a chunk of your past and your children's mum, that would seriously upset most people regardless of the merits of the women herself. 

Don't bottle it up though, Mrs XYY will absolutely understand, that's part of loving someone warts and all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear that, XYY. I've mused about this very scenario wrt. the wife who I am now getting divorced from and who no longer likes me, nor I her. I imagine that I'd also crack up - if only out of sympathy with my kids - but you never really know until it happens. I didn't anticipate blubbing when my mum sang at our wedding. 

Edited by Turned Out Nice Again

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, The XYY Man said:

Me and Debbie.

It was "Brief Encounter" meets fucking "Trainspotting"...!

I remember the first night we met. Blue mini-dress, bright-red lipstick, and black fish-net stockings.

She was dressed-up pretty smartly too...! ;)

Met her the night before Live-Aid - and shagged her 24 hours later, just after Paul McCartney's microphone fucked-up.

Thankfully my equipment functioned perfectly - and she went-on to became the mother of my three kids.

And now, not long after reaching fifty-one, she is dead.

My son found her yesterday morning.

Suddenly I find myself sobbing like a child over a woman I thought I'd gotten over years ago,

Rest in peace Debbie.

All debts are paid-up in full pet...

 

XYY

Very sorry to hear about that sir.  A shock for your kid to find his mum, hope he's OK.

 

3 hours ago, sarahbell said:

because she was part of your life and the mother of your children. You can weep for their loss without shame.

Yes, sad loss.

 

3 hours ago, The Masked Tulip said:

You never really stop loving someone. No matter what happens, no matter what people do, there is always a part of that love remaining deep inside our hearts.

I am so sorry for you and your kids.

There is no shame in crying. On the contrary, I think it shows a tremendous amount of good about you as a person that you are doing so.

Let it all out.

Gotta disagree with this point though. I dislike my ex intensely (I don't hate, hate is so negative and eats away at you) and any feelings I once had for her died a LONG time ago. After the shit I've been put through.  I would raise a glass for her demise quite frankly.

I would feel sorry and sad for my daughter's loss of her mother though. That would be it.

 

Hope you're OK @The XYY Man

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No need to feel strange about blubbing. The world would be a better place if we all let go of the big barrier we face the world with. 

Take good care of yourself and your son over the coming days my friend. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, TheBlueCat said:

Bloody hell, only 51, that's no age. :( 

Anyway, you loved her once enough to have two kids with her so why on earth wouldn't you be cut up about it? I know I would. Also, it's worth adding that it's not just her that's died, it's a chunk of your past and your children's mum, that would seriously upset most people regardless of the merits of the women herself. 

Don't bottle it up though, Mrs XYY will absolutely understand, that's part of loving someone warts and all.

54-55 seems to be the median age at death round my parts.

Im not sure what older brothers were drinking or doing but the reaper whacking loads at the moment, far more than stats would suggest.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, spygirl said:

54-55 seems to be the median age at death round my parts.

Im not sure what older brothers were drinking or doing but the reaper whacking loads at the moment, far more than stats would suggest.

Seems unfairly young even for oop north.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, SNACR said:

Seems unfairly young even for oop north.

Didnt used to be. Last 30 50 years have seen life expectancy go up.

I was catching up in the locsl papers. The number of deaths in the 50s is eye raising. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My condolences, perfectly natural for it to hit you hard regardless of the circumstances, part of your shared experience no matter what happened plus it opens up the reality that we are not immortal which is an emotional heightener just on its own.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear of your loss. Every one has already said more than I can, all I can add is a poem that is how I like to think of those I have known who have died:

Do not weep that I have gone, but rejoice that I have been.
For I have known life to its fullest measure,
I have felt pain and I have known pleasure.
Tears I have cried in grief and in laughter,
I have known love and all that comes after.
I have tasted the salt and bitterness of tears.
I have walked in the rain after the day is done,
Felt the soft summer breeze, the warmth of the sun.
I've sat by the sea and heard the waves pound,
Held the hand that is friendship, its richness abound.
Yes I have known life and I will learn death.
So weep not for me that I have gone,
But rejoice that I have been.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.