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Always the remember that the companies who overtly brag about something are the complete opposite in reality. Investors in People - no chance Thriving in Diversity - bullshit, others are cov

Plus all the burds at Intelmatics are fat, ugly and smell of wee.

Oh fuck. American corporate culture...Our place has just introduced Salesforce into the company. There's a special place in hell waiting for the cunt that allowed that to happen. I was initially invit

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13 minutes ago, JoeDavola said:

Just stumbled across this randomly - maximum cringe and a reminder why I don’t wanna work anywhere that has the US corporate culture.

Tagging @gibbon who I know will cringe extra hard as this is what he chose to escape IIRC.

(I know; I’m a cynic...)

 

 

I bet there is a lot of psychological profiling in that organisation to keep these drones in place.

Allow a few cluster B personality types through as potential management. Not enough to cause disruption to the worker drones who will be lead by the belief they to can be at the top.

Allow a certain percentage for those waking up and realising they wont advance and so leave and need to be replaced.

 

Edited by The Grey Man
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2 minutes ago, Dave Bloke said:

"weee try to create a safe environment where everyone caaan contribute and express their views"

I worked for a team like that, it was a load of passive aggressive soy boy bullies to be honest - they even had the ball thing like in the video to show who could speak. All these things end up turning into the the Lord of the Flies, or worse.

The 30 somethings who love that ball shit are the retards who were raised on this crap.

Follow the bouncing ball.

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Chewing Grass said:

Always the remember that the companies who overtly brag about something are the complete opposite in reality.

Investors in People - no chance

Thriving in Diversity - bullshit, others are covering for the useless

Challenging - only for idiots

Caring - only until you cease to be useful

Honesty - We lie constantly

Fun - If you enjoy the Bataan Death March

Collaboration - Happy to deal with totalitarian regimes if it makes us a buck

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11 minutes ago, Bandit Banzai said:

Oh fuck. American corporate culture...Our place has just introduced Salesforce into the company. There's a special place in hell waiting for the cunt that allowed that to happen. I was initially invited to be part of the group that tried it out. I was invited to, 'sandbox' ideas. WTAF? Try keeping a straight face when one of them says that to your face.

I fucking hate that shit. It's utter bullshit. Everyone knows it. The people that produce it know it's bullshit. Three months later everyone, and I mean everyone across Europe thinks it's bullshit. But we paid a lot of money for it and so we have to get on with it.

Utter, utter bullshit.

And don't get me started on that appraisal/goal setting fucking bullshit.

Just implemented Salesforce into our business that connects to the legacy systems I maintain. Hugely costly and the end result seems to be a less intuitive system with no tangible benefits, whilst still requiring the heavy lifting to be done by legacy systems. Still, screens look shiny and new and its in the cloud so must be better.

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13 minutes ago, Chewing Grass said:

Always the remember that the companies who overtly brag about something are the complete opposite in reality.

Investors in People - no chance

Thriving in Diversity - bullshit, others are covering for the useless

Challenging - only for idiots

Caring - only until you cease to be useful

Overtly green - We've previously been in trouble for poisoning a village (or causing an oil well disaster)

Overtly anti bribery / corruption - We've previously been caught bribing foreign officials

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6 minutes ago, hapax legomenon said:

Just implemented Salesforce into our business that connects to the legacy systems I maintain. Hugely costly and the end result seems to be a less intuitive system with no tangible benefits, whilst still requiring the heavy lifting to be done by legacy systems. Still, screens look shiny and new and its in the cloud so must be better.

It's a great business model. Get a large company to entirely migrate all its systems into salesforce and charge them a monthly fee, per user, to maintain it. Then, when it turns out to be a bag-o-shite, leg-it over the hills and leave you with it. The investment made to go over to SF is huge and the guy that signed off on it doesn't want to admit that it's shit. So now you are left with it. And they have effed off and are nowhere to be seen when you want to make any changes.

I've been at our place for twenty three years and seen lots of ups and downs. But nothing has destroyed morale as much as Salesforce. Everyone hates it.

Edited by Bandit Banzai
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20 minutes ago, Bandit Banzai said:

Oh fuck. American corporate culture...Our place has just introduced Salesforce into the company. There's a special place in hell waiting for the cunt that allowed that to happen. I was initially invited to be part of the group that tried it out. I was invited to, 'sandbox' ideas. WTAF? Try keeping a straight face when one of them says that to your face.

I fucking hate that shit. It's utter bullshit. Everyone knows it. The people that produce it know it's bullshit. Three months later everyone, and I mean everyone across Europe thinks it's bullshit. But we paid a lot of money for it and so we have to get on with it.

Utter, utter bullshit.

And don't get me started on that appraisal/goal setting fucking bullshit.

I got an email today telling me that I'd gone over 75% of the allocated time for some task. I don't even know what the task is!

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1 minute ago, Bandit Banzai said:

It's a great business model. Get a large company to entirely migrate all it's systems into salesforce and charge them a monthly fee, per user, to maintain it. Then, when it turns out to be a bag-o-shite, leg-it over the hills and leave you with it. The investment made to go over to SF is huge and the guy that signed off on it doesn't want to admit that it's shit. So now you are left with it. And they have effed off and are nowhere to be seen when you want to make any changes.

I've been at our place for twenty three years and seen lots of ups and downs. But nothing has destroyed morale as much as Salesforce. Everyone hates it.

Interesting. We have go live on Monday, will be interesting to see how the staff take to it. From what I have seen there is an awful lot of clicking to get anywhere. I wrote web APIs so Salesforce could talk to our systems. Took me a few days to write and has been around 8 weeks for the third party vendor to 'configure' Salesforce to consume the APIs. Get the impression it has been an expensive exercise with no tangible benefits but will be deemed a huge success due to the money spent.

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3 minutes ago, hapax legomenon said:

Just implemented Salesforce into our business that connects to the legacy systems I maintain. Hugely costly and the end result seems to be a less intuitive system with no tangible benefits, whilst still requiring the heavy lifting to be done by legacy systems. Still, screens look shiny and new and its in the cloud so must be better.

We just went the same way as part of our continued move from medium/large company up to full on large corporate.

Salesforce is great as far as corporate CRM software goes (because most of it is awful),  but ultimately it isn't designed to be helpful, or flexible or particularly efficient..  it is designed to provide transparency to senior management (so they can try to read the tealeaves),  create a sales process with watertight checks and balances (only necessary if you don't trust your staff and want senior managers to sign off on everything regardless of whether they have a clue what it's about),  and standardise everything (fine until you want need to do something outside the scope of the original process..  then you're back to quoting in word documents while some IT bod tries to create an exception. Or if you don't have that luxury you just wait and lose the contract/order).

The future is..    process driven.

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5 minutes ago, hapax legomenon said:

Interesting. We have go live on Monday, will be interesting to see how the staff take to it. From what I have seen there is an awful lot of clicking to get anywhere. I wrote web APIs so Salesforce could talk to our systems. Took me a few days to write and has been around 8 weeks for the third party vendor to 'configure' Salesforce to consume the APIs. Get the impression it has been an expensive exercise with no tangible benefits but will be deemed a huge success due to the money spent.

You should SEE some of the graphs my board can produce now that Salesforce has allowed everything to be integrated together. If they showed you one metric per day, I honestly think they could still be going long after everyone has forgotten what Covid is. 

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31 minutes ago, Bandit Banzai said:

Oh fuck. American corporate culture...Our place has just introduced Salesforce into the company. There's a special place in hell waiting for the cunt that allowed that to happen. I was initially invited to be part of the group that tried it out. I was invited to, 'sandbox' ideas. WTAF? Try keeping a straight face when one of them says that to your face.

I fucking hate that shit. It's utter bullshit. Everyone knows it. The people that produce it know it's bullshit. Three months later everyone, and I mean everyone across Europe thinks it's bullshit. But we paid a lot of money for it and so we have to get on with it.

Utter, utter bullshit.

And don't get me started on that appraisal/goal setting fucking bullshit.

Hey. It's not SAP.

Or Oracles version of SAP

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2 minutes ago, Libspero said:

We just went the same way as part of our continued move from medium/large company up to full on large corporate.

Salesforce is great as far as corporate CRM software goes (because most of it is awful),  but ultimately it isn't designed to be helpful, or flexible or particularly efficient..  it is designed to provide transparency to senior management (so they can try to read the tealeaves),  create a sales process with watertight checks and balances (only necessary if you don't trust your staff and want senior managers to sign off on everything regardless of whether they have a clue what it's about),  and standardise everything (fine until you want need to do something outside the scope of the original process..  then you're back to quoting in word documents while some IT bod tries to create an exception. Or if you don't have that luxury you just wait and lose the contract/order).

The future is..    process driven.

The point about CRM is to entrench mediocrity. The way to score big in business is to innovate but as companies grow the managements become risk averse. By implementing the same software as everyone else they are essentially stating that they are happy to be in the middle of the corporate herd or the business bell curve

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7 minutes ago, Libspero said:

We just went the same way as part of our continued move from medium/large company up to full on large corporate.

Salesforce is great as far as corporate CRM software goes (because most of it is awful),  but ultimately it isn't designed to be helpful, or flexible or particularly efficient..  it is designed to provide transparency to senior management (so they can try to read the tealeaves),  create a sales process with watertight checks and balances (only necessary if you don't trust your staff and want senior managers to sign off on everything regardless of whether they have a clue what it's about),  and standardise everything (fine until you want need to do something outside the scope of the original process..  then you're back to quoting in word documents while some IT bod tries to create an exception. Or if you don't have that luxury you just wait and lose the contract/order).

The future is..    process driven.

I think it's true that senior management can see the 'dashboard' and assume it provides an overall picture of where we are. Of course it's bollocks. But it gives them a warm glow and a feeling of 'control' so that's all that matters

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Theres this Man behind the curtain bit with a lot of software sold to the c suite 

It's just another fucking dashboard.

A lot of people have sussed that about GE Digital.

Sales force, despite the expensive, is just that.

Emperors new clothes.

Metrics are very useful to an org. Some are v v important.

However...

Anything involving sales which are nit based on actual sales is going to fuck up rapidly.

But we were hitting all our sales targets ...

Yeah cos you were discounting stuff below cost to get sales.

 

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