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Well as we are banned from life we may as well write this years best selling children's book before that witch Rowling does.

I will start it off, remember it will be aimed at Primary kids and appropriately illustrated in a satirical manner and Boris has a big ego so its probably what he is thinking at the moment.

Introduction.

Boris had always been a naughty elf, so much so his parents had chucked him out at the age of eight from their elf-house in Epping Forest and sent him off to residential Elf-School.

1697460903_Screenshotfrom2020-10-3118-50-30.jpg.42715b1baf91164d14a08e27e66fc0c7.jpg

Naughty stuff than Boris did at Elf-School (think Bullingdon club).

Life as an Urban Elf, naughty mischievious conservative things.

First Elf - prime minister.

Oh shit, coronavirus - what is a poor Elf going to do.

Saving Christmas

Plenty of wild hair illustrations with an Elf Hat on.

boris.jpg.737f94d274aaa0f104b22c8281206b20.jpg

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Chewing Grass said:

Well as we are banned from life we may as well write this years best selling children's book before that witch Rowling does.

I will start it off, remember it will be aimed at Primary kids and appropriately illustrated in a satirical manner and Boris has a big ego so its probably what he is thinking at the moment.

Introduction.

Boris had always been a naughty elf, so much so his parents had chucked him out at the age of eight from their elf-house in Epping Forest and sent him off to residential Elf-School.

1697460903_Screenshotfrom2020-10-3118-50-30.jpg.42715b1baf91164d14a08e27e66fc0c7.jpg

Naughty stuff than Boris did at Elf-School (think Bullingdon club).

Life as an Urban Elf, naughty mischievious conservative things.

First Elf - prime minister.

Oh shit, coronavirus - what is a poor Elf going to do.

Saving Christmas

Plenty of wild hair illustrations with an Elf Hat on.

boris.jpg.737f94d274aaa0f104b22c8281206b20.jpg

 

 

He may have been a very naughty elf but there are currently no rumours of him shagging a pigs head. 

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49 minutes ago, One percent said:

He may have been a very naughty elf but there are currently no rumours of him shagging a pigs head. 

Childrens book dear, we can talk about it in secret magic-roundabout terms that the Biden's & Clintons would understand.

Edited by Chewing Grass
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41 minutes ago, One percent said:

He may have been a very naughty elf but there are currently no rumours of him shagging a pigs head. 

Goldilocks and the three pigs heads:

Goldilocks bumbled his way into the Bullingdon Club initiation ceremony 

There he saw threeeeeee pig heads.

He tried the first one and it was toooooooo small.

Then he tried the second one and it was toooooooooo big.

Then he tried the third one and it was just right, so he jizzed in it and set fire to 50 quid in front of a tramp.

Then Call-me-Dave walks in. 'who's be jizzing in my pig skull..... and it's still warm!!!!!

Then Soros arrived and took some piccies.

The end..... of the world.

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10 hours ago, Chewing Grass said:

Well as we are banned from life we may as well write this years best selling children's book before that witch Rowling does.

I will start it off, remember it will be aimed at Primary kids and appropriately illustrated in a satirical manner and Boris has a big ego so its probably what he is thinking at the moment.

Introduction.

Boris had always been a naughty elf, so much so his parents had chucked him out at the age of eight from their elf-house in Epping Forest and sent him off to residential Elf-School.

1697460903_Screenshotfrom2020-10-3118-50-30.jpg.42715b1baf91164d14a08e27e66fc0c7.jpg

Naughty stuff than Boris did at Elf-School (think Bullingdon club).

Life as an Urban Elf, naughty mischievious conservative things.

First Elf - prime minister.

Oh shit, coronavirus - what is a poor Elf going to do.

Saving Christmas

Plenty of wild hair illustrations with an Elf Hat on.

boris.jpg.737f94d274aaa0f104b22c8281206b20.jpg

 

 

Well that is a wizened old crack..

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18 hours ago, Chewing Grass said:

Plenty of wild hair illustrations with an Elf Hat on.

And that, sadly, is why your book will never, ever be published.

Because after Brexit is complete, there will be no more cutesy illustrated children's books.

Why? I hear you ask, while choking on your tea and crumpets in alarm...

Because Julia Donaldson has said so, so it must be true.

There will no longer be pots of gold at the end of EU funded rainbows to pay European illustrators to illustrate her books. Nor will there be queues of EU-approved translators, eager to convert doggerel into other EU tongues, all paid for by the magical EU tax fairies.

It's a tragedy. We won't ever find out what happened when Zog the Dragon met the Gruffalo; or the outcome of the duel between StickMan and the Witch's Broom. 

It's so sad. I'm going to have a lie down now to recover....

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3 hours ago, unregistered_guest said:

And that, sadly, is why your book will never, ever be published.

Because after Brexit is complete, there will be no more cutesy illustrated children's books.

Why? I hear you ask, while choking on your tea and crumpets in alarm...

Because Julia Donaldson has said so, so it must be true.

There will no longer be pots of gold at the end of EU funded rainbows to pay European illustrators to illustrate her books. Nor will there be queues of EU-approved translators, eager to convert doggerel into other EU tongues, all paid for by the magical EU tax fairies.

It's a tragedy. We won't ever find out what happened when Zog the Dragon met the Gruffalo; or the outcome of the duel between StickMan and the Witch's Broom. 

It's so sad. I'm going to have a lie down now to recover....

Are you saying the magic money tree does not exsist 

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