Welcome to DOSBODS
DOSBODS is free of any advertising.
Ads are annoying, and - increasingly - advertising companies limit free speech online. DOSBODS Forums are completely free to use. Please create a free account to be able to access all the features of the DOSBODS community. It only takes 20 seconds!
By Sucralose Ray Leonard
Well I completely lost all man points about half an hour ago. Was just drying Jnrs hair in the living room when I heard a "what on earth was that?" What was what? "I just saw something huge scurry by the Couch."
So I tentatively walk around to see the biggest house spider ever known to man. I'm not exaggerating at all, when I say it was borderline Tarantula size, albeit a very skinny one.
I reached for the spider grabber, as I try to be nice these days and catch them to release them. Well it couldn't cope could it (nothing to do with my piss poor reaction time) and it escaped into the hall.
Now, the hall is currently box stacking central so I thought my chance was over, and I would be kept awake all night waiting for it to come and get me.
I put the torch on my phone on and managed to spot it in a corner under the shoe rack.
At this point you need to picture Arnie in Commando when he has rocket launchers and nukes strapped to him. That was me. Dyson in one hand, handheld vac in the other.
I knew I only had one last chance before I'd lost this battle. I slowly slid the Dyson hose around my Pair of Cat boots. (oh how I wish I had a pair of actual Cats at this point), lined my other hand up on the power button and took a deep breath.
I missed of course, but after twatting my boots out of the way I got it. I still kept vaccing around there for another 10 seconds to reassure myself and then checked the thankfully see through Dyson "bucket". I'm pretty sure I correctly identified a stray Spider leg. It was the size of a twig after all.
Jnr has now gone to bed worried about Spiders but will be snoring in 10 mins.
I will be shitting the bed all night that I didn't get the mother fucker or if I did, he sent a signal to his mates and they are going to get revenge.
What have I learnt from tonight's horrific incident?
I'm not a real Man.
I'm a scruffy cunt and need to tidy up.
I need a Cat, or 12.
Thank you for reading,
Sucralose "Cat Lady" Leonard.
Recently Browsing 0 members
No registered users viewing this page.