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After 20 years I've sacked off my gym membership/rant


gibbon
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ElKapitan84

Sounds insufferable.  Never been in one.  I don't actually see the need.  A bar, plates and bench and you have 80% of everything needed.  Find something somewhere to pull up on, sorted again.  Most machines are useless gimmick junk.

I see 'PTs' on Facebook who look like shit.

30kg dumb bell limit?  I suppose no-one there has traps.

Look at the guys in American prisons.  They have fuck all but time and frustration and a few stone-age tools, and they're coming like brick shit houses.  All this crap nu-males have and they're twigs.

Edited by ElKapitan84
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Warlord Velmoth
28 minutes ago, gibbon said:

Started going to gyms 20 years back before this fitness craze, when they were spit and sawdust male places full of roided up bodybuilders and what seemed to be 100 year old solid kit. Intimidating for a newbie but infact everyone was friendly, happy to help you out etc. Felt more like going to a social club/pub. There we rules, you learnt them quickly and everyone followed them. If you sweat all over the gear wipe it up (nearly everyone had a towel with them anyway). Put the kit and weights away. Share the equipment and so on. A lot of these gyms are long gone now.

The one I just left and was at for 2-3 years is a large new commercial gym, it's "instagrammable" apparently.

  • The entire gym and it's kit decided by what looks best in photos. The machines are awful brand new junk (but they look nice). Dumbbells only go up to 30kg (because we don't want any of those scary meatheads turning up scaring off the soy boys).
  • Full of young thots wearing fuck all clothes for attention. It's air conditioned you fucking whores there's no reason for you to wear literally nothing....it's "the new nightclub" they say..girls still get all the attention but now not a single bloke gets his end away. Every exercise they do has to be with their ass up in the air for max attention.
  • Soy boy dickheads trying to use multiple bits of kit at the same time, already had two arguments with two apple watch wearing dickheads who came running over from another bit of kit the other end of the gym to tell me they were using this one. I swiftly told them to do one. 
  • Not a single cunt has any manners, nobody deloads the bars, benches/machines drenched in sweat, filthy animals not washing their hands after taking a piss/shit, people sit around chatting on bits of kit or checking their phones, dumbells all over the shop, everyone's got their headphones in...I guess the alternative is to listen to the gyms shit energy sapping music and get harassed by the 8 stone 17 year old PTs hard selling their sessions £30 sessions. £30 to look like you? Fuck off mate. 
  • It's so fucking busy day and night. Have to train at non-peak hours, yet even at 9.30pm you'll still find yourself waiting around to use something.

After having to train at home over lockdown with the gyms reopening soon I thought fuck it i'm not going back, 20 years and I've jacked it in. Working out at home now, all I got is a DIY suspension trainer, barbell + a few plates, filled a 5 litre water bottle in a bag to add resistance on body weight stuff, and some push up handles. Couldn't be happier. Done in 40mins no fucking around. I'll put the gym fee every month towards buying more plates. Home workouts are the future.

If you need some cheap equipment fast, Opti do some decent weight benches for under £100 and a brand called Gallant do the cheapest vinyl weight plates I've ever seen (I know, I prefer the metal ones too but they do the same fucking thing at the end of the day).

All can be found on eBay quite easily and delivered to your door and still work out cheaper than a long term gym membership.

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Hail the Tripod
1 hour ago, gibbon said:

Home workouts are the future.

You get more more testosterone boost working out as part of a group.

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JoeDavola
1 hour ago, gibbon said:

I guess the alternative is to listen to the gyms shit energy sapping music and get harassed by the 8 stone 17 year old PTs hard selling their sessions £30 sessions. £30 to look like you? Fuck off mate. 

I fell for the PT meme myself but I did get a laugh in my last gym watching PT's getting flabby out of shape middle aged men and women to do really but ultimately useless exercises involving gym balls, bosu balls and other assorted crap. At one point I had to stop myself laughing as the PT had some 50-something out of shape bloke doing something on the matt that looked like a cross between breakdancing and an epileptic fit.

I came to the conclusion that these PT's had to keep on making up increasinly complicated 'routines' for these folk to follow in order to get return business, in order for the folk to think they couldn't continue without the PT.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, ElKapitan84 said:

Sounds insufferable.  Never been in one.  I don't actually see the need.  A bar, plates and bench and you have 80% of everything needed.  Find something somewhere to pull up on, sorted again.  Most machines are useless gimmick junk.

I see 'PTs' on Facebook who look like shit.

30kg dumb bell limit?  I suppose no-one there has traps.

Look at the guys in American prisons.  They have fuck all but time and frustration and a few stone-age tools, and they're coming like brick shit houses.  All this crap nu-males have and they're twigs.

yup there's maybe 3 machines which aren't pure shite: pulldown, cable row and cable crossover. Rest is just useless junk taking up space.

Sadly haven't got anywhere at home to do pullups, don't want to risk a pull up bar on the doors in my flat as the frames look like they are made from papermache.

During the first lockdown before I had any kit I went to the local outdoor gym. Got speaking to a EE guy, he was in excellent shape, better than 90% of gym goers. Told me he's never been to the gym, most of his workouts he does at the outdoor gym or at home with limited equipment. Recommended convict conditioning which got me on this path.

1 hour ago, Warlord Velmoth said:

If you need some cheap equipment fast, Opti do some decent weight benches for under £100 and a brand called Gallant do the cheapest vinyl weight plates I've ever seen (I know, I prefer the metal ones too but they do the same fucking thing at the end of the day).

All can be found on eBay quite easily and delivered to your door and still work out cheaper than a long term gym membership.

Cheers will look them up, any idea of the cost of vinyl weights? I picked the barbell up recently off aldi with 20kg vinyl weights for £30. It's a start. I'm actually quite impressed with the bar, ok it's not a oly bar but came in 3 sections you screw together, it's solid as a rock though and very well made. I've used worse in gyms.

I've seen the cost of plates online and it's made my head spin. I'm kicking myself as before I joined my first gym I was working at home, had a shitty bench but had over 100kg of plates, some of them were vinyl but I did have 4x20kg solid metal plates. I don't even want to know 1 of those go for at the moment seeing as a sold it all for a song over 10 years back :CryBaby: 

Might have a go at making some concrete plates for the time being, lots of tutorials on youtube and I don't need much weight these days anyway, my days of ego lifting are long gone. 80kg would do me. 

Edited by gibbon
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JoeDavola
3 minutes ago, gibbon said:

Got speaking to a EE guy, he was in excellent shape, better than 90% of gym goers. Told me he's never been to the gym, most of his workouts he does at the outdoor gym or at home with limited equipment. Recommended convict conditioning which got me on this path.

Yeah it always looked to me like the folk who had nailed the calisthetics stuff were in the best overall shape. Balanced healthy physiques.

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Like the OP I started with grunty sawdust gyms, in my case in about 1985. Always been very friendly, helpful places, with the understanding that the only person you're really competing with is yourself. Had one in my home town (long since turned into 'luxury apartments'), one in Brighton/Hove (Cheetahs - apparently still running), one in Wellington, New Zealand, one here in Berlin. I'm still paying for the Berlin one each month even though they're closed due to lockdown shite, because I want them to survive. I do have weights at home but it's not the same as going into a proper male* space and doing grunty workouts with stupendous weights. Maybe next month.

* Some women do visit but to be honest most of them look like men anyway.

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Warlord Velmoth
2 hours ago, gibbon said:

yup there's maybe 3 machines which aren't pure shite: pulldown, cable row and cable crossover. Rest is just useless junk taking up space.

Sadly haven't got anywhere at home to do pullups, don't want to risk a pull up bar on the doors in my flat as the frames look like they are made from papermache.

During the first lockdown before I had any kit I went to the local outdoor gym. Got speaking to a EE guy, he was in excellent shape, better than 90% of gym goers. Told me he's never been to the gym, most of his workouts he does at the outdoor gym or at home with limited equipment. Recommended convict conditioning which got me on this path.

Cheers will look them up, any idea of the cost of vinyl weights? I picked the barbell up recently off aldi with 20kg vinyl weights for £30. It's a start. I'm actually quite impressed with the bar, ok it's not a oly bar but came in 3 sections you screw together, it's solid as a rock though and very well made. I've used worse in gyms.

I've seen the cost of plates online and it's made my head spin. I'm kicking myself as before I joined my first gym I was working at home, had a shitty bench but had over 100kg of plates, some of them were vinyl but I did have 4x20kg solid metal plates. I don't even want to know 1 of those go for at the moment seeing as a sold it all for a song over 10 years back :CryBaby: 

Might have a go at making some concrete plates for the time being, lots of tutorials on youtube and I don't need much weight these days anyway, my days of ego lifting are long gone. 80kg would do me. 

Check Ebay is all I can say - prices have went up with more people working out at home, but I managed to get a decent barbell for £20, weights up to 5kg x2 tend to be around £20, but often come closer to £30 due to delivery. My advice would be to buy a load of dumbell sets and use the weights off them as you usually get better value for money (I often just keep the spare dumbell bars as spares or give them away to whoever wants them. If you can find anything close to you for click and collect you can get a fuck load of stuff for £50 from people who just want rid of it.

You'll end up with a load of smaller weights on your barbell, but weight is weight, and it doesn't look to silly if they're all vinyl as they're larger than metal weights anyway lol.

Be wary of those cheap 2KG metal "body sculpture" weights that look a good deal - they're the right weight, but the soldering inside the holes for the bar is shite - I had to use a hammer to get them onto the leg curling station on my bench and now the cunts are stuck there permanently in front of 15KG of vinyl weights, so I can only ever lift 19KG with that part of the bench...

Edited by Warlord Velmoth
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ElKapitan84

Straight bar bell alone allows: Overhead press, overhead press behind neck, skull crushers, curls of various widths, deadlift, squat, t-bar row, upright row, shrug, bent over row etc.  

None of it is glamorous.  In fact it'll leave you with callous hands.  But it works.

That Pelaton shit proves that people 'work out' to pose, with makeup and all on.

Edited by ElKapitan84
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Warlord Velmoth
1 minute ago, ElKapitan84 said:

Straight bar bell alone allows: Overhead press, overhead press behind neck, skull crushers, curls of various widths, deadlift, squat, t-bar row, upright row, shrug, bent over row etc.  

None of it is glamorous.  In fact it'll leave you with callous hands.  But it works.

That Pelaton shit proves that people 'work out' to pose, with makeup and all on.

With a lot of the machines being all cables and pulleys you'll only ever be lifting a fraction of the weight you have it set to. The rest is just leverage IMO. Less chance of injury and easier to pinpoint a specific area for a workout on a machine designed for it, but at some point people have to see that its the machine doing most of the work.

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Do tree branch pull ups. 

It's actually surprisingly difficult to find the right branch - right girth, seven foot off ground, horizontal plane, no spiky bits, no other branches nearby to bang your head, clear ground so you're not landing in shrubs, etc. 

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ElKapitan84
1 hour ago, Warlord Velmoth said:

With a lot of the machines being all cables and pulleys you'll only ever be lifting a fraction of the weight you have it set to. The rest is just leverage IMO. Less chance of injury and easier to pinpoint a specific area for a workout on a machine designed for it, but at some point people have to see that its the machine doing most of the work.

IMO free weights reduce injury concerns.  They force stabilizers to get to work and harden up.  Most nagging injuries I've had have been small tendons or muscles, like levator scapulae.

But yeah I love it when people use machine bench press to boast of their lifts, and even then they only mention their 1 max rep.  I mean who cares about 1 rep on a machine.  Show me when you're doing for 10 reps on a real bench.

Edited by ElKapitan84
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Libspero
6 hours ago, gibbon said:

The one I just left and was at for 2-3 years is a large new commercial gym, it's "instagrammable" apparently.

You’ve answered your own question.

These are gyms designed to make money,  they are not run by enthusiasts for enthusiasts.  I can’t remember the first chain,  but it was a business venture to tap into the market of young professionals who decide they want to get in shape to attract a partner..  or middle age office workers who think they’ll turn up in a gym and turn back into a 20 year old.  It just has too look flash and attractive and make you feel important.  It’s why they always used to sign you up for a year at a time,  otherwise they knew everyone would stop paying after a month or two.     They basically rely on people paying and never turning up.  Also means they can buy cheap equipment as it doesn’t get enough use to wear out.

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swiss_democracy_for_all
5 hours ago, gibbon said:

Started going to gyms 20 years back before this fitness craze, when they were spit and sawdust male places full of roided up bodybuilders and what seemed to be 100 year old solid kit. Intimidating for a newbie but infact everyone was friendly, happy to help you out etc. Felt more like going to a social club/pub. There we rules, you learnt them quickly and everyone followed them. If you sweat all over the gear wipe it up (nearly everyone had a towel with them anyway). Put the kit and weights away. Share the equipment and so on. A lot of these gyms are long gone now.

The one I just left and was at for 2-3 years is a large new commercial gym, it's "instagrammable" apparently.

  • The entire gym and it's kit decided by what looks best in photos. The machines are awful brand new junk (but they look nice). Dumbbells only go up to 30kg (because we don't want any of those scary meatheads turning up scaring off the soy boys).
  • Full of young thots wearing fuck all clothes for attention. It's air conditioned you fucking whores there's no reason for you to wear literally nothing....it's "the new nightclub" they say..girls still get all the attention but now not a single bloke gets his end away. Every exercise they do has to be with their ass up in the air for max attention.
  • Soy boy dickheads trying to use multiple bits of kit at the same time, already had two arguments with two apple watch wearing dickheads who came running over from another bit of kit the other end of the gym to tell me they were using this one. I swiftly told them to do one. 
  • Not a single cunt has any manners, nobody deloads the bars, benches/machines drenched in sweat, filthy animals not washing their hands after taking a piss/shit, people sit around chatting on bits of kit or checking their phones, dumbells all over the shop, everyone's got their headphones in...I guess the alternative is to listen to the gyms shit energy sapping music and get harassed by the 8 stone 17 year old PTs hard selling their sessions £30 sessions. £30 to look like you? Fuck off mate. 
  • It's so fucking busy day and night. Have to train at non-peak hours, yet even at 9.30pm you'll still find yourself waiting around to use something.

After having to train at home over lockdown with the gyms reopening soon I thought fuck it i'm not going back, 20 years and I've jacked it in. Working out at home now, all I got is a DIY suspension trainer, barbell + a few plates, filled a 5 litre water bottle in a bag to add resistance on body weight stuff, and some push up handles. Couldn't be happier. Done in 40mins no fucking around. I'll put the gym fee every month towards buying more plates. Home workouts are the future.

Find a shapely yoga or pilates teacher to be nice to you, that will cheer you up, fitness-wise combine that with running or something else more aerobic and you'll be in good shape, better IMO than most gym-goers, with good core strength.

(Disclosure, this works best for me, rugby-fullback type build, as heavy weights just bulk me up stupidly, but would probably not be suitable if you're a naturally skinny man who wants/needs extra bulk)

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Roger_Mellie
1 hour ago, Stuey said:

Do tree branch pull ups. 

It's actually surprisingly difficult to find the right branch - right girth, seven foot off ground, horizontal plane, no spiky bits, no other branches nearby to bang your head, clear ground so you're not landing in shrubs, etc. 

You sold the fuck out of that onexD

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5 hours ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

Find a shapely yoga or pilates teacher to be nice to you, that will cheer you up, fitness-wise combine that with running or something else more aerobic and you'll be in good shape, better IMO than most gym-goers, with good core strength.

(Disclosure, this works best for me, rugby-fullback type build, as heavy weights just bulk me up stupidly, but would probably not be suitable if you're a naturally skinny man who wants/needs extra bulk)

I'm naturally on the slim side, although trying to lose a bit of weight at the mo and get rid of a small amount of middle age spread. Been cycling doing food deliveries about 8-10 hours a week so that sorts the cardio out. If I sacked off the weights for yoga I'd probably end up skinny fat as i'm not a natural when it comes to putting on muscle.

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I took up boxing maybe 3 years ago can't recommend enough. 

Great cardio and immense upper body too. Not full of arsetwats as they are quickly put in their place by the coaches. 

Even the biggest twat on the planet is unlikely to start a fight with a boxing coach in his own gym. 

Unfortunately I've not been for about a year as they are all shut to improve my health....9_9

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Posted (edited)
16 hours ago, ccc said:

I took up boxing maybe 3 years ago can't recommend enough. 

Great cardio and immense upper body too. Not full of arsetwats as they are quickly put in their place by the coaches. 

Even the biggest twat on the planet is unlikely to start a fight with a boxing coach in his own gym. 

Unfortunately I've not been for about a year as they are all shut to improve my health....9_9

yeah I used to do boxing as well at two old school boxing gyms. Loved it. Tried all manner of different sports/hobbies, name it and i've probably had a go at it and I reckon boxing comes out top. Sound lads as well. As you say there's no egos. Had to stop anyway as after a couple years started causing an old injury in both my elbows to flare up as it's quite easy to hyper-extend your elbow while punching as i'm sure you know (smashed my elbows up badly while on the sauce when at uni, couldn't use either my arms for a long time). Was turning up to sessions wearing elbow wraps and taking ibuprofen before training then in agony the next day. Decided it was stupid doing long term ligament damage for a hobby so jacked it in.  

Not that it matters, one of the gyms has since been turned into flats. Remember talking to the gym owner and he was saying the council and councillors were in bed with the developers forcing it through, all bent just like the good old days. The other got new larger premises's and started doing all manner of martial arts, got rid of the drop £5 in a honesty box, now £40+ a month direct debit long contract, bailiffs if you quit early etc fuck all that.

Edited by gibbon
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16 hours ago, ccc said:

I took up boxing maybe 3 years ago can't recommend enough. 

Great cardio and immense upper body too. Not full of arsetwats as they are quickly put in their place by the coaches. 

Even the biggest twat on the planet is unlikely to start a fight with a boxing coach in his own gym. 

Unfortunately I've not been for about a year as they are all shut to improve my health....9_9

Can you not get yourself a punch bag, otherwise known as @Mrs XYY?

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There's an outdoor gym in our village, fine for pull-ups etc, except it's closed due to covid. The children's playground 50 yards away is open, so occasionally sneak in some pull-ups there instead, then have a go on the slide :)

 

Edited by snaga
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Popuplights
On 05/03/2021 at 09:43, gibbon said:

harassed by the 8 stone 17 year old PTs hard selling their sessions £30 sessions. £30 to look like you? Fuck off mate. 

Excellent rant. I especially enjoyed this part. !!

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Andersen

I've tried a few commercial gyms, (we often used to get "try our place for 2 weeks before you sign up" etc), I can't see the attraction for being indoors with a bigscreen tv at the front of the room when you could be having fun outside. One of the worst was at Stockton - a gym with big screen at the front and huge plate glass windows at the side overlooking the river, just turning the layout 90* would have given a spectacular view in front of you. 

We had a works party at one of the venues, a lot of folk signed up for their promo offer a week later. I was going out with a lass who joined and made good use of it before work most days, she said 90% of the folk turned up for a few weeks then stopped going - but had committed to paying for a full year. Predictable.

@gibbon thanks for the tip about convict training - looks ideal as I'm trying to avoid collecting "suff" I'll need to get rid of when I move. The less equipment for me the better.

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