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Great Guy

New Religion

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I was thinking of starting a new religion. Anyone want to join it?

I've jotted down some rules for it:

1. Members of this religion are superior to everyone else.

2. Female members are inferior to male members.

3. You go straight to heaven if a member kills a non member and shouts out the magic words "Great Guy is Great".

4. You can't leave this religion or you will be killed.

 

I'm running a special offer at the moment. You can join for £1000. Or it's free if you are female between 18 and 30 (and attractive).

Obviously it's my idea and I'm in charge. However to show what a great guy I am I'm happy to consider any other proposed rules.

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3 minutes ago, spunko2010 said:

Why not offer tax breaks and cover for homosexuals a la scientology? You can then attract some high profile celebs. 

Beat me to mentioning tax. Don't forget to levy taxes in your new religion and some special additional ones to anyone who does not convert to your religion.

 

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4 minutes ago, spunko2010 said:

Why not offer tax breaks and cover for homosexuals a la scientology? You can then attract some high profile celebs. 

Ohh I forgot. Rule 5 is:

Homosexuals are not permitted and are to be killed.

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9 minutes ago, DeepLurker said:

I was interested so far, but Rule 6 is a deal-breaker for me.

Tell you what I'll relax that rule. you can drink alcohol if you like. You can even sell it to non believers in your own shops.

However if you work in a non believers shop you can not sell it or touch bottles containing alcohol.

 

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How about a compulsory daily wash?

 

Quote

The Primary Chronicle reports that in the year 987, after consultation with his boyars, Vladimir the Great sent envoys to study the religions of the various neighboring nations whose representatives had been urging him to embrace their respective faiths. The result is described by the chronicler Nestor. Of the Muslim Bulgarians of the Volga the envoys reported there is no gladness among them, only sorrow and a great stench. He also reported that Islam was undesirable due to its taboo against alcoholic beverages and pork.[23] Vladimir remarked on the occasion: "Drinking is the joy of all Rus'. We cannot exist without that pleasure."[24] Ukrainian and Russian sources also describe Vladimir consulting with Jewish envoys and questioning them about their religion, but ultimately rejecting it as well, saying that their loss of Jerusalem was evidence that they had been abandoned by God.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vladimir_the_Great

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1 minute ago, Carl Fimble said:

Would we need to pray? I have a very busy life and would not have a huge amount of time for prayer.

Of course you would. 5 times a day.

You think getting to heaven is easy? *rolls eyes*.

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4 minutes ago, Great Guy said:

Of course you would. 5 times a day.

You think getting to heaven is easy? *rolls eyes*.

I would be fine with that if I was an employee as it would be a good excuse for a skive. I'm self employed though, so it's a no from me.

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2 minutes ago, Carl Fimble said:

I would be fine with that if I was an employee as it would be a good excuse for a skive. I'm self employed though, so it's a no from me.

tbh, we don't like people to work in this religion. we'd much rather they sat about the house doing nothing but complaining at how everyone else hates our religion.

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1 minute ago, Great Guy said:

tbh, we don't like people to work in this religion. we'd much rather they sat about the house doing nothing but complaining at how everyone else hates our religion.

Can I can have a handful of wives (and maybe a few sex slaves on the side too)?

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1 minute ago, Hail the Tripod said:

Can I can have a handful of wives (and maybe a few sex slaves on the side too)?

Help yourself to the wives. But you can only have sex slaves if you kill their male relatives first.

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10 minutes ago, Great Guy said:

tbh, we don't like people to work in this religion. we'd much rather they sat about the house doing nothing but complaining at how everyone else hates our religion.

What about money though, I need money for food, clothes, house, car, bills, etc, etc.

Is this praying five times a day thing open to interpretation in any way?

 

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Just now, Carl Fimble said:

What about money though, I need money for food, clothes, house, car, bills, etc, etc.

Is this praying five times a day thing open to interpretation in any way?

 

don't worry about money. the non believers give us all the money we need.

tell you what, I'm seeing some resistance to the praying and no alcohol rules. My next rule is you can go straight to heaven (no matter if you don't pray and you drink) if you kill a non believer and are killed yourself by the non believing police.

Sounds good ehh?

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9 minutes ago, Great Guy said:

don't worry about money. the non believers give us all the money we need.

tell you what, I'm seeing some resistance to the praying and no alcohol rules. My next rule is  you can go straight to heaven (no matter if you don't pray and you drink) if you kill a non believer and are killed yourself by the non believing police.

Sounds good ehh?

Hmmm, what's heaven like?

Sorry for all the questions, it's just a big thing for me to abandon my Judaism.

Edited by Carl Fimble
adding the last paragraph

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