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Has Joe been dating again?

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I call fake on this one too. Why would you do such a thing? Remove a floater from the bowl (with your hands?) and fling it out the window! Surely just throw loads of toilet paper in and thus weighted down even a resistant floater will be defeated. Failing that attack it with the toilet brush and beat it down.

Even if you did do what is claimed wouldn't you just make your excuses and leave? not admit it to your date and ask him to help?

It does bring to mind the old joke though,

Why did the baker have smelly hands?

.

.

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because he kneaded a poo.

😀

Edited by the gardener

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2 minutes ago, sarahbell said:

Fake. 

I don't know. A friend told me a near identical story some years ago. He was viewing a rental and needed the loo desperately. When his log didn't flush because of its size and density, he panicked and picked it up and chucked it out of the window! 

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I once poured a bottle of piss out of a dodgy New York hotel window. It was a room with no toilet, so I was using an empty bottle, which had since become full.

It was the wee small hours and I needed to piss - I certainty wasn't going to venture out into the communal toilets at that time. So the bottle was emptied.

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8 minutes ago, JoeDavola said:

I was using an empty bottle, which had since become full.

Apparently the edges of motorways are littered with bottles of 'Trucker's Tizer'. Perhaps Frank will be along in a minute to verify?

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I just don't get the throw it out the window. I mean, what's more embarrassing: a poo in the toilet where it's supposed to be, or a poo landing on an unsuspecting neighbour's head who then comes storming round?

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I have failed to find it but there is an ? Australian advert where a woman meeting her boyfriend's parents at their house has just this trouble and wraps it in paper and hides it in her handbag; which when they are in the park later is stolen. The thief plunges his hand into the bag and goes "Urgh, some people are sick."

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2 hours ago, Fully Detached said:

A mate of mine had a vaguely similar (i.e. new girlfriend, gets the shits, let's rip in her bathroom only to find no bog roll, ends up using her entire pack of Dettol wipes and bleaching his own rosebud) experience at the weekend. In all honestly, I can well believe someone would attempt to lob a troublesome choddie out of the window; what I struggle with is subsequently notifying the window owner about the slight mis-throw, and the two of them joining forces to remove the offending article.

It was a first date - surely that's a case of cut your losses, run, and have a story to tell your grandchildren, assuming you ever pluck up the courage to enter the dating game again.

:DxD

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41 minutes ago, the gardener said:

Wouldn't happen to me as I always check for toilet roll before going. OK if you get a sudden attack of the shits then it could happen but then since I always carry a small pack of tissues I have a plan B.

Plan C would be a flannel or jump in the shower and hose my arsehole clean. Plan D would be to cut a bit off my boxer shorts with my penknife (which I always carry) and use that as an arse rag.

Wiping my arse on the curtains would be somewhere around plan Z. Dettol wipes would be about the letter M.

Your friend could of course had rinsed the wipes under the tap first to save bleaching his anus but maybe he panicked.

If I ever find myself at the mercy of a life threatening conundrum, you are the man I'd like by my side.

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3 minutes ago, Fully Detached said:

If I ever find myself at the mercy of a life threatening conundrum, you are the man I'd like by my side.

:D

Brilliant wasn't it, made me laugh. Let's see it again!

 

46 minutes ago, the gardener said:

Wouldn't happen to me as I always check for toilet roll before going. OK if you get a sudden attack of the shits then it could happen but then since I always carry a small pack of tissues I have a plan B.

Plan C would be a flannel or jump in the shower and hose my arsehole clean. Plan D would be to cut a bit off my boxer shorts with my penknife (which I always carry) and use that as an arse rag.

Wiping my arse on the curtains would be somewhere around plan Z. Dettol wipes would be about the letter M.

Your friend could of course had rinsed the wipes under the tap first to save bleaching his anus but maybe he panicked.

:Jumping:

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4 hours ago, JoeDavola said:

I once poured a bottle of piss out of a dodgy New York hotel window. It was a room with no toilet, so I was using an empty bottle, which had since become full.

It was the wee small hours and I needed to piss - I certainty wasn't going to venture out into the communal toilets at that time. So the bottle was emptied.

Fnarr fnarr!O.o

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I used to like leaving a chubby in date's loos as a kind of calling card. Puts them off calling you again too.

As for loo paper, never need it, poos are always as clean as a whistle, must be a diet thing. I wouldn't pick one of mine up though.

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3 hours ago, the gardener said:

Wouldn't happen to me as I always check for toilet roll before going. OK if you get a sudden attack of the shits then it could happen but then since I always carry a small pack of tissues I have a plan B.

Plan C would be a flannel or jump in the shower and hose my arsehole clean. Plan D would be to cut a bit off my boxer shorts with my penknife (which I always carry) and use that as an arse rag.

Wiping my arse on the curtains would be somewhere around plan Z. Dettol wipes would be about the letter M.

Your friend could of course had rinsed the wipes under the tap first to save bleaching his anus but maybe he panicked.

Fucking pure gold that Gardener

Edited by Talking Monkey

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9 minutes ago, davidg said:

As for loo paper, never need it, poos are always as clean as a whistle, must be a diet thing. I wouldn't pick one of mine up though.

You should send a sample of your gut bacteria to the researchers in Israel at the Weizmann Institute, they might want to use you as an "ideal" example, especially if you're extra healthy, energetic, slim, don't have allergies, no dietary constraints etc. Imagine the savings in sewage treatment alone if everyone was like that, and in healthcare.

Your poo could save the world!

 

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8 minutes ago, swissy_fit said:

You should send a sample of your gut bacteria to the researchers in Israel at the Weizmann Institute, they might want to use you as an "ideal" example, especially if you're extra healthy, energetic, slim, don't have allergies, no dietary constraints etc. Imagine the savings in sewage treatment alone if everyone was like that, and in healthcare.

Your poo could save the world!

 

I think most people eat too much processed food with palm oil and stuff, that's why they have such runny shits requiring huge amounts of loo roll, not to mention the anal leakage issues.

Edited by davidg

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8 hours ago, Hail the Tripod said:

I can see this being reproduced for US audiences in the next Ben Stiller comedy.

Something like this was in the sitcom 'Worst week of My Life' (with Ben Miller - so nearly right)

 

Edit - It was some meat he didn't like, but everyone thought it was poo.

Edited by NewryH

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5 hours ago, the gardener said:

Wouldn't happen to me as I always check for toilet roll before going. OK if you get a sudden attack of the shits then it could happen but then since I always carry a small pack of tissues I have a plan B.

Plan C would be a flannel or jump in the shower and hose my arsehole clean. Plan D would be to cut a bit off my boxer shorts with my penknife (which I always carry) and use that as an arse rag.

Wiping my arse on the curtains would be somewhere around plan Z. Dettol wipes would be about the letter M.

Your friend could of course had rinsed the wipes under the tap first to save bleaching his anus but maybe he panicked.

 

2 hours ago, Talking Monkey said:

Fucking pure gold that Gardener

^^^ I was pissing myself reading that too ;)

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Life just merges with fantasy these days (I can't remember whether stories were anecdotes, fiction or entertainment). 

I remember some story about leaving after a one-night-stand and forgetting that they'd left a poo on a table in a bag. 

Then there was the hilarious bodybuilding forum anecdote about shitting on a date's toilet with an erection (the Ms Paint pictures really made that anecdote). Seem to remember it was linked to every forum in the world. No idea if the pics are still working.

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=136817203

Other one seems to have been anecdotal as well. 

https://m.imgur.com/QODqRTj

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