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sarahbell

Bad jokes

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Hello Mrs Smith.

Hello boys.

Is John coming out to play soldiers?

But boys, John is a Thalidomite. He has no arms and legs. He cant run, climb and skip around with you.

We know. We ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

want to use him as a sandbag.

 

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The police come across two teenagers in the park. One is drinking battery acid and the other is snorting gunpowder.

They charged one and let the other off.

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1 hour ago, spygirl said:

Were there any funny racist jokes?

I remember jim davidson doing his  chalky thing, which was shit. Not in a Ooh racist way. More Not funny way.

A white British guy to show his love for his new wife and to surprise her on their honeymoon has her name Wendy tattooed on his manhood. 

On the first evening of their honeymoon in the Caribbean they visit a bar and he goes to the loo.

Standing next to him at the urinals is a local black guy and he notices he also has the letters WY tattooed on his manhood.

Intrigued, the Brit asks, "Is your wife called Wendy too?"

"No" he answers, "Mine says: Welcome to Barbados, have a nice day"

Edited by Hopeful

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2 hours ago, mooncat69 said:

National Dyslexic Association

Two dyslexics having a chat.

Can you smell gas?

Are you joking? I can't even smell my own name.

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On 9/7/2017 at 19:35, spygirl said:

Were there any funny racist jokes?

I remember jim davidson doing his  chalky thing, which was shit. Not in a Ooh racist way. More Not funny way.

I'm pretty sure Irish jokes count as #racist these days, although this would offend the twitterati on several points:

During the potato famine an irish peasant gets caught stealing cabbages, convicted, and sent to prison for 3 months. He gets put in a cell with another fellow and the introduce themselves to each other. Paddy asks the man: "I've got 3 months for stealing cabbages. What are you in here for?"

The man replies: "12 years for rape."

"Feck me" replies Paddy "12 years just for rape. You must have nicked the whole field!" 

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29 minutes ago, Hail the Tripod said:

I'm pretty sure Irish jokes count as #racist these days

Amateur. This one inoffensive to Irish & Welsh at the same time...

Taffy and Paddy are walking down a country lane, and Taffy stops and can't believe his eyes, he see's a sheep with his head stuck between the bars of a fence. Taffy turns to paddy and says "this is the days of days, how lucky are we ...? "Do me a favour keep an eye out for the farmer..... 

So Paddy keeps an eye out while Taffy goes and has his wicked way with the sheep..... 

Some time and lots of bleating and groaning later Taffy comes from behind the fence and says "come on Paddy, it's your turn now" 

Paddy has a little think and then replies "are you sure Taffy? I don't think my head will fit in that little gap in the fence"

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