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sarahbell

Bad jokes

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Hello Mrs Smith.

Hello boys.

Is John coming out to play soldiers?

But boys, John is a Thalidomite. He has no arms and legs. He cant run, climb and skip around with you.

We know. We ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

want to use him as a sandbag.

 

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1 hour ago, spygirl said:

Were there any funny racist jokes?

I remember jim davidson doing his  chalky thing, which was shit. Not in a Ooh racist way. More Not funny way.

A white British guy to show his love for his new wife and to surprise her on their honeymoon has her name Wendy tattooed on his manhood. 

On the first evening of their honeymoon in the Caribbean they visit a bar and he goes to the loo.

Standing next to him at the urinals is a local black guy and he notices he also has the letters WY tattooed on his manhood.

Intrigued, the Brit asks, "Is your wife called Wendy too?"

"No" he answers, "Mine says: Welcome to Barbados, have a nice day"

Edited by Hopeful

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy-, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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On 9/7/2017 at 19:35, spygirl said:

Were there any funny racist jokes?

I remember jim davidson doing his  chalky thing, which was shit. Not in a Ooh racist way. More Not funny way.

I'm pretty sure Irish jokes count as #racist these days, although this would offend the twitterati on several points:

During the potato famine an irish peasant gets caught stealing cabbages, convicted, and sent to prison for 3 months. He gets put in a cell with another fellow and the introduce themselves to each other. Paddy asks the man: "I've got 3 months for stealing cabbages. What are you in here for?"

The man replies: "12 years for rape."

"Feck me" replies Paddy "12 years just for rape. You must have nicked the whole field!" 

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29 minutes ago, Hail the Tripod said:

I'm pretty sure Irish jokes count as #racist these days

Amateur. This one inoffensive to Irish & Welsh at the same time...

Taffy and Paddy are walking down a country lane, and Taffy stops and can't believe his eyes, he see's a sheep with his head stuck between the bars of a fence. Taffy turns to paddy and says "this is the days of days, how lucky are we ...? "Do me a favour keep an eye out for the farmer..... 

So Paddy keeps an eye out while Taffy goes and has his wicked way with the sheep..... 

Some time and lots of bleating and groaning later Taffy comes from behind the fence and says "come on Paddy, it's your turn now" 

Paddy has a little think and then replies "are you sure Taffy? I don't think my head will fit in that little gap in the fence"

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