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Crap car thread


UmBongo
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UmBongo

I thought I'd pay homage to those cars that were dreadful, perceived as dreadful or the unsung heroes of the car world. @MrPin 's Skoda Estelle for example, which from a story he once told, was quite a hit with the ladies.

Videos, pictures and discussion

Let's start with the Austin Allegory. @Austin Allegro

 

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Chewing Grass

Now't wrong with the Allegro, Johnny Smith was after one for years and got a gem.

 

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Chewing Grass

This is the one to have it inspired the Ford Fiesta XR2.

 

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Popuplights

The Morris marina. My dad had a white one. They were selling this shit until 1980. In 1979 he bought a brand new vauxhall astra, the first boxy shape one. It was like a fucking space ship in comparison.

 

1974_Morris_Marina_DL_1.8_Front.jpg

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24 minutes ago, Chewing Grass said:

This is the one to have it inspired the Ford Fiesta XR2.

 

I think Douglas Bader said it was the finest machine he’d ever travelled in for a PR puff piece. He was in the Orson Welles doing voices in kids cartoons, desperate for money, type phase by then though most likely.

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Bedrag Justesen
16 minutes ago, ashestoashes said:

what would you call that brown ?

Solid. 

Russet Brown.

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Bedrag Justesen
3 minutes ago, SNACR said:

I think Douglas Bader said it was the finest machine he’d ever travelled in for a PR puff piece. He was in the Orson Welles doing voices in kids cartoons, desperate for money, type phase by then though most likely.

Maybe Douglas had been drinking.

Probably legless tbf.

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ninjaborrower
43 minutes ago, UmBongo said:

I thought I'd pay homage to those cars that were dreadful, perceived as dreadful or the unsung heroes of the car world. @MrPin 's Skoda Estelle for example, which from a story he once told, was quite a hit with the ladies.

Videos, pictures and discussion

Let's start with the Austin Allegory. @Austin Allegro

 

Did it have a square steering wheel because after they built it they realised no one could get into it with a normal round one?

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Bedrag Justesen
Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, ninjaborrower said:

Did it have a square steering wheel because after they built it they realised no one could get into it with a normal round one?

The Quartic steering wheel was inspired by the square steering wheel in the 1960 Plymouth Fury.

Minnesota Motorhead » Article » Cars in the cold | Retro cars, Steering  wheel, Cool cars

The concept of a flat steering wheel at the bottom is commonplace now.

The aim is to increase knee room and more recently to help locate controls on the wheel. 

In the Allegro the wheel being flat at the top helped instrument visibility.

 

Edited by Bedrag Justesen
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One percent
2 minutes ago, Bedrag Justesen said:

The Quartic steering wheel was inspired by the square steering wheel in the 1960 Plymouth Fury.

Minnesota Motorhead » Article » Cars in the cold | Retro cars, Steering  wheel, Cool cars

The concept of a flat steering wheel at the bottom is commonplace now.

The aim is to increase knee room and more recently to help locate controls on the wheel. 

In the Allegro the wheel being flat at the top helped instrument visibility.

 

The seats are at a weird angle 

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ninjaborrower
4 minutes ago, Bedrag Justesen said:

The Quartic steering wheel was inspired by the square steering wheel in the 1960 Plymouth Fury.

The concept of a flat steering wheel at the bottom is commonplace now.

The aim is to increase knee room and more recently to help locate controls on the wheel. 

In the Allegro the wheel being flat at the top helped instrument visibility.

So in other words in the allegro they fucked up the intrument panel

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Bedrag Justesen
1 minute ago, One percent said:

The seats are at a weird angle 

Seats swivel to aid entry/exit.

 

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One percent
Just now, Bedrag Justesen said:

Seats swivel to aid entry/exit.

 

Brings a new meaning to the phrase, sit on it and swivel. xD

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TheBlueCat

1980s Fiesta 950L. This one is a sort of dog shit brown colour, which is entirely appropriate:

JVC 491V - 1980 Ford Fiesta 950 L

It has such wonderful features as a cardboard parcel shelf that melted if it got wet and an engine so puny that the top speed was noticeably slower with a passenger onboard. It was also shockingly noisy and had a ride like a tractor. The girls did not, to my observation, like it at all.

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Carl Fimble
12 minutes ago, TheBlueCat said:

1980s Fiesta 950L. This one is a sort of dog shit brown colour, which is entirely appropriate:

JVC 491V - 1980 Ford Fiesta 950 L

It has such wonderful features as a cardboard parcel shelf that melted if it got wet and an engine so puny that the top speed was noticeably slower with a passenger onboard. It was also shockingly noisy and had a ride like a tractor. The girls did not, to my observation, like it at all.

That's Hearing Aid Beige, a poplar colour back then.

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Great Guy

I always find it a bit amazing that a standard modern Ford is about 100 times better than a Rolls Royce from 50 years ago....

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One percent
25 minutes ago, TheBlueCat said:

1980s Fiesta 950L. This one is a sort of dog shit brown colour, which is entirely appropriate:

JVC 491V - 1980 Ford Fiesta 950 L

It has such wonderful features as a cardboard parcel shelf that melted if it got wet and an engine so puny that the top speed was noticeably slower with a passenger onboard. It was also shockingly noisy and had a ride like a tractor. The girls did not, to my observation, like it at all.

A bit off tangent but does anyone remember white dogshit back in the day? 
 

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Virgil Caine
Posted (edited)

The early Lancia Beta Berlinas had a design fault which meant that when they were driven the mounting points on the rear of the front subframe would collect mud and water causing many to rust out in a few years. The crappy Soviet steel supposedly used to make them did not help either. They gained a fair bit of notoriety for this failing in the U.K. press in the early 1970s which was quite an achievement as there was stiff competition from British manufacturers to as to who could build cars that would rust to bits fastest as soon as they were driven off the garage forecourt. This reputation stalked the Lancia for years which was a shame rally because the later cars were no more rust prone than many other makes and they were quite good looking cars. Ironically because they were thought to be so at risk from corrosion many people who bought them had them the vehicles independently rust proofed by third party companies which led to many of them surviving for years.

Edited by Virgil Caine
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Bedrag Justesen
54 minutes ago, Carl Fimble said:

That's Hearing Aid Beige, a poplar colour back then.

I see what you did there.  :)

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DTMark

The Ford Orion.

It made every corner seem like you were navigating the edge of a fifty pence piece.

images.jpg

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Bedrag Justesen
1 hour ago, TheBlueCat said:

1980s Fiesta 950L. This one is a sort of dog shit brown colour, which is entirely appropriate.

Solid. 

Ford Light Beige.

Two slightly darker shades available.

Ford Cordoba Beige. 

Ford Nevada Beige.

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Bedrag Justesen
32 minutes ago, Virgil Caine said:

The early Lancia Beta Berlinas had a design fault which meant that when they were driven the mounting points on the rear of the front subframe would collect mud and water causing many to rust out in a few years. 

They were designed to be driven everywhere in reverse.

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TheBlueCat
37 minutes ago, Virgil Caine said:

The early Lancia Beta Berlinas had a design fault which meant that when they were driven the mounting points on the rear of the front subframe would collect mud and water causing many to rust out in a few years. The crappy Soviet steel supposedly used to make them did not help either. They gained a fair bit of notoriety for this failing in the U.K. press in the early 1970s which was quite an achievement as there was stiff competition from British manufacturers to as to who could build cars that would rust to bits fastest as soon as they were driven off the garage forecourt. This reputation stalked the Lancia for years which was a shame rally because the later cars were no more rust prone than many other makes and they were quite good looking cars. Ironically because they were thought to be so at risk from corrosion many people who bought them had them the vehicles independently rust proofed by third party companies which led to many of them surviving for years.

The standard Beta saloon had that problem too. The engine fell out of the bottom of my dad’s 1600 on the A19. Luckily no-one was hurt.

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Bedrag Justesen
33 minutes ago, Virgil Caine said:

The crappy Soviet steel supposedly used to make them did not help either. 

The steel was high quality.

It was not treated to cope with UK climate.

Being transported here by ship aided early corrosion.

Some UK dealers desperately tried to combat the media reports with complimentary underseal and Waxoyl.

Later cars were partly, or even fully galvanised, which made them more impervious to rust than most competitors.  

 

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