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Crap car thread


UmBongo
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Virgil Caine
Just now, Bedrag Justesen said:

The steel was high quality.

It was not treated to cope with UK climate.

Being transported here by ship aided early corrosion.

Some UK dealers desperately tried to combat the media reports with complimentary underseal and Waxoyl.

Later cars were partly, or even fully galvanised, which made them more impervious to rust than most competitors.  

 

I think the story about the Soviet steel is a bit is an urban legend. 

They were genuinely prone to falling apart with some people just abandoning them on  the streets

I suspect if they had been bog standard cars no one would have paid much attention but Lancia had been a premium marque in the 1960s. 

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Chewing Grass
6 minutes ago, Bedrag Justesen said:

The steel was high quality.

It was not treated to cope with UK climate.

Being transported here by ship aided early corrosion.

Some UK dealers desperately tried to combat the media reports with complimentary underseal and Waxoyl.

Later cars were partly, or even fully galvanised, which made them more impervious to rust than most competitors.  

 

Watched that 260Z with 450 miles from new being cleaned by that AMMO dude from New York. Car was totally rust free due to dry storage but it was so revealing when they put the grille back on to see spot welds and no sealant, instant rust trap in the UK.

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Happy Renting
2 hours ago, SNACR said:

I think Douglas Bader said it was the finest machine he’d ever travelled in for a PR puff piece. He was in the Orson Welles doing voices in kids cartoons, desperate for money, type phase by then though most likely.

I think Bader said the Allegro was great when he put his foot down, with a very leggy engine when it got into it's stride..

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whitevanman

There are no crap cars, all cars are great as long as they work a bit. Even broken cars are great cos you can have lots of fun trying to fix them. 

 

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Basically all cars in the 70’s and 80’s were crap in comparison with modern cars 

Unreliable, rusty, dangerous in a crash. 
 

The prices being paid for for mk1 and mk2 Escorts is mental as they suffer from all of the above but just happen to be fashionable 

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2 minutes ago, Malthus said:

Basically all cars in the 70’s and 80’s were crap in comparison with modern cars 

Unreliable, rusty, dangerous in a crash. 
 

The prices being paid for for mk1 and mk2 Escorts is mental as they suffer from all of the above but just happen to be fashionable 

I reckon the best cars of that era were either Swedish, or German. They still rusted eventually.

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23 minutes ago, whitevanman said:

There are no crap cars, all cars are great as long as they work a bit. Even broken cars are great cos you can have lots of fun trying to fix them. 

 

Yeah, have fun with this Sebring Vanguard Citicar. 
image.jpeg.c4c2d55a468c7f11d9e6052ef3b85f28.jpeg

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The Grey Man

The Citroen AX.

I purchased one as my first car. It was crap. 67K on the clock. Bouncy on motorways. Suspension useless.

No power. About 997cc my version.

Got to 114k then would just overheat and stop. Two garages couldnt solve it so off it went to scrap.

However. As time went on my insurance dropped, as expected I guess for a first car. Fuel prices were great. A crap car done well.

mqdefault.jpg.23967c4ada7fdc84d8f1cc928270b7d1.jpg

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1 hour ago, One percent said:

A bit off tangent but does anyone remember white dogshit back in the day? 
 

Yep, so much better and as everyone knows brown dogshit never invents anything.

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3 minutes ago, The Grey Man said:

The Citroen AX.

I purchased one as my first car. It was crap. 67K on the clock. Bouncy on motorways. Suspension useless.

No power. About 997cc my version.

Got to 114k then would just overheat and stop. Two garages couldnt solve it so off it went to scrap.

However. As time went on my insurance dropped, as expected I guess for a first car. Fuel prices were great. A crap car done well.

mqdefault.jpg.23967c4ada7fdc84d8f1cc928270b7d1.jpg

One of my friends bought one new. The spare wheel got stolen several times.

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The Grey Man
1 minute ago, MrPin said:

One of my friends bought one new. The spare wheel got stolen several times.

Yep. I think it was under the boot on a metal frame. Easy access.

Mine was so beat up I had more chance of it being broke into and then being left a few quid inside out of sympathy.

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28 minutes ago, The Grey Man said:

The Citroen AX.

I purchased one as my first car. It was crap. 67K on the clock. Bouncy on motorways. Suspension useless.

No power. About 997cc my version.

Got to 114k then would just overheat and stop. Two garages couldnt solve it so off it went to scrap.

However. As time went on my insurance dropped, as expected I guess for a first car. Fuel prices were great. A crap car done well.

mqdefault.jpg.23967c4ada7fdc84d8f1cc928270b7d1.jpg

I had green AX Spree with 4 gears. I remember 60mph was a bit noisy. Very light and cheap to run though. 

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whitevanman
40 minutes ago, The Grey Man said:

The Citroen AX.

I purchased one as my first car. It was crap. 67K on the clock. Bouncy on motorways. Suspension useless.

No power. About 997cc my version.

Got to 114k then would just overheat and stop. Two garages couldnt solve it so off it went to scrap.

However. As time went on my insurance dropped, as expected I guess for a first car. Fuel prices were great. A crap car done well.

mqdefault.jpg.23967c4ada7fdc84d8f1cc928270b7d1.jpg

The Citroen AX was great. They had very soft, long travel suspension which gave them a smooth ride and lots of grip. My mate had a 1.1 which was quick, it's a very light car. About a decade ago I had a GTi which was fantastic to drive but ultimately succumbed to rust. They've all gone now.

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Bien Pensant
4 hours ago, UmBongo said:

I thought I'd pay homage to those cars that were dreadful, perceived as dreadful or the unsung heroes of the car world. @MrPin 's Skoda Estelle for example, which from a story he once told, was quite a hit with the ladies.

Videos, pictures and discussion

Let's start with the Austin Allegory. @Austin Allegro

 

My name is Bien Pensant

I really like the Austin Allegro Vanden Plas, it reminds me of FAB 1 from Thunderbirds and it makes me smile.

IMG_6936.jpg

420?cb=20170629105749

That is my confession.

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Bien Pensant
56 minutes ago, The Grey Man said:

The Citroen AX.

I purchased one as my first car. It was crap. 67K on the clock. Bouncy on motorways. Suspension useless.

No power. About 997cc my version.

Got to 114k then would just overheat and stop. Two garages couldnt solve it so off it went to scrap.

However. As time went on my insurance dropped, as expected I guess for a first car. Fuel prices were great. A crap car done well.

mqdefault.jpg.23967c4ada7fdc84d8f1cc928270b7d1.jpg

My mum had an AX, first car she ever got new.

I thought it was OK.

The manual choke was a bit retro for a car sold in the early '90s and the GRP (or whatever it was) boot-lid which the lock barrels always seemed to fall out of (like an office filing cabinet) was a bit crap but held together mechanically despite being, IRC, the cheapest car on the UK market at the time.

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swiss_democracy_for_all
3 hours ago, TheBlueCat said:

1980s Fiesta 950L. This one is a sort of dog shit brown colour, which is entirely appropriate:

JVC 491V - 1980 Ford Fiesta 950 L

It has such wonderful features as a cardboard parcel shelf that melted if it got wet and an engine so puny that the top speed was noticeably slower with a passenger onboard. It was also shockingly noisy and had a ride like a tractor. The girls did not, to my observation, like it at all.

Objection!

I had what was not necessarily the best but certainly the most irresponsible and therefore exciting blowjob in one of those while driving up the A1(M) late at night. I remember her shins knocking against the glovebox as she came, and fuck knows how I steered straight with my left hand. Suspect one or two lorry drivers saw more than they wanted, though if I say so myself we were both young and nubile, and would have made a pretty picture at the funeral!

It’s one of the reasons I try to be tolerant of young people who are a bit reckless and foolish, it’d be a bit hypocritical of me if I wasn’t!

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TheBlueCat
3 minutes ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

Objection!

I had what was not necessarily the best but certainly the most irresponsible and therefore exciting blowjob in one of those while driving up the A1(M) late at night. I remember her shins knocking against the glovebox as she came, and fuck knows how I steered straight with my left hand. Suspect one or two lorry drivers saw more than they wanted, though if I say so myself we were both young and nubile, and would have made a pretty picture at the funeral!

It’s one of the reasons I try to be tolerant of young people who are a bit reckless and foolish, it’d be a bit hypocritical of me if I wasn’t!

I don’t think mine had a glove box!

image.jpeg.2d459d06c8d7b1dfa2012a4a759a268b.jpeg

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Whowhywhen?
4 minutes ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

Objection!

I had what was not necessarily the best but certainly the most irresponsible and therefore exciting blowjob in one of those while driving up the A1(M) late at night. I remember her shins knocking against the glovebox as she came, and fuck knows how I steered straight with my left hand. Suspect one or two lorry drivers saw more than they wanted, though if I say so myself we were both young and nubile, and would have made a pretty picture at the funeral!

It’s one of the reasons I try to be tolerant of young people who are a bit reckless and foolish, it’d be a bit hypocritical of me if I wasn’t!

What were you doing with your right hand? Opening the window?

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swiss_democracy_for_all
1 minute ago, TheBlueCat said:

I don’t think mine had a glove box!

image.jpeg.2d459d06c8d7b1dfa2012a4a759a268b.jpeg

Mine was red outside, black interior, maybe the next model? It was definitely a 950 though and looked very similar on the outside. One odd thing is that I’ve been so long in left hand drive countries that in my mind I was on the left, steering with my left hand, but obviously that must be wrong. 

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swiss_democracy_for_all
5 minutes ago, Whowhywhen? said:

What were you doing with your right hand? Opening the window?

Yeah see above - must have been left hand, although my arms are very long that seems unfeasible. It’s a bit of a blur tbh, but a happy blur. 

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Whowhywhen?
6 minutes ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

Mine was red outside, black interior, maybe the next model? It was definitely a 950 though and looked very similar on the outside. One odd thing is that I’ve been so long in left hand drive countries that in my mind I was on the left, steering with my left hand, but obviously that must be wrong. 

Dude, if you can't remember from which side your cock was being sucked, you may as well throw in an extra lady into your addled memory to spruce things up a bit! At least you would have an excuse for your extra long hand!

Edited by Whowhywhen?
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TheBlueCat
3 minutes ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

Mine was red outside, black interior, maybe the next model? It was definitely a 950 though and looked very similar on the outside. One odd thing is that I’ve been so long in left hand drive countries that in my mind I was on the left, steering with my left hand, but obviously that must be wrong. 

The 950L was the absolute bottom of the range made deliberately nasty to persuade you to buy the next one up which was, possibly, the popular or popular plus. I believe it had such luxuries as an ash tray and a modicum of sound insulation.

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swiss_democracy_for_all
Just now, Whowhywhen? said:

Dude, if you can't remember from which side your cock was being sucked, you may as well throw in an extra lady into your confused imagination to spruce things up a bit!

I married her, somewhat foolishly, so there’s no confusion. But it’s nigh on 33 years ago. Funny thing, memory, I can remember the number plate but loads of other stuff is blurry. It was a young and foolish time. 

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