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Crap car thread


UmBongo
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Whowhywhen?
4 minutes ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

I married her, somewhat foolishly, so there’s no confusion. But it’s nigh on 33 years ago. Funny thing, memory, I can remember the number plate but loads of other stuff is blurry. It was a young and foolish time. 

The one in the passenger seat, or the one in the back benefitting from the extreme reach around?

We need Mrs Swiss in a FF Mk1 situation.  A sort of "Babe left or babe right" test.

Edited by Whowhywhen?
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swiss_democracy_for_all
Just now, Whowhywhen? said:

The one in the passenger seat, or the one in the back benefitting from the extreme reach around?

The (only) one in the passenger seat. Daft pair we were. Fortunately she lives on the other side of the planet now, so is very unlikely to be reading this and blushing, not that she was much of a blushing type. 

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1 hour ago, Bien Pensant said:

My name is Bien Pensant

I really like the Austin Allegro Vanden Plas, it reminds me of FAB 1 from Thunderbirds and it makes me smile.

IMG_6936.jpg

420?cb=20170629105749

That is my confession.

I’m afraid the hydragas suspension has shat itself again, m’lady.

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My Dad had a champagne supernova for years, couldn't kill the fucker although the heavy clutch had ruined his left knee for life :/

and no, there was nothing super about it except the sea of shit brown on the interior

B4B02A56-7FB9-46C1-85EE-4E2C3A53C45B.jpeg

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2 hours ago, Sugarlips said:

My Dad had a champagne supernova for years, couldn't kill the fucker although the heavy clutch had ruined his left knee for life :/

and no, there was nothing super about it except the sea of shit brown on the interior

B4B02A56-7FB9-46C1-85EE-4E2C3A53C45B.jpeg

Now you say it my notable memory of driving one was how bad the clutch was amongst a large selection of bad things about it to choose from satisfying almost all crap car criteria.

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37 minutes ago, SNACR said:

Now you say it my notable memory of driving one was how bad the clutch was amongst a large selection of bad things about it to choose from satisfying almost all crap car criteria.

Ford definately had it sussed for that size of car. More upmarket, the Carlton, and the Senator were good.

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MrLibertyRedux
11 hours ago, Popuplights said:

The Morris marina. My dad had a white one. They were selling this shit until 1980. In 1979 he bought a brand new vauxhall astra, the first boxy shape one. It was like a fucking space ship in comparison.

 

1974_Morris_Marina_DL_1.8_Front.jpg

Fucking not half. My old man had one, the reason being it was all he could afford after

9 hours ago, Virgil Caine said:

The early Lancia Beta Berlinas had a design fault which meant that when they were driven the mounting points on the rear of the front subframe would collect mud and water causing many to rust out in a few years. The crappy Soviet steel supposedly used to make them did not help either. They gained a fair bit of notoriety for this failing in the U.K. press in the early 1970s which was quite an achievement as there was stiff competition from British manufacturers to as to who could build cars that would rust to bits fastest as soon as they were driven off the garage forecourt. This reputation stalked the Lancia for years which was a shame rally because the later cars were no more rust prone than many other makes and they were quite good looking cars. Ironically because they were thought to be so at risk from corrosion many people who bought them had them the vehicles independently rust proofed by third party companies which led to many of them surviving for years.

 

9 hours ago, TheBlueCat said:

The standard Beta saloon had that problem too. The engine fell out of the bottom of my dad’s 1600 on the A19. Luckily no-one was hurt.

The engine fell out of his Lancia Beta.

Fortunately it happened while reversing out of the drive.

Mum had to drag him out of the Fiat dealership before he got arrested.

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The Grey Man
10 hours ago, Bien Pensant said:

My mum had an AX, first car she ever got new.

I thought it was OK.

The manual choke was a bit retro for a car sold in the early '90s and the GRP (or whatever it was) boot-lid which the lock barrels always seemed to fall out of (like an office filing cabinet) was a bit crap but held together mechanically despite being, IRC, the cheapest car on the UK market at the time.

I forgot about the boot "pistons"! 

One of mine seized up and I ended up shattering the rear glass! Dramatic but as I recall it was cheap as chips to fix.

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9 hours ago, Sugarlips said:

My Dad had a champagne supernova for years, couldn't kill the fucker although the heavy clutch had ruined his left knee for life :/

and no, there was nothing super about it except the sea of shit brown on the interior

B4B02A56-7FB9-46C1-85EE-4E2C3A53C45B.jpeg

Brilliant cars. Wish I still had mine.

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18 hours ago, Great Guy said:

I always find it a bit amazing that a standard modern Ford is about 100 times better than a Rolls Royce from 50 years ago....

Not really. I remember talking to a guy about what cars we fancied and he reckoned there was nothing to beat a Roller. When I asked him why he said that it was hand built and hence top quality. I said that I reckoned that hand built meant more random faults. The joke was, he was a chippy, and a damnit good one. He should have realised what hand made meant.

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17 hours ago, Malthus said:

Basically all cars in the 70’s and 80’s were crap in comparison with modern cars 

Unreliable, rusty, dangerous in a crash. 
 

The prices being paid for for mk1 and mk2 Escorts is mental as they suffer from all of the above but just happen to be fashionable 

The thing is a good RWD Escort is a thing of sheer delight to drive. It's a car for a driver as opposed to white goods for transportation.

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Don Coglione
19 hours ago, MrPin said:

One of my friends bought one new. The spare wheel got stolen several times.

My 2CV got broken into so many times at Stretford tram station that I left it unlocked.

The thieves turned up their noses at the 1970s speakers that lay under the front seats, as there was nowhere to mount them, so stole the jack and wheel-brace (Halfords specials) instead.

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Don Coglione
17 hours ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

Objection!

I had what was not necessarily the best but certainly the most irresponsible and therefore exciting blowjob in one of those while driving up the A1(M) late at night. I remember her shins knocking against the glovebox as she came, and fuck knows how I steered straight with my left hand. Suspect one or two lorry drivers saw more than they wanted, though if I say so myself we were both young and nubile, and would have made a pretty picture at the funeral!

It’s one of the reasons I try to be tolerant of young people who are a bit reckless and foolish, it’d be a bit hypocritical of me if I wasn’t!

I wanked a girl off whilst I was driving up the M6 in a camper van.

Cruising speed was 50mph, so passing coach-loads of OAPs sat on the left-hand side got an eyeful.

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swiss_democracy_for_all
1 minute ago, Don Coglione said:

I wanked a girl off whilst I was driving up the M6 in a camper van.

Cruising speed was 50mph, so passing coach-loads of OAPs sat on the left-hand side got an eyeful.

Glad I’m not the only one who was foolish when young! Very slack of her not to return the favour though. 

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hapax legomenon
5 hours ago, Herby said:

Alfa Romeo Arna - 50% Nissan and 50% Alfa Romeo. Japanese did the styling and Italians the electrics. What could go wrong?

 

https://www.autoexpress.co.uk/alfa-romeo/97620/alfa-romeo-arna-the-worst-cars-ever

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfa_Romeo_Arna

 

 

car_photo_250695.jpg

Looks like a rebadged Cherry, always fancied the Cherry Turbo

Rusty Old Rubbish: Motoring Misfits: Nissan Cherry Europe

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Don Coglione
3 minutes ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

Glad I’m not the only one who was foolish when young! Very slack of her not to return the favour though. 

That van was a bastard of a thing to keep in a straight line with one hand, too!

The favour was returned later...

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ninjaborrower
23 hours ago, Virgil Caine said:

I think the story about the Soviet steel is a bit is an urban legend. 

They were genuinely prone to falling apart with some people just abandoning them on  the streets

I suspect if they had been bog standard cars no one would have paid much attention but Lancia had been a premium marque in the 1960s. 

Didnt lancia have a bad reputation in the 80s for rust? Even though there cars looked fucking great

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15 minutes ago, ninjaborrower said:

Didnt lancia have a bad reputation in the 80s for rust? Even though there cars looked fucking great

Early Alfas, and Lancias not suited to northern Europe. The Stratos was stunning, and the Delta Integrale and Evolution were great rally cars against the Audi Quattro.. (IMHO)

 

lancia-stratos.jpeg

Lancia-Delta-Integrale-HF-EVO-2-Racing.jpg

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Chewing Grass

Now I've had to think long and hard to remember the model name.

Yugo Sana - Don't think there is a single one left in the UK as its not on the 'how many left' list.

 

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Bien Pensant
13 minutes ago, TheBlueCat said:

The ultimate proof that you can't put lipstick on a pig!

There's no accounting for taste but I actually do like it. It's probably a POS mechanically but I do quite like the shape.

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