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Van Lady

Family concerns...being the messenger..saying it!

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I find myself being the one who has the guts to deliver the message.....again!

Previously I've done it in job situations knowing it wouldn't be received well but could resign when TSHTF and walk away and did that. Shoot the messenger....shut them up. Yeh, I get it!

Current situation is a morbidly obese family member who is currently 'holidaying' In California. Been out there for two weeks being pushed around in a wheelchair but very unwell for the past three days. Due back on Wednesday this week.....if they make it!

This person weighs in, at a guess between 25-30 stone.

Sent the person's husband a really nice and heartfelt message very early this evening (early morning there) speaking up for the group of people concerned about and offering support for the morbidly obese person's welfare, p specifically helping them to lose weight when back home. An explicit statement was in the message about high possibility of premature death for this person if they don't lose weight because it's a realistic statement.

The group includes American friends shocked about the size and state of health of this person having not seen the person for seven years.

Shot down, berated and excluded for uttering the truth or recognised and embraced for willingness to be supportive?

I await the response with interest. Still waiting!

 

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You'll be excoriated for failing to see the person's inner beauty. Having been firmly rebuffed on pseudo medical reasons you will be accused of body shaming. Finally, having been made to pile the wood yourself, you will be burned at the stake for being shallow, sizeist, superficial, objectifying the person in question and possibly for being the person that shot Malalaa.

Enjoy the experience but never make the same mistake again.

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You did the right thing though of course. It's clearly the huge elephant in the room which you have just offered to help them shoot. But they will now say that they love elephants - and ask how could you even think of shooting it?! So you will be known as the would-be elephant murderer ... from hence forth.

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Replies have confirmed that I'm taking a huge huge risk in sending the message.

Deep deep down I suspect that the husband of the morbidly obese family member will fuck off permanently back to his roots when he gets his hands on a sizeable inheritance that is perhaps within grasp. Not certain though as the old boy could linger on for years!

Can't blame him, the husband. Who wants to run after and push a morbidly obese person about? Such is life!

After a week, on return from America, he is moving down there to look after his family member while morbidly obese wife visits him as and when circumstances allow.

A situation to watch!

 

 

 

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Something I've learned quite recently is never to underestimate the relationship dynamic involved in such situations - often the partner is a very willing accomplice even though they might do their best to have you believe otherwise. An example I found recently was where the other half of the morbidly obese person basically had a martyr complex, and would quite deliberately keep him fat even as she complained about all the work - including having to help him piss and shit because ended up so fat he actually lived in his arm chair and never left it for the last few years.

We're a strange bunch, us people.

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6 minutes ago, The Masked Tulip said:

Obese people usually have an enabler. Sounds like you emailed the enabler.

Sounds a bit like a movie where one of the characters lets the serial killer know that they are on to them.

It never ends well.

Normally the DHS.

Lazy, idle distant relative bitch. Farted around avoiding work - getting crap jobs then going off on sick.

Hobbies - telly and eating. 20st at 30.

Carried on eating. Got diabetes. Hooray! Now shes not just a lazy fat bitch. She has a proper illness.

Carried on eating. Leg had to removed.

Hooray DLA! Im a proper disabled person. Now I can spent my time protesting about disability issues and how the Tories are terrible. And I get a motobality car.

And I can just sit on my are and be pushed aorund, eating shit.

 

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Dont medicse being fat and obese - they are not ill they are greedy fuckers.

Heaklth system really need to crack the whip on obesity before it sinks the health care systems.

I dont what to be running a fuck fuckers support system. I want hositalas for kids with pans on thier heads and the like,., no some fat cunt to have a break.

UK needs to start charging a an extra health care cost of 2k/y for fat peole. And Im serious.

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2 minutes ago, spygirl said:

Dont medicse being fat and obese - they are not ill they are greedy fuckers.

Heaklth system really need to crack the whip on obesity before it sinks the health care systems.

I dont what to be running a fuck fuckers support system. I want hositalas for kids with pans on thier heads and the like,., no some fat cunt to have a break.

UK needs to start charging a an extra health care cost of 2k/y for fat peole. And Im serious.

I kind of agree but how will they pay when they've already spent all their benefits on pies?

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49 minutes ago, One percent said:

It also amazes me how many people I see who are relatively young with sticks and crutches. It's got to be a disability benny scam 

Yes - crutch - both physically and mentally.

All illness - bar being in an iron lung or clinical depression - should be prescribed work. Seriously.

Part of the the current problem with mental health funding is connected to the millions claiming depression or anxiety to scam DLA.

 

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My sister posted a photo of her boyfriend asleep face down in his dinner on Fb.
She needed someone to tell her to kick him into touch as drunk dad is not something I want my niece to suffer. So I gave that job to our dad.
She didn't speak to me for about 3 years. But she did kick him into touch for a while. I think he drinks a lot still but not quite to the excess he did.

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Well, I haven't been roasted.

I don't think the husband is a feeder type. He has health problems of his own and really needs to lose some weight but nowhere as much as the wife needs to lose. They both have bad eating habits.

Before the American holiday there was a short mention of them addressing weight loss when they got back so the family is not going in cold.

Morbidly obese person has been ill and stuck inside for almost a week so having holiday spoilt might help in kick starting a weight loss programme. She has attempted weight loss before and lost a few stone but fell by the wayside so she can do it.

Perhaps if we had supported her more she would have carried on? Anyway we have some good ideas to support her. We'll see when they return.

Edited by Economic Exile

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2 minutes ago, BigV said:

Genuine question - does the chubby one have to pay for 2 seats on the plane?

She had to buy more expensive seats with more room and was allocated an end seat. My daughter went with them and she was in the economy section which was quite a lot cheaper but I don't know the exact prices.

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2 hours ago, BigV said:

Genuine question - does the chubby one have to pay for 2 seats on the plane?

I discovered that the budget airlines aisle side armrest will raise by pushing a button underneath. Would it be rude to walk down the aisle and point this out to all the fatties with their lovehandles hanging over the top?

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21 hours ago, Economic Exile said:

I find myself being the one who has the guts to deliver the message.....again!

Previously I've done it in job situations knowing it wouldn't be received well but could resign when TSHTF and walk away and did that. Shoot the messenger....shut them up. Yeh, I get it!

Current situation is a morbidly obese family member who is currently 'holidaying' In California. Been out there for two weeks being pushed around in a wheelchair but very unwell for the past three days. Due back on Wednesday this week.....if they make it!

This person weighs in, at a guess between 25-30 stone.

Sent the person's husband a really nice and heartfelt message very early this evening (early morning there) speaking up for the group of people concerned about and offering support for the morbidly obese person's welfare, p specifically helping them to lose weight when back home. An explicit statement was in the message about high possibility of premature death for this person if they don't lose weight because it's a realistic statement.

The group includes American friends shocked about the size and state of health of this person having not seen the person for seven years.

Shot down, berated and excluded for uttering the truth or recognised and embraced for willingness to be supportive?

I await the response with interest. Still waiting!

 

 

Sorry you're being treated like this. It's bloody horrid when family berate you when you're trying to do the right thing.

 

I'm currently the bad one in my family for looking out for my dear old dad.

 

My mum died nearly 2 years ago. She was my dads world, he adored her, they were married for 60 years.

Since she died he's developed dementia.

Although he's still in his own home and still driving!  At 83 it's only going deteriorate :(

 

My brother for his own reasons lives there. A martyr apparently caring for mum then dad. o.O

He runs a business from there, pays no rent, benefits from low/no fuel bills, stores a sizeable bit of cash there and gets to cruise round in my dad brand new mobility car. Whilst pocketing rents from several BTL's .

 

My dads condition has already worsened. I've pushed for over a year to get dad into sheltered accommodation near by where he would still be able to have some independence and  see the grandkids more often. Social care would also be better near by.

 

By my cabal of 3 siblings I've been put off and blocked time and again.

 

I called my dad the other night to say sorry I couldn't come round with Lily, my daughter, his granddaughter.

My brother came in from work in the background not knowing I was on the line..."How many times have I told you not to leave the fucking taps running"

I ask dad to put bro on

I gently said I know living with dementia is stressful but swearing at dad is not likely to make it better. At which point martyr mode ensued...

 

"You don't know hard it is to live this every bloody day, its a nightmare" etc etc

 

I replied I have a 10 year daughter and  work full time in a job....where an error could result in some ones death.

I also have a 15 stepdaugher with a bitch mother from hell and

I have Aspergers which fucking you refused acknowledge which I have too take medication in order to function and go me I've never claimed benefits

 

I backed off but thought....

Well get dad to fucking sheltered accommodation then!!!!!!!!

 

 

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