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TheBlueCat

The Worst Holiday I Ever Had

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1 minute ago, TheBlueCat said:

Inspired by the Dubai thread, what's the worst holiday you've ever had? Here's mine:

Back in my early twenties I accepted an offer from a friend to go with him and some others to stay in his parents "villa" (I'll come to that) in Spain. The deal was him and his girlfriend plus me and two of our join (male) friends, a load of beer and some musical instruments (we all played in bands of various sorts). Anyway, long story short, the two friends dropped out right at the last minute so it was me, this guy and his girlfriend. Anyway, after the flight and what seemed like a 10 hour drive in an ancient and frankly dangerous Fiat 124 taxi we got to the "villa" in the middle of the night. Villa, my arse, more like cow shed! The rooms, such as they were, were separated by something thinner and weaker than hardboard and, aside from some electric lights, the only concession to modern living was a butler sink with one cold water tap. There was a roughly constructed swimming pool but it didn't have any water in it for some vague reason. Anyway, next morning I got up and figured out that 1) we had absolutely no transport other than shanks pony (there was a taxi booked to get us back at the end of the week but no local service apparently), 2) the only place to buy food was a one room shack type place a mile or so away and 3) the shack, when we reached it, had run out of beer.

I got to spend a week sweating it out in 100 degrees of heat with no air-con, pool or even a shower whilst this guy, who I never actually talked to again, shagged his girlfriend senseless for a couple of hours each evening at the other end of the shed with every single grunt and squelch perfectly audible in the near silence. Oh, and I was bitten to shreds by mosquitoes to add the final insult.

xD

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A friend of mine and his disabled dad - British of educated Pakistani origin - visited Kuwait the day before Saddam invaded. They spent their holiday looking out of the window at Iraqi soldiers looting, blowing things up and so on.

After several weeks of this they were in a right pickle. Running out of food and water, and hearing that people were being rounded up, they decided to risk it all by getting in their hire car and driving north to Iraq with a plan to drive over to Syria or Jordan. At various points they had Iraqi soldiers pointing guns into their car at their faces whilst screaming at them and wondering whether the NATO aircraft flying above them were going to blow them up.

They lived to tell me the tale.

Some years later my friend, who you would swear was Bin Laden's twin, found himself in the US on the September 9th, 2001.

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1 minute ago, The Masked Tulip said:

A friend of mine and his disabled dad - British of educated Pakistani origin - visited Kuwait the day before Saddam invaded. They spent their holiday looking out of the window at Iraqi soldiers looting, blowing things up and so on.

After several weeks of this they were in a right pickle. Running out of food and water, and hearing that people were being rounded up, they decided to risk it all by getting in their hire car and driving north to Iraq with a plan to drive over to Syria or Jordan. At various points they had Iraqi soldiers pointing guns into their car at their faces whilst screaming at them and wondering whether the NATO aircraft flying above them were going to blow them up.

They lived to tell me the tale.

Some years later my friend, who you would swear was Bin Laden's twin, found himself in the US on the September 9th, 2001.

You'd have to go some to beat that.

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2 minutes ago, The Masked Tulip said:

A friend of mine and his disabled dad - British of educated Pakistani origin - visited Kuwait the day before Saddam invaded. They spent their holiday looking out of the window at Iraqi soldiers looting, blowing things up and so on.

After several weeks of this they were in a right pickle. Running out of food and water, and hearing that people were being rounded up, they decided to risk it all by getting in their hire car and driving north to Iraq with a plan to drive over to Syria or Jordan. At various points they had Iraqi soldiers pointing guns into their car at their faces whilst screaming at them and wondering whether the NATO aircraft flying above them were going to blow them up.

They lived to tell me the tale.

Some years later my friend, who you would swear was Bin Laden's twin, found himself in the US on the September 9th, 2001.

Definitely scarier than my experience!

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3 hours ago, TheBlueCat said:

Inspired by the Dubai thread, what's the worst holiday you've ever had? Here's mine:

Back in my early twenties I accepted an offer from a friend to go with him and some others to stay in his parents "villa" (I'll come to that) in Spain. The deal was him and his girlfriend plus me and two of our join (male) friends, a load of beer and some musical instruments (we all played in bands of various sorts). Anyway, long story short, the two friends dropped out right at the last minute so it was me, this guy and his girlfriend. Anyway, after the flight and what seemed like a 10 hour drive in an ancient and frankly dangerous Fiat 124 taxi we got to the "villa" in the middle of the night. Villa, my arse, more like cow shed! The rooms, such as they were, were separated by something thinner and weaker than hardboard and, aside from some electric lights, the only concession to modern living was a butler sink with one cold water tap. There was a roughly constructed swimming pool but it didn't have any water in it for some vague reason. Anyway, next morning I got up and figured out that 1) we had absolutely no transport other than shanks pony (there was a taxi booked to get us back at the end of the week but no local service apparently), 2) the only place to buy food was a one room shack type place a mile or so away and 3) the shack, when we reached it, had run out of beer.

I got to spend a week sweating it out in 100 degrees of heat with no air-con, pool or even a shower whilst this guy, who I never actually talked to again, shagged his girlfriend senseless for a couple of hours each evening at the other end of the shed with every single grunt and squelch perfectly audible in the near silence. Oh, and I was bitten to shreds by mosquitoes to add the final insult.

Sorry but lol x 10!

Can't top that.

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11 hours ago, TheBlueCat said:

Inspired by the Dubai thread, what's the worst holiday you've ever had? Here's mine:

Back in my early twenties I accepted an offer from a friend to go with him and some others to stay in his parents "villa" (I'll come to that) in Spain. The deal was him and his girlfriend plus me and two of our join (male) friends, a load of beer and some musical instruments (we all played in bands of various sorts). Anyway, long story short, the two friends dropped out right at the last minute so it was me, this guy and his girlfriend. Anyway, after the flight and what seemed like a 10 hour drive in an ancient and frankly dangerous Fiat 124 taxi we got to the "villa" in the middle of the night. Villa, my arse, more like cow shed! The rooms, such as they were, were separated by something thinner and weaker than hardboard and, aside from some electric lights, the only concession to modern living was a butler sink with one cold water tap. There was a roughly constructed swimming pool but it didn't have any water in it for some vague reason. Anyway, next morning I got up and figured out that 1) we had absolutely no transport other than shanks pony (there was a taxi booked to get us back at the end of the week but no local service apparently), 2) the only place to buy food was a one room shack type place a mile or so away and 3) the shack, when we reached it, had run out of beer.

I got to spend a week sweating it out in 100 degrees of heat with no air-con, pool or even a shower whilst this guy, who I never actually talked to again, shagged his girlfriend senseless for a couple of hours each evening at the other end of the shed with every single grunt and squelch perfectly audible in the near silence. Oh, and I was bitten to shreds by mosquitoes to add the final insult.

Shame you aren't blessed with Swissy Fit's good looks and devilish grin, or they'd have invited you to join in for a week-long threesome [*]!

[*] Seems he has form for being propositioned by couples while on holiday.

Edited by DeepLurker

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16 minutes ago, Sgt Hartman said:

Jesus, this pains me to even recall it.

My camping holiday with the soon to be divorced.

When I was in my twenties, Mrs H had a friend who was married and they invited us on a 'camping' holiday in France for a week. At this point, I was looking to ask Mrs H for her hand - what better place than France! I had visions of camping in orchards, red wine, lovely cheese and a bit of Mills 'n Boon romance.

Unfortunately the romance had long gone from her mates marriage and I think it would be safe to say they absolutely hated each other. Misery loves company so they asked us along.

[/snip]

Great post, Sergeant! xD

You do write some colourful and entertaining posts. :)

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22 minutes ago, DeepLurker said:

Shame you aren't blessed with Swissy Fit's good looks and devilish grin, or they'd have invited you to join in for a week-long threesome [*]!

[*] Seems he has form for being propositioned by couples while on holiday.

Haha once! Hardly a long history... Think it was more down to the filthy looking bored burd of the young couple being bi and fancying a bit of the missus anyway. And they were French - I'm told that in certain resorts in the South of France this kind of proposition happens to couples all the time, Cap Agde is one but there are others. 

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4 hours ago, Thombleached said:

I'm now unconscious and in rather a bad condition but my legs aren't broken and I can walk but can't see  anything and I wasn't making any sense when trying to communicate. Matt carries me back to the apartment where the ambulance is called. 

'kin hell! I am beginning to feel grateful for my minor level of holiday trauma.

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8 hours ago, DeepLurker said:

Shame you aren't blessed with Swissy Fit's good looks and devilish grin, or they'd have invited you to join in for a week-long threesome [*]!

[*] Seems he has form for being propositioned by couples while on holiday.

<<shudder>> Even 30 of years later, the thought of a threesome with those two is enough to make me a little bit sick in my mouth. I guess he was a decent enough looking guy if you're into that sort of thing but she was a pug-ugly troll. It wasn't until I heard the awful reality of their unquestionably debauched and possibly physically dangerous sex marathons that I realised what he saw in her (you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're stoking the fire it seems).

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10 hours ago, Thombleached said:

[...]

Back in the apartment I noticed in the mirror that I had a slight bruise and cut to my face. This we used as reason enough to go out and find the fuckers.

[...]

Looking back I'm still not sure which of these three set me on the path to the ICU

1) I looked like a tit and stood out a mile

2) dancing with the large girl early on

3) I was a big lad then and would have looked like good sport for a ruckus

 

4/ Going out and looking for trouble.

Edited by Turned Out Nice Again

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12 hours ago, Sgt Hartman said:

Jesus, this pains me to even recall it.

My camping holiday with the soon to be divorced.

Ah! That sounds familiar. I usually manage to make the best of the bleakest of situations but a week in Tenby with my soon-to-be-ex- wife and the kids just after she'd announced that we ought to split up stands out.

Highlights included separate bedrooms, constant rattiness from her and obvious slights like wandering away with the kids every time I was distracted to my being excluded from every holiday snap.

Edited by Turned Out Nice Again

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It was the best holiday because it was so varied, in separate incidents i) for 24 hours I was kidnapped by drug runners, ii) I was involved in an RTA when a car tried to overtake me and flipped and passed me on its side James Bond style with various bits of bodies leaving it,  iii) I had an intimate experience with a massive crocodile in a dugout canoe, iv) I got salmonella, v) I very nearly got stabbed in a nightclub because I happened to be ogling the local drug dealers GF, how was I to know?

The worse was a two week holiday that turned into just 24 hours because it was so grim at the start. Anyone who as driven down Baja from Tijuana might understand. You are advised not to be on the road after closing time at the pub at the end of the road where the tarmac runs out, which is because the road form there  back to Tijuana turns into a race track. You can see the evidence of this in the burned out wrecks of cars in pairs one either side of the road at regular intervals. All the way down the sky was filled with circling black frigate birds. When I pulled off to set up camp I  found out why, even the fish had given up with life in Baja. There had been a massive anoxia event and the coastline was one rotting stinking mass. I turned round and crossed back to the US while avoiding being sold a parrot in a paper bag at the border crossing. Having said that, I still want to visit Baja and am now cross that I didn't persist then.

Edited by Hopeful

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4 minutes ago, Hail the Tripod said:

I know someone who has been (properly) shipwrecked 3 times and also been on a plane that crash landed. I don't travel with her!

Don't get on the back of her motorbike.:CryBaby:

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2 hours ago, Hail the Tripod said:

I know someone who has been (properly) shipwrecked 3 times and also been on a plane that crash landed. I don't travel with her!

I used to have a boss like that. Once his plane went straight off the end of the runway and across a road. His luggage routinely disappeared and came back weeks later covered in exotic stickers.

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