• Welcome to DOSBODS

    Please consider creating a free account to be able to access all the features of the DOSBODS community. It only takes 20 seconds!

Sign in to follow this  
JoeDavola

Intimate, Private, Personal Moments

Recommended Posts

No, not those ones, you filth mongers.

Now I realize this is probably a generational thing, so maybe those of you with kids will be able to explain it, and I'm not having a go at the poor girl in question, who has lost her mum at a very young age.

Saw this article on the So-Called BBC site:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-41865716

Woman dies from cancer and leaves each of her kids a letter. The letter is printed in full for everyone to see, along with a snapchat selfie that her daughter took when the poor woman was at death's door:

Hannah with her mother Peggy

Now firstly, and with all due respect, there's a kind of macabre humor about this shot. I don't quite know how to put it into words without being disrespectful.

But my question is, why? Why do people feel this is not only a selfie moment, but one to share with the world? Not having a go, or trying to work against my gut instinct to do so. Is this how this generation copes with things, by sharing everything with everyone?

Edited by JoeDavola

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, spunko2010 said:

I don't have kids but lost my dad a few years ago, he looked awful like this lady. I did consider taking a last photo with him but my mum said not to, because I should remember him looking healthy and happy. 

That said I don't think it's fair to judge the girl for trying to find pleasure in something so devastating and for sharing that with her friends. Sorry to sound like a piuos Mumsnet user but until you lose a parent  or very close loved one and have to watch them languishing in hospital with nothing you can to do to help,  you can't possibly understand the emotions involved. 

Sorry for your loss.

Wasn't having a go at the girl, just trying to understand; I'm very private, perhaps too much so, and this all seems so alien to me.

Perhaps she's coping with it in a healthier way than I would.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, JoeDavola said:

Sorry for your loss.

Wasn't having a go at the girl, just trying to understand; I'm very private, perhaps too much so, and this all seems so alien to me.

Perhaps she's coping with it in a healthier way than I would.

I think there's a lot of over sharing generally. So many people, particularly the youngsters, think they're starring in their own movie and that everyone else is interested in watching it. Personally, I couldn't give a shit. 

Nowt wrong with being private. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, JoeDavola said:

Sorry for your loss.

Wasn't having a go at the girl, just trying to understand; I'm very private, perhaps too much so, and this all seems so alien to me.

Perhaps she's coping with it in a healthier way than I would.

At a guess I'd say that she spends a lot of time taking selfies with friends and refers back to them as they remind her of positive experiences etc. Perhaps she wanted to find or create such a thing out of this. Misguided maybe in hindsight but the brain acts in strange ways in such situations. 

The other thing is you only realise how few photos you have of someone once they're dead or dying. 

 

FWIW I've only taken about 10 selfies in my life and am also very private. But she looks about half my age.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
29 minutes ago, spunko2010 said:

I don't have kids but lost my dad a few years ago, he looked awful like this lady. I did consider taking a last photo with him but my mum said not to, because I should remember him looking healthy and happy. 

That said I don't think it's fair to judge the girl for trying to find pleasure in something so devastating and for sharing that with her friends. Sorry to sound like a piuos Mumsnet user but until you lose a parent  or very close loved one and have to watch them languishing in hospital with nothing you can to do to help,  you can't possibly understand the emotions involved. 

I have a tiny video clip of my dad just after he got his diagnosis. I haven't shared it with mum because I think he looks quite ill then and thin. And I think the earlier memories of him are better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, JoeDavola said:

Sorry for your loss.

Wasn't having a go at the girl, just trying to understand; I'm very private, perhaps too much so, and this all seems so alien to me.

Perhaps she's coping with it in a healthier way than I would.

Not sure this is anything new, Victorians used to take photos of dead relatives, it's just the technology has moved on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have photos of my dad when undergoing cancer treatment, showing the signs and scars of that battle; I wouldn't dream of putting those online or sharing them - important to remember people at their best. It is a sign that young people don't have enough life experience, don't have an appropriateness filter.

Over-sharing is a thing.

Similarly my FB friends seem to share Missing Person posts of people they neither know not live anywhere near. It is another form of virtue-signalling and self-aggrandisement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
33 minutes ago, spunko2010 said:

The other thing is you only realise how few photos you have of someone once they're dead or dying. 

Yes this thought had occurred to me with my family. I'll be 34 soon and I don't think I have any photos of me as an adult with both my parents all in one photo. I don't think we have any photos of my brother, myself,and both my parents...certainly not since we were kids. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, Dipsy said:

Not sure this is anything new, Victorians used to take photos of dead relatives, it's just the technology has moved on.

I don't see anything wrong with the photos or letters but why the need to share this stuff on Facebook, or worse, in a newspaper. I don't wish to read anyone else's final words to a loved one anymore than I'd want them to read mine. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Sgt Hartman said:

Can't speak for the girl involved as I have no experience of it. I do have two kids though and I do find some of the stuff that people post online about their own growing up to be a bit sad. Not sad in the pathetic sense but it genuinely makes me unhappy to think that for some people, there isn't a special moment in their childs existence that they don't feel that they have to share with the world.

A mate recently posted a section of skype call between her one year old and her father who was overseas. It was her birthday and he was missing it. He was in bits. That really doesn't need sharing IMO

Birthdays, first teeth, first steps, first crap on the potty, first day at school all online. Why?

Thing is, apart from close family, nobody really gives a shit so what's the point? Fair enough if people want to live out their own lives online but to do it to their small children is out of order IMO.

I keep my children offline. Fucks sake I'll have enough on my plate with it when they are teenagers undoubtably so I'll let them keep their offline innocence for now.

 

Same here. Before we had our son, I'd find everyone else's baby news and photos on Facebook tedious as fuck. I assumed the reverse would also be true, so I posted about the birth and that was it. Very occasionally, if he does something incredibly funny, I might mention it.

There's also the point that he's not choosing to publicise himself so I feel it a bit rude to make that decision for him. Not in an "I ask my baby for permission before I pick him up" kinda way, it's just respecting his right to privacy on the internet which is something I feel strongly about.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Remember how we used to laugh at Japanese tourists in the 80s, walking around seeing things through the lens of their video camera, not even seeing what they came to see. That.

And I have had loved ones die on me, smiling by their deathbed is not normal, nowhere near

Edited by Panther

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, spunko2010 said:

I don't have kids but lost my dad a few years ago, he looked awful like this lady. I did consider taking a last photo with him but my mum said not to, because I should remember him looking healthy and happy. 

That said I don't think it's fair to judge the girl for trying to find pleasure in something so devastating and for sharing that with her friends. Sorry to sound like a piuos Mumsnet user but until you lose a parent  or very close loved one and have to watch them languishing in hospital with nothing you can to do to help,  you can't possibly understand the emotions involved. 

Quite right too bro. Someone I loved died a while back and I went to see her on her death bed as it were. I remember thinking as I walked out of the hospital after seeing her for the last time, that I wouldn't remember her like that; I would remember her as she was before her illness. And I have done, even if I try, I cant really picture her looking ill, but if I had a picture, it would be there as a reminder.

I would want people to remember me not in sickness, but in health too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone mentioned Victorian postmortem photography. Here's an example, the boy is dead and his family decided to get a pic of him with his sister.

Absolutedly bizarre and child cruelty from our perspective. Imagine telling the sister "yeah, hold on a sec while we put the arm of your dead brother around you".

 

 

image.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Panther said:

Remember how we used to laugh at Japanese tourists in the 80s, walking around seeing things through the lens of their video camera, not even seeing what they came to see. That.

And I have had loved ones die on me, smiling by their deathbed is not normal, nowhere near

This I don't get. Being at a major event, sports, concert etc and watching it all through a 4" screen so you can post it on FB later? Its all about showing you've been there, not actually being there and experiencing it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.