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The XYY Man

The No-Topic Thread

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Earlier tonight, I slightly pissed-off a poster I like very much by some of my irrelevant, way off-topic, foul-mouthed comments on his thread.

I have publicly apologised for that, and I believe the matter has been resolved amicably.

But my faux pas has got me thinking that we need a thread where you can say any old shite that comes into your head, as there is - literally - no topic.

And this threads is it...!

Talk any old bollocks - about anything you want. Swear your cunt off, and get rid of the pent-up anger. Argue, put the world to rights, or just vent your spleen. 

Think of it as the type of conversation you might encounter down the pub. Most of us will be half-pissed by now anyway - so it doesn't take that much of a leap-of-faith for you to join me for a pint in the "XYY Arms" now does it...?

I'll kick it off...

 

Why is it that have we started DOSBODS versions of a few very popular hpc off-topic threads - scrapper burds, Islam and celebrity deaths etc - but not the kiddie-fiddler one...?

I loved the couple of days we got lots of Cliff Richard songs into the thread before "The Moderators" twigged our wizard-wheeze, and deleted them.

Surely some fucker should start a DOSBODS version of the Jimmy Savile appreciation society...?

Discuss.

Or fucking don't.

The choice is yours fuck-face...

;)

 

XYY

 

 

 

 

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1 minute ago, The XYY Man said:

Earlier tonight, I slightly pissed-off a poster I like very much by some of my irrelevant, way off-topic, foul-mouthed comments on his thread.

I have publicly apologised for that, and I believe the matter has been resolved amicably.

But my faux pas has got me thinking that we need a thread where you can say any old shite that comes into your head, as there is - literally - no topic.

And this threads is it...!

Talk any old bollocks - about anything you want. Swear your cunt off, and get rid of the pent-up anger. Argue, put the world to rights, or just vent your spleen.

Think of it as the type of conversation you might encounter down the pub. Most of us will be half-pissed by now anyway - so it doesn't take that much of a leap-of-faith for you to join me for a pint in the "XYY Arms" now does it...?

I'll kick it off...

 

Why is it that have we started DOSBODS versions of a few very popular hpc off-topic threads - scrapper burds, Islam and celebrity deaths etc - but not the kiddie-fiddler one...?

I loved the couple of days we got lots of Cliff Richard songs into the thread before "The Moderators" twigged our wizard-wheeze, and deleted them.

Surely some fucker should start a DOSBODS version of the Jimmy Savile appreciation society...?

Discuss.

Or fucking don't.

The choice is yours fuck-face...

;)

 

XYY

 

 

 

 

Aw fuck - he's had half a bottle of Co-op whisky and he's putting the world to bastard rights...!

I'm off down the fuckin' bingo...

 

Mrs XYY

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Just now, Mrs XYY said:

Aw fuck - he's had half a bottle of Co-op whisky and he's putting the world to bastard rights...!

I'm off down the fuckin' bingo...

 

Mrs XYY

He's very naughty boy and you should be giving him a good spanking.

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42 minutes ago, Chewing Grass said:

I've just reversed my furry A-hole onto a stray branch sticking out of the hawthorn hedge whilst trying to relieve a persitant itch, what should I do next.

Learn the trombone and join the Salvation fuckin' Army is the best suggestion that I can come up with....

 

Mrs XYY

 

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1 hour ago, Turned Out Nice Again said:

Inter Pin here, will you?

I will Nicey.

Not sure he'll be too pleased when I "inter" him - but at least his legendary South African accent may help him to make some sense of it all...

 

XYY

 

Edited by The XYY Man

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3 hours ago, onlyme said:

He's very naughty boy and you should be giving him a good spanking.

I might.

But just not tonight...

 

Mrs XYY

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Well I had hoped for a busy first night for my virtual-pub - but there's hardly been a soul in all night. Might as well close-up.

Time gentlemen please - let's see all yer glasses...

 

XYY

 

 

 

Edited by The XYY Man

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Are we open for business yet? I once worked in a wetherspoons and they'd be queuing up at half ten. 

I had to wear a tie, I remember that because one fateful year I had to work New Year's Eve. 

All of the towns movers and shakers were there, a truly delightful calibre of people, what could go wrong? We were set for a night of merriment and intellectual stimulation. 

There I was collecting glasses from the high-class patrons when a fair maiden, who couldn't be older than 60 beckoned me over with some frantic waving. 

She then stubbed out her cigarette elegantly and grabbed me by my tie and said in a dulcet tone "giz a snog sexy". Before I could react she pulled me violently towards her and tongued me. 

 

And thats why wetherspoons staff no longer have to wear ties. 

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We are now open for business.

Today's guest ales are Wells' "Waggle Dance" - a beer with honey as one of the ingredients weighing in at 5% abv - and "1698", a bottle-conditioned Kentish strong ale from Shepherd Neame that tips the alcohol scales at a decent 6.5%.

Help yourself to the nuts, pickled-onions and black pudding on the bar - and keep your hands off Moira the barmaid's pendulous tits, or you're fucking barred...!

Now then sir, what can I get you...?

 

XYY

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Just now, The XYY Man said:

Help yourself to the nuts, pickled-onions and black pudding on the bar - and keep your hands off Moira the barmaid's pendulous tits, or you're fucking barred...!


Aye, and you'll keep yours off the fuckers too if you know what's good for you shit-for-brains...!


Mrs XYY

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1 minute ago, Chewing Grass said:

There truly is something fascinating about a pair of long saggy penduluming free-range knockers.

If you line a few of them up can you recreate Newton's cradle? That would be fun.

Edited by Cunning Plan

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15 minutes ago, Sgt Hartman said:

*drinks pint*

Anyone watch that 'Nightly show' last night? What a load of fucking bollocks that was. Joe Pasquale in the buff just about put me off my ale.

*Makes distant looking face...pushes away beer*

Joe Pasquale.

What a cunt...

 

XYY

11 minutes ago, Chewing Grass said:

There truly is something fascinating about a pair of long saggy penduluming free-range knockers.

With you on that one Chewy.

Same again...?

 

XYY

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11 minutes ago, Cunning Plan said:

If you line a few of them up can you recreate Newton's cradle? That would be fun.

Great idea Cunny - but being big, round, soft, fluffy orbs of joy rather than the traditional steel balls, they wouldn't make any noise as they collide with their neighbouring mammary gland.

You'd need to dub a suitable tit-impact sound over the top to make the idea viable mate.

 Sorry sir, what flavour crisps did you want...?

 

XYY

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Just now, Cunning Plan said:

Do you have any broccoli and quinoa?

Sorry sir, no demand in here.

I'd try the Fat Cock and Arsecrack over the road if I were you sir.

Well actually that's not true.

I'd not go in there if you fucking paid me...

 

XYY

 

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1 minute ago, Cunning Plan said:

Bugger. Mind if I smoke?

I'll be offended if you fucking don't...!

That skinny bloke near the juke-box will sort you with some weed.at very reasonable rates.

Oh, excuse me sir....

OY, DAFT CUNT - GET THE FUCK OF THAT POOL TABLE AND PULL YOUR FUCKING TROLLIES UP...!!!

...Sorry about that sir - another pint...?

 

 

XYY

 

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