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Mrs XYY

Mrs XYYs Sexual Problems Page

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I think you repressed bastards need some solid advice about your sexual perversions from someone who has been there, sucked that, and shat all over the T-shirt.

So post me your problems - and I'll give you some straight-forward, common sense, down-to-earth, no fucking nonsense advice.

And piss my self laughing at you in the process.

So come on all you limp-dicked mother-fuckers - hit me with your jism stick...!

 

Mrs XYY

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1 minute ago, The XYY Man said:

Dear Mrs XYY,

My wife doesn't understand me.

 

XYY

That's because you're a gibbering demented old cunt.

Next...

 

Mrs XYY

 

Edited by Mrs XYY

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Was  happily cycling along the towpath, giving the dog a walk (well brisk run) and an image popped into my head - girl bent over, starkers apart from a pair of flowery wellies. Can't say it was a disappointing apparition. Am I weird?

 

 

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Not me, for a forum friend who's name will rename anonymous.

Someones wanked themselves so numb that they did not grt a rise out of my Kate Upton does Britney post.

And he wonders why he cant get a girl.

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5 minutes ago, onlyme said:

Was  happily cycling along the towpath, giving the dog a walk (well brisk run) and an image popped into my head - girl bent over, starkers apart from a pair of flowery wellies. Can't say it was a disappointing apparition. Am I weird?

You have an avatar featuring a sheep with a bucket on its head.

Of course you're fucking weird...

 

Next...

Mrs XYY

 

2 minutes ago, spygirl said:

Not me, for a forum friend who's name will rename anonymous.

Someones wanked themselves so numb that they did not grt a rise out of my Kate Upton does Britney post.

And he wonders why he cant get a girl.

Sounds like a right cunt.

Anyway, you have beautiful tits - if you ever fancy some hot lezza action, give me a shout...

 

Next...

Mrs XYY

Edited by Mrs XYY

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14 minutes ago, Mrs XYY said:

You have an avatar featuring a sheep with a bucket on its head.

Of course you're fucking weird...

 

Next...

Mrs XYY

 

Sounds like a right cunt.

Anyway, you have beautiful tits - if you ever fancy some hot lezza action, give me a shout...

 

Next...

Mrs XYY

Ahh, i see you game.

Shave your chest, put on a badly fitting wig, then go down to the local lezza meetup and try and pull a lip stick lezza.

Also known as the Sandi Tosvik method.

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Dear Mrs XYY,

On Friday, my wife is making me go to the Harry Potter museum thingy in Watford for the day. I'd rather spend the day slamming my own head in my car door, but if I don't go, I won't get any all weekend.

What is the minimum level of perversion should I settle for as my reward, and what would be a reasonable maximum target to aim for?

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1 minute ago, Fully Detached said:

Dear Mrs XYY,

On Friday, my wife is making me go to the Harry Potter museum thingy in Watford for the day. I'd rather spend the day slamming my own head in my car door, but if I don't go, I won't get any all weekend.

What is the minimum level of perversion should I settle for as my reward, and what would be a reasonable maximum target to aim for?

Interesting problem Mister Detached.

I would suggest at least some tea-bagging with a decent reach-around as a bare minimum for suffering the bespectacled wizardy cunt.

But if your lady has any morals at all, a full-on "Boston Steamer" would seem a fair trade to me.

 

Next...

Mrs XYY

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2 minutes ago, Fully Detached said:

Quality advice, Mrs. XYY.

At least, I think so. Need to google some of it first. Well, all of it actually.

Holy shit, you filthy old cow!

I'm going to need a crash helmet when I suggest this...

I think you might have a crushed helmet if you follow that advice.

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1 minute ago, The XYY Man said:

Can I have a "Boston Steamer" pet...?

 

XYY

 

No chance.

Not even if you were Joe Davola...

 

Mrs XYY

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To be a proper you need piccies of budty young babes facing relationship dilemmas, just like Dear Dierdre.

I wont hurt to put the odd nipple in.

Just now, Mrs XYY said:

No chance.

Not even if you were Joe Davola...

 

Mrs XYY

Hes numb from the neck down. See Kate Upyon does britney.

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5 minutes ago, Fully Detached said:

I feel like I've progressed from boyhood to manhood this evening O.o

I'll take you from manhood to middle-age, pensioner, and dementia riddled old bastard all in one evening if the price is right...

 

Mrs XYY

 

3 minutes ago, spygirl said:

To be a proper you need piccies of budty young babes facing relationship dilemmas, just like Dear Dierdre.

I wont hurt to put the odd nipple in.

Nice idea.

Can they be your exquisite nipples Ms Spy...?

 

Mrs XYY

Edited by Mrs XYY

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19 minutes ago, spygirl said:

To be a proper you need piccies of budty young babes facing relationship dilemmas, just like Dear Dierdre.

OK, just for you...

003_viz176_photostory.jpg

Mrs XYY

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57 minutes ago, JFK said:

I can only get it up whilst watching midget pr0n ... what is your advice O wise one ? :Sick1:

Hmmmmm, a difficult problem to solve without being more specific...!

Midget men, or women...?

Or them midget ponies perhaps...?

Or maybe them tiny monkeys in the zoo that start wanking just as you take a photo of them...?

C'mon JFK - tell me just how perverted, dirty, and filthy a dwarf-loving cunt you really are.

Only then can we solve your problem...

 

Mrs XYY

 

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I was chatting online to a hot twenty year old girl. Things got a bit risqué and I sent her a film of me pulling my todger.

I'm now getting blackmailed by a criminal gang in the Phillipines. What should I do?

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6 minutes ago, Nosler said:

I was chatting online to a hot twenty year old girl. Things got a bit risqué and I sent her a film of me pulling my todger.

I'm now getting blackmailed by a criminal gang in the Phillipines. What should I do?

Leave it to me Nozzie.

I'll send them some videos of my fuck-wit husband, the one-legged chicken, and the goat with Down's Syndrome - and they'll blackmail the fuck out of him instead...!

 

Next...

Mrs XYY

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11 minutes ago, Mrs XYY said:

Hmmmmm, a difficult problem to solve without being more specific...!

Midget men, or women...?

Or them midget ponies perhaps...?

Or maybe them tiny monkeys in the zoo that start wanking just as you take a photo of them...?

C'mon JFK - tell me just how perverted, dirty, and filthy a dwarf-loving cunt you really are.

Only then can we solve your problem...

 

Mrs XYY

 

Well let's see ... it's woody time when Bridget the Midget appears.

.. and then she does 2 cups with the aforementioned dutty monkeys ...

... and then there's the glass table

*goes for a lie down*

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12 minutes ago, Cunning Plan said:

Could you just watch normal porn on a smaller screen?

A smaller screen would make my penis look even smaller than it already is ... O.o

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3 minutes ago, Sgt Hartman said:

Dear Mrs XYY.

Tonight I was driving down a charming street in Blackpool with the window wound down. As I was stopped at the light a lady of...erm...advanced maturity in a leather miniskirt stuck her head in and said "hand job?"

I told her it was actually an automatic and that I preferred it when having to stop start in traffic all the time.

 

I was pronounced a cunt.

 

Did I miss something, what's wrong with automatics?

I can see that your transition into civilian life has not been easy Sergeant.

Next time, offer her forty-quid for a "Dusty Wind-Tunnel"...!

 

Next...

Mrs XYY

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