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One percent

It’s a shit job but someone’s got to do it

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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-43998174

Police hunting a suspect who relieved himself on school grounds "on a daily basis" in the US state of New Jersey have arrested a top education official.

Kenilworth school superintendent Thomas Tramaglini, 42, was detained after investigators set up a sting operation to snare the "mystery pooper".

o.O

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7 hours ago, swiss_democracy_for_all said:

The stimulating effect on the guts of running is well known...

 

61A0CD01-955B-4CB7-9134-BCEFE467E6A3.jpeg

Tactical shit - this is the start of the race and all the other competitors are giving him a wide berth, enabling him to get off to a flying start.

It was only a 5km fun run!

Edited by OurDayWillCome

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Years ago there was a well known housebreaker in the town I’ve mainly lived in who liked to relieve his bowels while on a house theft job....or jobby xD

He done a bit of jail time in the past but seems to have been living a quiet life for a number of years. One of his daughters has been a police officer in the town for several years now!

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10 hours ago, OurDayWillCome said:

Tactical shit - this is the start of the race and all the other competitors are giving him a wide berth, enabling him to get off to a flying start.

It was only a 5km fun run!

Not sure I want an answer but why is it down the front and starts higher than his arse?

Are we sure this isn't just a choc-ice malfunction?

Ps good to see Frank Skinner still keeps fit though.

Edited by Cunning Plan

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1 hour ago, Economic Exile said:

Years ago there was a well known housebreaker in the town I’ve mainly lived in who liked to relieve his bowels while on a house theft job....or jobby xD

He done a bit of jail time in the past but seems to have been living a quiet life for a number of years. One of his daughters has been a police officer in the town for several years now!

This used to be quite common in burglaries I believe. Sort of a mark of contempt for the owners. I would imagine it happens less nowadays because it's basically a big lump of DNA at the scene of the crime. 

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2 hours ago, assetrichcashpoor said:

There was someone at my hall of residence who did phantom shits around the place. Their high point was shitting in a pool table pocket. 

Uni's are notorious for this sort of thing.

I may have mentioned this on here before but I remember going to a mates shared house after a heavy Friday night and entering a very solemn (and funky) atmosphere.

It transpired that one of his flatmates had returned home absolutely shitfaced the night before and, for reasons that can only be imagined, had entered the kitchen, pissed in the bin and shat in the oven before setting it to a low, slow cook and gone to bed.

My mates had been awoken early, with a monumental hangover, to the homely smell of fresh baked shit. When I arrived the guy was still in bed and they were working out the best method to tell him that he was no longer welcome and to get the fuck out.

For anyone that's wondering about the logistics, he had shat into a baking tray and inserted it into the oven like a small but pungent souffle.

Edited by Sgt Hartman

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2 hours ago, Frank Hovis said:

I have no faeces-based anecodotes to relate.

I feel inadequate.

I do. But if I related the story you would all know i was inadequate.

(But it does not involve a baking tray)

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11 hours ago, Sgt Hartman said:

Uni's are notorious for this sort of thing.

I may have mentioned this on here before but I remember going to a mates shared house after a heavy Friday night and entering a very solemn (and funky) atmosphere.

It transpired that one of his flatmates had returned home absolutely shitfaced the night before and, for reasons that can only be imagined, had entered the kitchen, pissed in the bin and shat in the oven before setting it to a low, slow cook and gone to bed.

My mates had been awoken early, with a monumental hangover, to the homely smell of fresh baked shit. When I arrived the guy was still in bed and they were working out the best method to tell him that he was no longer welcome and to get the fuck out.

For anyone that's wondering about the logistics, he had shat into a baking tray and inserted it into the oven like a small but pungent souffle.

Brilliant!

Tell us the one about the dog poo in the fire again please, the one with the fire...

🤣

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13 hours ago, Turned Out Nice Again said:

While using the restaurant toilet at my local Waitrose yesterday, I overcame a strange compulsion to urinate into the Dyson hand dryer. The idea of it tickled me somehow.

GB&I-handdryers-airblade-db-overview04.j

Dodgy Chinese appliances - you'd have had quite an [electric] shock.

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I think "jogger's trotts" is quite common. Doctors still haven't worked out the medical reason why it happens. Maybe it why it's called "the runs".

A few of my friends are keen runners but none of confessed to being caught short.

Quote from the article:

Quote

Mr Tramaglini, who earns nearly $150,000 (£110,000) per year as head of the local education authority, was arrested.

O/T but I wonder if the job he does is actually worth the salary? Is it why American students are facing huge debts when they finish education?

Edited by UmBongo

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11 hours ago, Sgt Hartman said:

Uni's are notorious for this sort of thing.

I may have mentioned this on here before but I remember going to a mates shared house after a heavy Friday night and entering a very solemn (and funky) atmosphere.

It transpired that one of his flatmates had returned home absolutely shitfaced the night before and, for reasons that can only be imagined, had entered the kitchen, pissed in the bin and shat in the oven before setting it to a low, slow cook and gone to bed.

My mates had been awoken early, with a monumental hangover, to the homely smell of fresh baked shit. When I arrived the guy was still in bed and they were working out the best method to tell him that he was no longer welcome and to get the fuck out.

For anyone that's wondering about the logistics, he had shat into a baking tray and inserted it into the oven like a small but pungent souffle.

The best method? wtf! In my student house he’d have been hurled out into the street with all his stuff and had the key taken off him. Probably with a few bruises for good measure. 

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33 minutes ago, Carl Fimble said:

Brilliant!

Tell us the one about the dog poo in the fire again please, the one with the fire...

🤣

I’m worried that sarge does seem to attract individuals with a penchant for burning shit. 

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3 minutes ago, One percent said:

I’m worried that sarge does seem to attract individuals with a penchant for burning shit. 

Don’t whatever you do tell him you can fuel a Kelly kettle with shit...

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Just now, One percent said:

I’m worried that sarge does seem to attract individuals with a penchant for burning shit. 

These "people he knows", I wonder if he is maybe sparing his blushes, telling these stories "for a friend"...

Either way they're brilliant, that pub story had be laughing out loud!

I've only got two that I can think of, once in a flat share a guy shat in the shower and left it there, on his first day there, out he went. The other was a good friend who shat in his kitchen bin after a night on the bevvy, we wondered where he was, looked for him and found him perched over the pedal bin with a slightly confused, slightly guilty look on his face, I nearly pissed myself laughing. 

My stories are shit compared to Sgt's, that's at least partly down to the way he tells them though.

4 minutes ago, Melchett said:

Don’t whatever you do tell him you can fuel a Kelly kettle with shit...

Fill or fuel?

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1 minute ago, Carl Fimble said:

These "people he knows", I wonder if he is maybe sparing his blushes, telling these stories "for a friend"...

Either way they're brilliant, that pub story had be laughing out loud!

I've only got two that I can think of, once in a flat share a guy shat in the shower and left it there, on his first day there, out he went. The other was a good friend who shat in his kitchen bin after a night on the bevvy, we wondered where he was, looked for him and found him perched over the pedal bin with a slightly confused, slightly guilty look on his face, I nearly pissed myself laughing. 

My stories are shit compared to Sgt's, that's at least partly down to the way he tells them though.

xD  dunno. I liked the bin one. 

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