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man o' the year

The New Football

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Just watching the football and realised that there is a lot of foul play. This ranges from pulling shirts to really viscous and nasty tackles. We think this is indicative of the need to move to a new football. In this new football we there would be for example a different stand on foul play. We can do away with the yellow and red cards and instead give the referee an electric shock cattle prod which has 3 settings. First would be just a good punitive jolt for the shirt pullers. But level 3 would administer a shock for more nasty offences  which would instill temporary unconsciousness, with the offender coming round after 5 minutes or so. It would be the equivalent of the sin bin in Rugby League but with more entertainment for the crowd as they watch the offender come round again.

What changes would you make?

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I despise the fakery when players pretend they have been fouled or injured in order to get an opponent booked and, as long as the VAR evidence is incontrovertible I would end the game there and then, award a 5-0 victory, and a season long ban to the offender.

Rivaldo should have been executed for this one:

https://youtu.be/OiW0IPrv1Ro

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I would ban vuvuzelas and air horns from all matches. Anyone caught with one will be locked in a soundproofed padded cell retrofitted in each stadium. In the cell the sound of a million vuvuzelas will be piped in and a giant TV screen will display the highlights reel of Luke Chadwick's career on a permanent loop. At random intervals, the vuvuzelas will be paused and replaced with Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend commentary. The person is free to go at the end of the match, or when they have lost their mind, whichever occurs first.

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1 minute ago, axolotl said:

I would ban vuvuzelas and air horns from all matches. Anyone caught with one will be locked in a soundproofed padded cell retrofitted in each stadium. In the cell the sound of a million vuvuzelas will be piped in and a giant TV screen will display the highlights reel of Luke Chadwick's career on a permanent loop. At random intervals, the vuvuzelas will be paused and replaced with Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend commentary. The person is free to go at the end of the match, or when they have lost their mind, whichever occurs first.

Ah Luke Chadwick. The only footballer whose face came with free garlic bread.

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I would like to see different variants of football introduced. We have 24 hour motor racing, so what about a 24 hour game of football? Squads of 23 (or maybe even slightly larger) with unlimited numbers of substitutions on and off. All sorts of interesting tactical options arise.

Or alternatively, what about 13 a-side with 2 balls on the pitch? Much potential for hilarity with players not being aware of balls trundling past behind them. But also more space on the pitch, potential for more excitement and interesting tactical situations.

Swissy has mentioned that he wants to see more attacking football. For a slightly less radical change, how about completely removing offsides which would lead to teams having at least a couple of players back in their own penalty area and much more space in midfield.

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18 minutes ago, Stunley Andwin said:

We have 24 hour motor racing,

Fernando Alonso is currently managing to get beaten by the only credible opposition.

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Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, man o' the year said:

Just watching the football and realised that there is a lot of foul play. This ranges from pulling shirts to really viscous and nasty tackles. We think this is indicative of the need to move to a new football. In this new football we there would be for example a different stand on foul play. We can do away with the yellow and red cards and instead give the referee an electric shock cattle prod which has 3 settings. First would be just a good punitive jolt for the shirt pullers. But level 3 would administer a shock for more nasty offences  which would instill temporary unconsciousness, with the offender coming round after 5 minutes or so. It would be the equivalent of the sin bin in Rugby League but with more entertainment for the crowd as they watch the offender come round again.

What changes would you make?

Discipline and sportsmanship in football is absolutely shocking but .. its a result of the fact that sanctions for serious rule breaches often don't result in an immediate punishment of the actual team in that specific game e.g. getting yellow carded most of the time has no effect on immediate play, a yellow card should maybe result in a player being taken off the pitch without substitution for say 15 minutes. As it is you can clearly see that teams "manage" the yellow bookings and see it a quota system for wrong doings that they can take advantage of.

I think football is pretty much unique in having this delayed / indirect punishment system.

Edited by goldbug9999

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