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UmBongo

The one where I offend a staunch leftie.

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A few years ago I was talking my hardline left wing friend who is a straight female.

I just happened to make the point as a straight male, while a bit (or very) drunk, that gay guys seem to dress and present themselves extremely well.

She got offended by comment and made the point that not all gay men dress that well and that I shouldn't pidgeonhole people in that group (words to that effect anyway).

I said that I wasn't being homophobic and that it was meant as a compliment (while I admit it was probably a wide generalisation). Still she took offence and gave me a lecture. A straight female offended on behalf of gay men who dress well. o.O

She doesn't invite me out for drinks or get-togethers that often anymore. O.o

 

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2 minutes ago, UmBongo said:

A few years ago I was talking my hardline left wing friend who is a straight female.

I just happened to make the point as a straight male, while a bit (or very) drunk, that gay guys seem to dress and present themselves extremely well.

She got offended by comment and made the point that not all gay men dress that well and that I shouldn't pidgeonhole people in that group (words to that effect anyway).

I said that I wasn't being homophobic and that it was meant as a compliment (while I admit it was probably a wide generalisation). Still she took offence and gave me a lecture. A straight female offended on behalf of gay men who dress well. o.O

She doesn't invite me out for drinks or get-togethers that often anymore. O.o

 

 

Do you have a big bushy moustache?

Clearly she assumed that you were gay and hence you were either her gay best friend or she was lining you up for her gay male best friend. I also assume, re what I just wrote, that you clearly are a scruffy bugger otherwise she would have rumbled you sooner. If only you had worn black leather chaps with no bottoms and a white string-vest.

If you wish we will hold a short service at 9PM tonight to mourn your loss.

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10 minutes ago, UmBongo said:

A few years ago I was talking my hardline left wing friend who is a straight female.

I just happened to make the point as a straight male, while a bit (or very) drunk, that gay guys seem to dress and present themselves extremely well.

She got offended by comment and made the point that not all gay men dress that well and that I shouldn't pidgeonhole people in that group (words to that effect anyway).

I said that I wasn't being homophobic and that it was meant as a compliment (while I admit it was probably a wide generalisation). Still she took offence and gave me a lecture. A straight female offended on behalf of gay men who dress well. o.O

She doesn't invite me out for drinks or get-togethers that often anymore. O.o

 

To be honest she doesn't sound like much fun.

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16 minutes ago, UmBongo said:

A few years ago I was talking my hardline left wing friend who is a straight female.

I just happened to make the point as a straight male, while a bit (or very) drunk, that gay guys seem to dress and present themselves extremely well.

She got offended by comment and made the point that not all gay men dress that well and that I shouldn't pidgeonhole people in that group (words to that effect anyway).

I said that I wasn't being homophobic and that it was meant as a compliment (while I admit it was probably a wide generalisation). Still she took offence and gave me a lecture. A straight female offended on behalf of gay men who dress well. o.O

She doesn't invite me out for drinks or get-togethers that often anymore. O.o

 

With friends like that....

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12 minutes ago, UmBongo said:

I said that I wasn't being homophobic and that it was meant as a compliment (while I admit it was probably a wide generalisation).

Probably not a generalisation at all. The real irony we have groups that now go out of their way to be different and (some) then complain when an observable  difference in their behaviour/look/whatever is made more apparent. I'm no ultra conformist but if you make yourself stand out then should be no surprise that any difference will be noticed. Had a couple of gay mates in my lifetime and a couple of the best friends I've ever had, never felt uncomfortable in their company. I think your friend has the problem not you.

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6 minutes ago, Dipsy said:

To be honest she doesn't sound like much fun.

I think I've slipped down the popularity rankings tbh as I've been replaced on the friends front by some 'younger dudes'.

I'm not too worried about not getting invited out much any more. We're probably tiring of one another.

 

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1 minute ago, Austin Allegro said:

A woman in my office the other day got 'offended' because one of the staff (a gay man) said that he couldn't tell whether a woman who got onto the tube that morning was 'pregnant or just fat'. He defended himself by explaining that he wasn't sure whether to offer his seat or not as it might offend her if she was just fat. 

I just told the 'offended' woman that my colleague was gay, and therefore was exempt from hate-speech laws. 

Could have called her out for being homophobic and didn't she realise that gay men were unable to tell the difference.

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13 minutes ago, Austin Allegro said:

A woman in my office the other day got 'offended' because one of the staff (a gay man) said that he couldn't tell whether a woman who got onto the tube that morning was 'pregnant or just fat'. He defended himself by explaining that he wasn't sure whether to offer his seat or not as it might offend her if she was just fat. 

I just told the 'offended' woman that my colleague was gay, and therefore was exempt from hate-speech laws. 

Back in the day old sausage jockey would have had to give the seat up whether she was pregnant or just fat.

Thank fuck i dont work with women, occasionally you get them on site and i have to try and not swear which with my limited vocabulary is most difficult, though the good thing about women who work in heavy industry is you know they're only there to get a bit.

 

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58 minutes ago, UmBongo said:

A few years ago I was talking my hardline left wing friend who is a straight female.

I just happened to make the point as a straight male, while a bit (or very) drunk, that gay guys seem to dress and present themselves extremely well.

She got offended by comment and made the point that not all gay men dress that well and that I shouldn't pidgeonhole people in that group (words to that effect anyway).

I said that I wasn't being homophobic and that it was meant as a compliment (while I admit it was probably a wide generalisation). Still she took offence and gave me a lecture. A straight female offended on behalf of gay men who dress well. o.O

She doesn't invite me out for drinks or get-togethers that often anymore. O.o

 

Mind to be honest mate - your patter fucking stinks.

You couldn't get into Marianne Faithful's knickers with a Mars Bar selection-box...!

;)

 

XYY

 

Edited by The XYY Man

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45 minutes ago, Austin Allegro said:

A woman in my office the other day got 'offended' because one of the staff (a gay man) said that he couldn't tell whether a woman who got onto the tube that morning was 'pregnant or just fat'. He defended himself by explaining that he wasn't sure whether to offer his seat or not as it might offend her if she was just fat. 

I just told the 'offended' woman that my colleague was gay, and therefore was exempt from hate-speech laws. 

‘Fat or pregnant’ is a daily conundrum for any commuter.  

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I had something vaguely similar once.

We went for an office night out and quite a few beers had been consumed before it was decided that we should go to the local Club 'o' Grot.

So three guys and two girls trooped down to the door. The girls were let in immediately by the doormen.

"Wait here lads".

So we did.

Eventually two other girls walked straight past us and were let in which caused some grumbles amongst the small group of blokes waiting outside.

One guy was let in. Another three turned up and were told to wait with us.

Two more girls turned up and didn't have to wait. What the fuck?

We moaned to the doorman who came back with "no groups of lads. If you don't like it then feel free to fuck off." At that point I'd had enough so decided to take him up on his offer. Just as I was going, one of the girls from the office stuck her head out and asked if we were coming in?

"No. I haven't got tits so I'm not getting in. See you Monday." And off I buggered.

The next monday, I was called into the bosses office. To my astonishment I was given a thorough dressing down for 'sexism' and 'sexual harassment!' The same girl had gone to my boss and made an official complaint about what I had said. To top it off, when I came out of his office she was standing there looking sheepish and asked if I was mad at her. I said no, but that she was to neither approach or speak to me again under any circumstances. Any interaction could be done through the office messaging system and that I would be absent from any and all further works do's.

Mental.

 

Edited by Sgt Hartman

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1 hour ago, The XYY Man said:

Mind to be honest mate - your patter fucking stinks.

You couldn't get into Marianne Faithful's knickers with a Mars Bar selection-box...!

;)

 

XYY

 

I've heard you like a Fry's Five Boys Bar up the jacksie.

Is it the thought of five boys, or Stephen Fry that excites you the most?

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Just now, Happy Renting said:

I've heard you like a Fry's Five Boys Bar up the jacksie.

Is it the thought of five boys, or Stephen Fry that excites you the most?

Fuck off.

It's their "Chocolate Creme" that's frying my ass tonight...!!!

 

;)

 

XYY

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13 minutes ago, Option5 said:

I once called an Asian African "engineer" where I worked a useless sod (he was) and off he trotted to HR. We were summoned to a resolution meeting where I was told in no uncertain terms that calling him a useless sod was racist as I was indicating that he was inferior. I was instructed to apologise and when that was done I pointed out that it wouldn't change the way I thought of him. HR told me I was free to think what I liked as they had no control over that. Next time he screwed up I told him I thought he was a useless sod. HR were not amused until I pointed out that all his qualifications were fake as two of them were dated before the qualification existed, never saw him again.

I recall a few years ago a copper was had up before the diversity inquisition because he had called a suspect a 'black bastard'. His defending barrister argued that since the plaintiff was black, and was indeed also illegitimate, that the PC was merely stating fact rather than verbally abusing him. I don't think the plan worked though. 

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2 hours ago, UmBongo said:

A few years ago I was talking my hardline left wing friend who is a straight female.

I just happened to make the point as a straight male, while a bit (or very) drunk, that gay guys seem to dress and present themselves extremely well.

She got offended by comment and made the point that not all gay men dress that well and that I shouldn't pidgeonhole people in that group (words to that effect anyway).

I said that I wasn't being homophobic and that it was meant as a compliment (while I admit it was probably a wide generalisation). Still she took offence and gave me a lecture. A straight female offended on behalf of gay men who dress well. o.O

She doesn't invite me out for drinks or get-togethers that often anymore. O.o

 

You can't reason with brainwashed marxists..

They could never really be your friend ever because you cannot rationally discuss with the brainwashed!

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4 minutes ago, JackieO said:

You can't reason with brainwashed marxists..

They could never really be your friend ever because you cannot rationally discuss with the brainwashed!

These people are not Marxists, they are merely thick 

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1 minute ago, Austin Allegro said:

I recall a few years ago a copper was had up before the diversity inquisition because he had called a suspect a 'black bastard'. His defending barrister argued that since the plaintiff was black, and was indeed also illegitimate, that the PC was merely stating fact rather than verbally abusing him. I don't think the plan worked though. 

Aye - I think you're right there mind 'Leggy.

Police Constable Ronald Frederick "Big Ron" Atkinson if I remember it correctly...

;)

 

XYY

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11 minutes ago, Austin Allegro said:

I recall a few years ago a copper was had up before the diversity inquisition because he had called a suspect a 'black bastard'. His defending barrister argued that since the plaintiff was black, and was indeed also illegitimate, that the PC was merely stating fact rather than verbally abusing him. I don't think the plan worked though. 

Porridge "Ways and Means"

"A copper found me in an alley, wrapped in the Glasgow Herald.
I did say you didn't have it easy.
I never knew my father, and I'm black with a Scottish accent.
D'ya expect me to be laughing?

Itcould be worse, son.
Could it?

No, I don't suppose it could.
You don't want to let that illegitimate bit worry you.
Lots of famous people were illegitimate.
William the Conqueror, Leonardo da Vinci, Lawrence of Arabia, Napper Wainwright Who's he? He was a screw at Brixton.
Mind you, he WAS a bastard! It's not a stigma any more.
Marriage is out of fashion.
All these glamorous people, pop stars, TV personalities, all their kids is born out of wedlock, you know.
Soon, it will be as fashionable as being homosexual.
Being an illegitimate, black poof is about as chic as you can get!"

Classic 😂

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