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steppensheep

Family Saga Poll

If you have elderly parents:  

24 members have voted

  1. 1. has it caused significant family strife dealing with care or inheritance?

    • Yes
      11
    • No
      9
    • Mixed
      2
    • Other
      2


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Couldn't work out if it was possible to edit my other thread. In the past, I heard from my friends about their family strifes, and was pretty shocked and appalled, and one thing I was sure of was, it would never happen to us. So now I'm expecting it to be pretty common.

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Fortunately my parents aren't old enough for care or inheritance to be a big issue yet, but care is looming on the horizon. 

There are significant amounts of saga though and at some points we avoid going round or calling to avoid the hassle. 

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Not parents but grandmother. Completely destroyed an already fragmented family - nobody talks to anyone else anymore. My sister drove me away when I went back to Ireland to help care for my Granny in her final weeks. My uncle moved into the house without consulting anyone else and wrecked the place rather than let my mum give it a bit of tlc for sale then tried to use his position as executor to buy it for half of what we eventually got (plus he pocketed the money my Granny gave him for the funeral). The whole drama made my mum even more difficult to deal with so I don't talk to her anymore either. It's possible that my sister still talks to my uncle, I'm not sure since I don't speak to either of them.

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Not as such, but only because I didn't make an issue of it.  My sister got tens of thousands extra from my father when he was alive (window replacement, car, etc), which she doesn't think I know about (I do as I found his handwritten records).  In the final will we got half each of what was left.  She still thinks that I unfairly got more money from my parents and drops hints to that effect every so often.

Furthermore, she didn't want to sell the parents property post death (just rent it out, innit) and I accepted a value at 20% below market to then have her buy me out to extract myself from the situation.  She still thinks I ripped her off.  Her lawyer messed up on the paperwork which delayed the fund movements by three weeks, which cost me another couple of grand in exchange rate movements, despite me having said I needed the transfer by X as I foresaw the pound dropping like a stone.  I didn't complain.

I also warned her about all the S24 etc changes coming down the track but she still wanted to rent it out, and is doing so.  No doubt I will get that blame when it all goes wrong.

 

Most people are twats about money.

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I have had similar tales of money/property-grabbing family who have basically split the family through sheer greed. Interestingly, they're all women - my dad's sister who took their parents' house/assets and their other sister's flat (didn't even tell my dad she had died - she'd actually committed suicide). And my mother's sister who isolated her brother (my uncle) from all family for years and only told family he had died after the funeral! She got all his property/assets except for a token amount. In both cases all their manipulative crap had meant people hadn't spoken to eachother for years. And I have my own sister, who is a greedy cow and taking what she can from my elderly widowed father, doing as little for him as possible (he's in OK health fortunately but has been ill occasionally, and I do any care he needs, organise things for him, etc ) - she doesn't even call him for months on end (unless she wants something) if he doesn't call her. He was in hospital last year and she never once called to find out how he was. Fortunately he doesn't trust her so I look after his accounts. I'll split them evenly once he's gone, but expect my sister to kick off and try to grab as much as she can, especially his flat. I refuse to speak to her as she's just a money-grabbing narcissistic cow who's inevitably married a naive, blue pill, cuck provider of a husband (he's a nice guy but utterly under the thumb - everything he does is wrong as far as his wife is concerned, despite the fact he works his arse off and is great with the kids). I'm the only person who won't take her shit so she avoids me anyway. I reckon all those shenanigans would mean I'll ultimately be down around £300k-£500k. However, I have peace of mind and no shit.

And relax...

Edited by The Idiocrat

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Not expecting any issues with my sister (and I know my parents will be very fair).

On my mums side though, her family were pretty bad when my gran died..  people were taking her possessions before she was gone, stealing from the estate..  it was pretty grim,  and oddly it was the wealthier relatives who seemed to be the most grasping.

In our case karma caught up with them so it all evened out in the end.

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Not yet.
Not sure if my sisters know they're getting nothing in the will. 

Cos none of us are.
The grandchildren are getting it.

Big sis has been eyeing up furniture for years.

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My younger sister is a fuck. She gave my parents hell as an adult and constantly accused them of various crimes which were fabrications in her head. She eventually cut them off for years...then would reappear...tell them what was wrong with them...then cut them off again. The cycle went on for years and years. And she turned her children against them.  She treats us siblings the same way...but we just ignore her. Basically she's eaten herself up with anger and emotions.

My Dad was a great bloke. he worked hard and gave us all an amazing childhood. He provided a home and food on the table. We were all well educated. My Mum is one of the most energetic persons you could ever meet...and still going strong at 86.

My sister was spoilt.  I could see the pain in my parents eyes, but they never made a big scene about it.  I knew they had feelings of shame...even though they did nothing wrong.

When my Mum goes...the Estate will include my sister, even  though we all think she's a fuck. 

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6 hours ago, sarahbell said:

Not yet.
Not sure if my sisters know they're getting nothing in the will. 

Cos none of us are.
The grandchildren are getting it.

Big sis has been eyeing up furniture for years.

That's actually potentially a great idea, depending on circumstances. I might suggest to my dad that he do that - that'll really piss off my sister! We've got two kids each so all even, but I'm sure she's planning on spending all the inheritance on herself. 

Edited by The Idiocrat

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Not yet but I reckon there is trouble on the horizon.

I've got a brother who's a total dickhead. Barely worked a day in his life and basically treated his body like a bloody sewer for about fifteen years. 

He's pretty much drug-fucked himself into oblivion and relies on my parents for absolutely everything, all of his woes are someone else's fault and he's terminally sketchy. His behaviour has affected his health both physically and mentally and my folks, who've worked hard all of their lives, can't leave him alone in the house as he's such a liability.

Where they live is remote, very remote and I mean that on a world scale rather than the UK, so they are trapped looking after this fucking penarse while they slip into their dotage completely unable to enjoy what passes for their retirement.

My father has met his five year old grandson once, he's never met his granddaughter because my ball-bag brother can't be relied upon to be left alone so he has to stay behind while my mum comes over.

When the time comes I know with all my heart that the little shite will throw some serious spanners in the works because he's got nowt else. After denying my folks a retirement, time with their grandkids (and me!) and leaving a trail of shit and strife for everyone else to sort out - I'm not going to be particularly sympathetic to his woes.

I'll carry out my parents wishes to the letter but he can fuck right off if he thinks he's getting anything over and above what's bequeathed to him. 

The cock.:PissedOff:

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3 minutes ago, Sgt Hartman said:

Not yet but I reckon there is trouble on the horizon.

I've got a brother who's a total dickhead. Barely worked a day in his life and basically treated his body like a bloody sewer for about fifteen years. 

He's pretty much drug-fucked himself into oblivion and relies on my parents for absolutely everything, all of his woes are someone else's fault and he's terminally sketchy. His behaviour has affected his health both physically and mentally and my folks, who've worked hard all of their lives, can't leave him alone in the house as he's such a liability.

Where they live is remote, very remote and I mean that on a world scale rather than the UK, so they are trapped looking after this fucking penarse while they slip into their dotage completely unable to enjoy what passes for their retirement.

My father has met his five year old grandson once, he's never met his granddaughter because my ball-bag brother can't be relied upon to be left alone so he has to stay behind while my mum comes over.

When the time comes I know with all my heart that the little shite will throw some serious spanners in the works because he's got nowt else. After denying my folks a retirement, time with their grandkids (and me!) and leaving a trail of shit and strife for everyone else to sort out - I'm not going to be particularly sympathetic to his woes.

I'll carry out my parents wishes to the letter but he can fuck right off if he thinks he's getting anything over and above what's bequeathed to him. 

The cock.:PissedOff:

There are probably some people from Albania working in your local car wash who could sort this out for you for a surprisingly small fee.

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2 minutes ago, swissy_fit said:

There are probably some people from Albania working in your local car wash who could sort this out for you for a surprisingly small fee.

True.

Twenty two thousand mile round trip though. Mind you, they'd probably appreciate the overtime.

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Guest

Blimey, I am so glad I am an only child.

:D

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12 minutes ago, Sgt Hartman said:

True.

Twenty two thousand mile round trip though. Mind you, they'd probably appreciate the overtime.

Christ. I thought my family was bad. I am lucky compared to this in that my siblings have little ability to influence my life.

 

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Surprisingly little strife in my family to date although it's kicking off with one of my aunties who is doing a great job of alienating her daughter and grandchildren in order (IMO) to paper over cracks in her own marriage.

My 2 brothers and I are very solid, see each other regularly and organise 3 or 4 fishing trips a year together along with our favourite uncle who used to take us fishing as kids.

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I'm probably lucky in this regard in that my family's quite small, and my paternal grandparents died before I was born (leaving nothing much to my dad, as far as I know). My maternal grandad was a widower for 28 years, and looked after himself perfectly well for about 24 of them; he caused a bit of grief for my mum and her two siblings when he went gaga and had to be put into a nursing home (especially my aunt, who did a heroic job of looking after him in his home until it became impossible). When he died said aunt (who worked as an accountant) did the probate and divided his estate to everyone's satisfaction.

My parents are divorced; when my dad left he just signed over the house to my mum. He's now married to a very nice woman about 10 years his junior. I think he's appointed my brother his executor and given me power of attorney (or at least that's the plan). I guess he has some assets to leave us, assuming they don't get taken in care home fees, but I won't be the slightest bit bothered if we get nothing because it goes to my stepmum first and she lives another 20 years, or whatever.

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