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Reck B

Don’t die on the weekend.

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So sorry to hear about your loss Reck.  (I am up late here.)

Sounds very difficult and sad for you but that your father had a 'good' death? And that you did all your could to make the end OK for him.  (Hope that's a slight comfort to you.)

Losing my mum 5 yrs ago, when she was in her early 80s, (she had been taken to hospital after a sudden heart attack and I wasn't there when she died) made me feel very strange even tho I rationalised that she had had only a reasonably short period of suffering and had had a good innings. therefore it was a good a death as I could have wanted for her.  I just felt like an orphan child ... in my late 50s. (A bit pathetic and surprising to find that I felt so sorry for myself.) But time does heal the feeling of loss I have found.   

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My condolences mate, I know it's hard now but it sounds like with your help your old man went out in some style. He was right to be proud of you.

I was able to tell my mum that I loved her and hear it back from her before she lost consciousness but not my dad, which is a regret I bear to this day.

Edited by Turned Out Nice Again

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By the sound of it you had a good father, and he had a good son. 

He will live on in you and will only be truly gone when you and all who were close to him are gone. 

May your dreams of him be good. 20 years on, mine still appears to me in dreams sometimes, and he’s strong and youthful again, so either he is at peace, or at least my memory of him is. 

 

 

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4 hours ago, Reck B said:

Don’t die on the weekend. It’s inconvenient.

And see your GP within four weeks of your death. Otherwise it may be marked as ‘unexpected’ and the police may have to be called if you die at home.

That’s a couple of things I’ve learned these past 24 hours. 

I’ve notified the family and friends with the news and now it’s time to tell you, fellow ascii malcontents who make me smile and think more than a lot of the 3D people in my life. 

You may have seen some recent posts about his diagnosis and subsequent care. My dad has died. At 9am this morning 08/09/2018.

I held him as he shook and swayed and gasped his final breaths.  Thankfully Mum heard my shouts and made it into the room at the very end, when his last words were “I have a lovely wife. And a lovely son.”

I’m glad I was with him even though the whole experience is etched on my brain and I can’t close my eyes without seeing it happen again. 

He beat the 3 -6 month expectancy by 6-9 months and fit in a ‘proper’ African safari in October. He skied chamonix with me and his grandkids this March. He cut the grass on Thursday and his body gave up on Saturday morning. What a trooper. I’m gonna miss him.

 

 

 

 

 

The death thing and trauma - bt like a tree fallign down i n the forest. Just cos noones there does not mean its not a bit messy.

But, trust me, any death or checkout that involves your Dad moving lawn on Thurs and pegging it on a couple of days later is a good one. - assuming hes had his 3 score and 10 (2 score and 1 in Glasgow ...)

I had an Aunty with a brain tumour who had the traumatic bit stretch out over 6 month. Not good.

Thing is people dont die. Sure the body goes but people you are close to dont. They are still in your head, talking - not in the loon way though.

I was close to my Grandad/Nana. They sort of mainly brought me + siblings up, my parents sort of being daft kids basically.

My grandad died ~25 years ago but every time i meet up with my dad my grandads voice comes into my head - 'Theres that useless cunt father there'. Everytime.

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, Reck B said:

 Don’t die on the weekend. It’s inconvenient.

And see your GP within four weeks of your death. Otherwise it may be marked as ‘unexpected’ and the police may have to be called if you die at home.

That’s a couple of things I’ve learned these past 24 hours. 

I’ve notified the family and friends with the news and now it’s time to tell you, fellow ascii malcontents who make me smile and think more than a lot of the 3D people in my life. 

You may have seen some recent posts about his diagnosis and subsequent care. My dad has died. At 9am this morning 08/09/2018.

I held him as he shook and swayed and gasped his final breaths.  Thankfully Mum heard my shouts and made it into the room at the very end, when his last words were “I have a lovely wife. And a lovely son.”

I’m glad I was with him even though the whole experience is etched on my brain and I can’t close my eyes without seeing it happen again. 

He beat the 3 -6 month expectancy by 6-9 months and fit in a ‘proper’ African safari in October. He skied chamonix with me and his grandkids this March. He cut the grass on Thursday and his body gave up on Saturday morning. What a trooper. I’m gonna miss him.

 

 

 

 

 

That's a beautiful post, sounds like you had a lovely dad.

EDIT : Just re-read it and it's brought tears to my eyes, so glad you and your mum were there, and that he lived right up to the end.

Carlsberg don't do deaths, but if they did...

Edited by Carl Fimble
adding the damp eyed edit bit

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Very sorry for your loss.

Your post was very moving. To die at home, in the arms of your loved ones, is the best exit that any of us could hope for, and by providing him with the care and support that you have in the last year of his life, he will have known how loved he was.

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I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my father on 28th August 2017, so just over a year ago, and my Mum on my birthday 13th February this year.

I was not there when Dad passed which has made it much more difficult and I hope that being there and the nature of his passing make it easier for you to reconcile. I think my day spent remembering my own father, by visiting his favourite places, on the first anniversary has helped me. I hope you reach that reconciliation sooner and easier.

I am sorry too if the system is not being kind to you. I hope you are able to move beyond that and that it is kinder to you soon. Try to find a good, kind funeral director and explain exactly what you want. If I am able to help in anyway with my recent experience do not hesitate to message me.

Edited by man o' the year

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Oh dear, with sympathy.

Sounds like the last months fitted a lot in and your father was able to leave saying what he wanted to say and to whom he wanted to say it.

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I am so sorry for your family's loss. 


"To die at home, in the arms of your loved ones, is the best exit that any of us could hope for" someone's already written that nicer than me.

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So sorry for your loss. I also was there when my dad died, first time I'd seen it happen. It's very sad and obviously a difficult time but hopefully you and your mum will give each other strength x

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To be there when he died will mean a lot to you over the coming months and years even if you don't quite realise it yet. A lot of people are not afforded that. 

Focusing on what your father gave you and handed down to you in terms of things like perhaps knowledge and respect will hopefully help to get you through the tough few weeks and months ahead. Sorry for your loss. 

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2 hours ago, Reck B said:

Thanks all for your kind words and experiences. In floods reading them. X

Each of us are different, so I can't say that this would work for you Reck, but I did find some comfort listening to the music that my dad loved.

He was a massive fan of Buddy Holly - and as well as his posh wrist-watch, I also inherited his collection of Buddy Holly CDs.

I knew all the big hits, but the afternoon I stuck one of his CDs in my player and heard the song "Crying, Waiting, Hoping" - which I'd never heard before - really resonated with me, and I must confess that I cried like a bairn.

Take care mate - and understand that there are no rights or wrongs with a bereavement like this one...

 

 

XYY

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He had a bad disease but a good death. Being able to - and, quite frankly, wanting to - express his love for his family right at the end is a rare blessing from what I've experienced. My dad's last few days still haunt me too years later but take comfort that the impact fades over time and is replaced by good memories of what came before.

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So sorry to hear your sad news.

Take some comfort that he passed while at home surrounded by loved ones.

It's not an easy time and there is no easy way to deal with such a loss. Just give it time and don't be afraid to grieve.

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