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Southmartin

Inappropriate music suggestions for Joe's date

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Quote
I'm gonna make you sweat
The way a pig sweats on a hot day
'cause I'm feelin' real sexy, baby, real sexy, ooh yeah
That's right, I'm gonna put me a sexy video on
I'm gonna massage some oil into my body, baby
'cause I'm gonna get tight with you, yeah
I wanna take you to McDonald's with a candle
Girl, it's my love you can't handle
I see you walkin' on the way home from work
Your Tesco tunic really drives me berserk
I'm for real, it ain't no quirk
My love is lurkin' the way a rapist would lurk
In a bush, or a car park in town
I bought you this necklace, it cost me 12 pounds
From Argos, Elizabeth Duke
Maybe you're the skywalker to my Luke
The Darth to the vader, flip over the crossfader
I'll serenade you with a bag of space raiders
Or Walkers or Smiths or maybe even Quavers
'cause my love for you is like drugs for ravers
With glow sticks and funny hats on
I loves you more than I loves my bong
Fantasy
You and me baby
You and me baby
Oh, you fuckin' knows I love you right
But the thing is it's like this
You see, I can feel it inside
I can't explain how it feels
My sexual love is for real
Girl, you knows it's true, like Milli Vanilli
I'll buy you ten fags on a day trip to Caerphilly
I'm after your heart, oh, don't you see?
And your three kids doesn't bother me
You know
I'll give you a rose, pull out your chair when we eat
Fuck I can't, in McDonald's it's a bolted seat
Don't matter 'cause I'm here with you
With a medium value meal and a chocolate sundae too
Later on I'll come and help you sign on
I'll stare into your eyes, the housin' benefits gone wrong
Don't worry, baby it won't take too long
I'm just sittin', I'm just waitin', I'm just writin' this song
You know that, time passes and I'm lovin' every second
Buyin' chips for you is as lovely as I reckoned
You're Victoria Spice, I'm David Beckham
If you were Dellboy, I'd be the streets of Peckham
Why don't you come to me? Why can't you see?
My love for you is like Matt Bolan to a tree
Dance with me
You and me, baby
You and me, baby
Tonight
I'll take you for a ride, we won't go far
You've been runnin' through my mind like a shinin' star
We've got plenty of time to make sweet love
"'cause tonight's the night we take off the glove
You know what I mean, you're takin' the pill
Don't worry, I'll sort out the bill
Supported by the D-H-S-S
With family allowance, we'll sort out the mess
What's it gonna take to get your attention?
A tracksuit and gold chain and semi erection
Say no more, I can feel the tear
You can smokes my fags and drinks my beer
I'll never want another like I want you
To prove my love, I gotta tattoo, on my bollocks
I was gonna have your name but I only got initials
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
My physical love
You and me baby
You and me baby
Tonight
The emotional reality
You're the nicest lookin' woman outside of my sexmags
Especially with your makeup, when your wearin' your Gladrags
I gotta tell you, I gotta let you know
I wanna buy you trips down the Mecca, Bingo
We'll sit together, get four in a row
And win a China dog and with it too a family show
This is romance, how it should be done
When it's you and me together, it can only spell fun
We'll walk together, buy some meat in the market
I'll piss on the car, you'll smile and park it
I've got to tell you about somethin' I think
Without you and my chain I'm the weakest link
So get down, baby, and feel my love
I'll get you drunk in Weatherspoons, into a bush I shove
I'll have a grope and get the last bus
A romantic date, just the two of us
Yeah, one time
You and me baby
You and me baby
Tonight
Electrical Love
You and me baby
You and me baby
Tonight
I'm feeling kind of, kind of sexy, baby
What say you put on that exercise video
And I'll watch you sweat? Oh yeah
That damn video with Felicity Kendal
Damn, you can shit, baby
And your makin' me feel kinda itchy
And damn, I'm gonna go put the mask and gloves on
Oh, yeah, yeah
Take 'em off, baby
Just take them
Fuck the music
Take them off
Just, oh, freak this shit, man
Turn the fuckin' tape off, man

 

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Well, she wore big knickers,
And she worked on t' sewage farm,
I got me 'and down 'er jeans an'
I nearly lost half me arm.
But after ten pints,
Looked quite fit,
Couldn't wait to get me hands
On her flabby tits.

Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty,
So I said slap that and ride the ripples,
I've just got to get me gob
'Round her inverted nipples.
She had a massive arse
And sweatty breasts,
Thirty eight inch,
She were a mound of flesh.

Sweatty Betty, she eats a lot of pies,
Sweatty Betty, she's got enormous thighs,
Sweatty Betty, have you smelt her breath,
Sweatty Betty, she'll crush a man to death.
And I knew that she wanted me fer shag 'er,
So I stabbed 'er cunt with me mutton dagger,
I couldn't believe the spots on her bum,
She used to play for Wigan at the back of the scrum.

Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty.

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44 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

Well, she wore big knickers,
And she worked on t' sewage farm,
I got me 'and down 'er jeans an'
I nearly lost half me arm.
But after ten pints,
Looked quite fit,
Couldn't wait to get me hands
On her flabby tits.

Sweaty Betty, Sweaty Betty,
So I said slap that and ride the ripples,
I've just got to get me gob
'Round her inverted greasy nipples.
She had a massive arse
And sweaty breasts,
Thirty eight inch,
She were a mound of flesh.

Sweaty Betty, she eats a lot of pies,
Sweaty Betty, she's got enormous thighs,
Sweaty Betty, have you smelt her breath,
Sweaty Betty, she'll crush a man to death.
And I knew that she wanted me fer shag 'er,
So I stabbed 'er cunt with me mutton dagger,
I couldn't believe the spots on her bum,
She used to play for Wigan at the back of the scrum.

Sweaty Betty, Sweaty Betty, Sweaty Betty, Sweaty Betty.

Corrected for you. Can't have the classics being mis-transposed. 

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