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sarahbell

Made up job

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https://www.greater.jobs/search-and-apply/job-details/G8/5741/

You will need a proven track record in the successful delivery of transformation projects, business improvement reviews and utilising business improvement techniques, alongside excellent communication and engagement skills. The successful candidates will have formal project/programme management training or extensive experience of working in a complex environment in a matrix style and a proven track record of leading multi-disciplinary teams to achieve successful outcomes.

Buzzword bingo.

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7 minutes ago, sarahbell said:

https://www.greater.jobs/search-and-apply/job-details/G8/5741/

You will need a proven track record in the successful delivery of transformation projects, business improvement reviews and utilising business improvement techniques, alongside excellent communication and engagement skills. The successful candidates will have formal project/programme management training or extensive experience of working in a complex environment in a matrix style and a proven track record of leading multi-disciplinary teams to achieve successful outcomes.

Buzzword bingo.

Oldham Council. What more need be said?

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I find it bizzare that Oldham Council feels the need to highlight in their job adverts that:

Quote

We welcome applications from residents of Oldham

That reads to me as a suggestion that the residents of Oldham are so workshy that in the past they've always had to recruit outside the area but have recently changed this policy!

 

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Just now, Frank Hovis said:

I find it bizzare that Oldham Council feels the need to highlight in their job adverts that:

That reads to me as a suggestion that the residents of Oldham are so workshy that in the past they've always had to recruit outside the area but have recently changed this policy!

 

The sensible policy for all councils is to only employ people resident in the council area. And when they move away they give up their job.
This ensures that council services are effective at being monitored as all the staff live in the area and see the services in action around them.

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It's a £35K job..    

If I were cynical I would guess they are trying to make it sound as inaccessible as possible because they have someone lined up for it internally but were obliged to advertise the position. I suspect they probably don't actually want any external applicants.

As far as I can tell they just want a person to manage some contractors to plant a few trees about the place or other "transformation" projects.

Other than having to learn all the PS red tape and procedures I'd guess a 5yo could probably do it in their sleep.

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38 minutes ago, sarahbell said:

https://www.greater.jobs/search-and-apply/job-details/G8/5741/

You will need a proven track record in the successful delivery of transformation projects, business improvement reviews and utilising business improvement techniques, alongside excellent communication and engagement skills. The successful candidates will have formal project/programme management training or extensive experience of working in a complex environment in a matrix style and a proven track record of leading multi-disciplinary teams to achieve successful outcomes.

Buzzword bingo.

I think I'd sooner clean the lavs. 

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Interesting that they are actually asking for a formal project management qualification.

Given the salary they are offering I would think they'd be lucky to get anyone with that:

 

https://www.totaljobs.com/salary-checker/average-project-manager-salary

How do Project Manager jobs salaries vary across industries?

Sector Average Salary Salary Range    
Public Sector & Services £51,353 £38,251-£91,182    

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8 hours ago, Frank Hovis said:

I find it bizzare that Oldham Council feels the need to highlight in their job adverts that:

That reads to me as a suggestion that the residents of Oldham are so workshy that in the past they've always had to recruit outside the area but have recently changed this policy!

 

Some council jobs, e.g. social work, you ideally want people from outside of the area so they don't get aggro at home from the clientele. 

Transformation is the latest buzzword for change (generally big ones). In practical terms, it means you'll likely be running a project where the management is clueless about what they really want and whatever you manage to do will be in spite of passive aggressive opposition from staff. 

Edited by SCC

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10 hours ago, sarahbell said:

https://www.greater.jobs/search-and-apply/job-details/G8/5741/

You will need a proven track record in the successful delivery of transformation projects, business improvement reviews and utilising business improvement techniques, alongside excellent communication and engagement skills. The successful candidates will have formal project/programme management training or extensive experience of working in a complex environment in a matrix style and a proven track record of leading multi-disciplinary teams to achieve successful outcomes.

Buzzword bingo.

I genuinely struggled to read that. It's the reading equivalent of nails on a blackboard. I can just imagine the fucking massive Vogon who typed it.

My fave was a bloke who, when asked what he did for a living, replied that he was a 'marine distribution specialist highly trained in coating and thermal ranges'

 

He worked in a fish and chip shop.

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total BS bingo.

Project management is such a fucking crock of shit most of the time, we have 2 scientific project managers in our department, it's glorified nagging people, admin and shit like that.  They're on salary not far off mine (data scientist). ffs.

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2 hours ago, SCC said:

 

Transformation is the latest buzzword for change (generally big ones). In practical terms, it means you'll likely be running a project where the management is clueless about what they really want and whatever you manage to do will be in spite of passive aggressive opposition from staff. 

It can also be code for 'being the cunt that delivers the cost savings'. This is your opportunity to be the 'chainsaw of progress' in a moribund organisation. And of course if the locals don't like the changes, you can be thrown under the nearest bus!

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1 hour ago, JFK said:

total BS bingo.

Project management is such a fucking crock of shit most of the time, we have 2 scientific project managers in our department, it's glorified nagging people, admin and shit like that.  They're on salary not far off mine (data scientist). ffs.

Ok. I'll bite. What is a 'data scientist'?

Bear in mind that I am FIDM which really means piss all.

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8 hours ago, Cunning Plan said:

Ok. I'll bite. What is a 'data scientist'?

Bear in mind that I am FIDM which really means piss all.

Bit of a mish mash term for data analytics but uses computer science, statistics, modelling, especially for very large datasets. It's the new sexy occupation dontchyaknow

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6 minutes ago, JFK said:

Bit of a mish mash term for data analytics but uses computer science, statistics, modelling, especially for very large datasets. It's the new sexy occupation dontchyaknow

Well if you mean you spend your life  sticking your nose in my ocado history to work out that I am a lush that likes spicy food why didn't you just say so. 😃

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2 hours ago, Cunning Plan said:

Well if you mean you spend your life  sticking your nose in my ocado history to work out that I am a lush that likes spicy food why didn't you just say so. 😃

It's the new digital voyerism!

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26 minutes ago, JFK said:

It's the new digital voyerism!

I think I preferred the old days when the encyclopaedia salesman collected shed loads of information on you whilst pretending to sell you some books.
 

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13 hours ago, Cunning Plan said:

Ok. I'll bite. What is a 'data scientist'?

It's a new field of knowledge that probably has some actual real-life value.

However, it's following in the steps of virtualisation, "the cloud", responsive design, micro frameworks, and so on, as the new Information Technology "silver bullet" that will solve all of your issues.

And unfortunately my boss has latched on to it :(

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