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One percent

More wine vicar?

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7175515/Married-vicar-64-downed-ten-small-bottles-wine-groped-sleeping-American-BA-passenger.html

A married vicar groped a sleeping student on a British Airways flight after guzzling ten small bottles of wine, a court has heard.

Reverend Peter McConnell, 64, is accused of rubbing the 23-year-old's penis under a blanket on the overnight flight from Philadelphia to Heathrow in March 2017. 

Jurors heard the clergyman made 'sleazy comments' about masturbation and 't***y bars' to the American and tried to kiss him. 

 

What is it with people and flights?  

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1 minute ago, One percent said:

I thought those days were long gone? 

Business class, sometimes I've been bumped up to first class, just for wearing a tie, and not smelling bad.

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15 minutes ago, One percent said:

I’m always left in cattle class. Can’t think why. o.O

Learn to knot a Windsor and shower more often!  xD Perhaps smoke Cuban cigars (like a real businessman) and put a little dab of Brut or Hai Karate behind your lugs. Try this and let us know how you get on during your next jaunt on an airyplane.

Unless you're a cheapskate, like me, and only do Cryanair.

In that case, Business Class is in the aircraft that left on time before you and landed much, much closer to the city you were hoping to arrive at.

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3 minutes ago, Gordie Lastchance said:

Learn to knot a Windsor and shower more often!  xD Perhaps smoke Cuban cigars (like a real businessman) and put a little dab of Brut or Hai Karate behind your lugs. Try this and let us know how you get on during your next jaunt on an airyplane.

Unless you're a cheapskate, like me, and only do Cryanair.

In that case, Business Class is in the aircraft that left on time before you and landed much, much closer to the city you were hoping to arrive at.

What, you think dressing like a butch lesbian will do it?  o.O

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5 minutes ago, One percent said:

What, you think dressing like a butch lesbian will do it?  o.O

No, I'm saying be like Mr Pin!

If you pretend to be a sailor, as he does, that might help you even more in your bid to get bumped up into better surroundings.

Just be sure to mention naval terms such as poop deck and that you like seamen. xD

However, it might well be the case that Mr Pin's success in getting upgraded is because he dresses like a butch lesbian.

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4 minutes ago, Gordie Lastchance said:

No, I'm saying be like Mr Pin!

If you pretend to be a sailor, as he does, that might help you even more in your bid to get bumped up into better surroundings.

Just be sure to mention naval terms such as poop deck and that you like seamen. xD

However, it might well be the case that Mr Pin's success in getting upgraded is because he dresses like a butch lesbian.

The pipe, parrot , and telescope will do it..

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Drink, low light levels, others sleeping around you, and the forced intimacy of the tiny seats can make someone in an emotionally vulnerable state (he'd been visiting his seriously ill sister) behave in a way they wouldn't usually behave.

In a pub, train or tube you can move away from someone being over-familiar but on a plane you are stuck unless you're going to make a huge scene about something that might or might not happen.

I'm not a puritan but I do not think people should be allowed to drink on flights or board a plane when drunk for consideration of the other passengers.

Most people are off on holiday - plenty of time to get pissed when you arrive.

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Just now, MrPin said:

The pipe, parrot , and telescope will do it..

Do you think Onezer should go for the wooden leg, pirate eye patch and be shouting "pieces of eight" in the departure lounge to complete the picture?

I was going to mention swinging a cutlass, but that would probably have to go in her hold luggage.

 

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2 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

Drink, low light levels, others sleeping around you, and the forced intimacy of the tiny seats can make someone in an emotionally vulnerable state (he'd been visiting his seriously ill sister) behave in a way they wouldn't usually behave.

In a pub, train or tube you can move away from someone being over-familiar but on a plane you are stuck unless you're going to make a huge scene about something that might or might not happen.

I'm not a puritan but I do not think people should be allowed to drink on flights or board a plane when drunk for consideration of the other passengers.

Most people are off on holiday - plenty of time to get pissed when you arrive.

I've never had anyone getting over-familiar with me on any form of transport - not even my wife!

While travelling alone, I've attempted to look as vulnerable as possible to hot women, but they usually avoid the seats next to me.

What is it about me?

Like Mr Pin, I don't smell bad and am always clean-shaven, with nice clothes on. I have all my limbs and teeth. I don't have extra fingers or toes.

I must have the look of a serial killer.

 

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3 minutes ago, Gordie Lastchance said:

Do you think Onezer should go for the wooden leg, pirate eye patch and be shouting "pieces of eight" in the departure lounge to complete the picture?

I was going to mention swinging a cutlass, but that would probably have to go in her hold luggage.

 

In the early sixties, Hartlepool had a notorious criminal known as "Captain Cutlass" who was fond of doing just that. I know that much is true.

He also is reputed to have phoned the Krays telling them he was coming down to fuck them up, and boarded a train to Kings Cross - only to be met by plod as he dismbarked, having his cutlass confiscated, and put on the next train home.

I don't know how true that story is, but it was featured in a column in The Northern Echo a few years back...

 

XYY

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Just now, Gordie Lastchance said:

I've never had anyone getting over-familiar with me on any form of transport - not even my wife!

While travelling alone, I've attempted to look as vulnerable as possible to hot women, but they usually avoid the seats next to me.

What is it about me?

Like Mr Pin, I don't smell bad and am always clean-shaven, with nice clothes on. I have all my limbs and teeth. I don't have extra fingers or toes.

I must have the look of a serial killer.

 

I actually used to make a point of scruffing up before long journeys - don't shave for a couple of days, creased clothes - on the grounds that people were less likely to sit next to me so I could read a book and look out of the window in peace.

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, The XYY Man said:

In the early sixties, Hartlepool had a notorious criminal known as "Captain Cutlass" who was fond of doing just that. I know that much is true.

He also is reputed to have phoned the Krays telling them he was coming down to fuck them up, and boarded a train to Kings Cross - only to be met by plod as he dismbarked, having his cutlass confiscated, and put on the next train home.

I don't know how true that story is, but it was featured in a column in The Northern Echo a few years back...

 

XYY

Does that mean the Krays were so scared that they called the cops to get this guy before he got them?

That's a bit poofy for hardmen gangsters, isn't it?

Oh, I've just Giggled Kray brothers and gay.

 

Edited by Gordie Lastchance

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4 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

I actually used to make a point of scruffing up before long journeys - don't shave for a couple of days, creased clothes - on the grounds that people were less likely to sit next to me so I could read a book and look out of the window in peace.

But I want sexy women - drunken or sober - to sit WITH me! xD

Especially if they're of the over-familiar type.

I must be travelling in the wrong country.

 

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6 minutes ago, Gordie Lastchance said:

But I want sexy women - drunken or sober - to sit WITH me! xD

Especially if they're of the over-familiar type.

I must be travelling in the wrong country.

 

Careful. You may just attract a pissed up vicar. 

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Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, One percent said:

Careful. You may just attract a pissed up vicar. 

I'd be more than happy sharing a cabin with a Vicarette - like the one in Emmerdale.

I think she's quite hot.

It looks like she might be of the pissed-up variety, too!

Image result for katherine blyton

 

Edited by Gordie Lastchance

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